--Alan -- My second self-MST. This one's a recent story... but still bad. ####################################################### MST-The Charm: chapter 1 A "Sailor Moon" story Nega-Hell 6.1 Original by Alan Treatment by... well... ####################################################### As Malachite ran the special-effects machine, Zoisite began her skit. "Miyazaki!" she screamed, as she hunched over and tightened her shoulders, "You have hurt me. Now I shall have my vengeance. Now I shall send you to aNoTHer DimENsion!" Nephlite watched as Malachite manipulated the fire in the background. He then took a look at the special-effects machine. It was vagely described. "Really," he told the silver-haired general, "do you have to go to extremes for every skit?" "Hey, don't look at me," Malachite replied, "She wanted to do this. I don't know about anyone else, but I *liked* Princess Mononoke..." Meanwhile, Zoisite went through a long series of karate-style poses. Right as she achieved the exact level of Sarcastic Sneer, she thrust her hands forward for the final blow. "Kame... hame... ha!" she screamed. Once again, Nephlite gazed at the scenery. "Isn't that kind of dangerous?" he asked. Malachite, being a man of few words, shrugged. He told his fellow general, "It's only dangerous if you think you can do the move. Actually knowing it is another thing entirely." For a long moment, Nephlite considered this. "Oh... I see," he said, "We are definitely done for." He took the special-effects machine into his hands. "Time to RUN, Malachite." "Oh... I see," Malachite replied. He kicked up his feet and took off. He ran out of the way at maximum velocity. Few who stood in his way lived to tell of it. *** Beryl sneered down at the lowly, despicable generals. "You pitiful fools," she told them, "what we need are more host segments." Humbly, Zoisite looked at her queen. "I agree," she said quietly, "In 'Masks and Dragons,' we only had two, and that was pushing the limitations of Notepad." "I know that," the queen not-so-humbly replied, "What will you do about it?" In her hand was a Very Dangerous Staff. Taking his turn, Jadeite bowed in Beryl's presence. He told her, "I have a cunning plan, my queen. We will devote more time to our production, no matter how many text files it takes." Beryl took a moment to consider this. "An acceptable plan," she told him, "but next time, Jadeite... don't break the fourth wall." For once in her evil life, Beryl smiled. In turn, Jadeite bowed his head. The aforementioned wall fell on his head. Nephlite rolled his eyes. "Come along, children," he told the others, "It's time to get to work." He grasped Jadeite's collar, and dragged him toward the theater door. The lovers followed closely behind. -- Door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order is the same as before. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] >--Alan -- > >*** > >Andrew Chai NEPHLITE: He's been turned into a type of tea! JADEITE: Or maybe he's just a native of Chai-na. [The others groan loudly.] > stood in his domain, tall and proud, with >a broom in his hands. He looked out the window, to see >the yellow and black of another Tokyo night. The young >man sighed. He turned his gaze to the dust-embalmed >floor, and resumed the task of sweeping it. ZOISITE: [Andrew] Should've worked for the Negaverse... grumble... > >At the other end of the Crossroads prefecture, just a >block away from the horns and lights of Tenth Street, >Serena Tsukino lay awake in her room. She, too, looked >out the window. Her eyes caught the flare of the >streetlight twenty meters away, and sparkled. The >young woman had no uniform to wear at this time, only >her rabbit pajamas. Like the arcade, Serena's room was >quiet, since Sammy and her parents were asleep. JADEITE: Even the mice are sleeping. MALACHITE: That reminds me... I need to finish my Christmas shopping. > Like >Andrew, she would have no visitors to call on her that >night. > >###################################################### >The Charm: chapter 1 >A romantic NASM alternate-universe story ZOISITE: Sailor Moon--The Alternative World! MALACHITE: [flat] Squish. >By Alan (John Alan Riggs) >###################################################### > >Morning arrived at the city, only to find life already >at its usual pace. It had been well over two million, >five hundred thousand mornings--that is, a fully seven >thousand years--since the Moon Kingdom fell. NEPHLITE: Who's keeping count? JADEITE: Koenma. > Only one >citizen of Tokyo knew about it that morning, and she >was but a cat. > >Serena, having stumbled out the door, sighted a small >circle of boys in her path. She took this as a bad omen. MALACHITE: [Serena] That Damien guy is stalking me... JADEITE: No, no, that's _The_ Omen. >Marching toward them, the young woman said, "Pardon me. >Hate to bother you, but what are you doing?" > >The boys suddenly froze. One by one, they turned to look >at her. None spoke, none moved any further. NEPHLITE: ... ZOISITE: ... JADEITE: ... MALACHITE: Zoisite, you're not a boy... ZOISITE: Um... er... Of course not! > >"If you don't back off and let me through," Serena said, >staring at their faces, "you won't like what'll happen." >Her mouth curled into a snarl, and her hands into fists. > >Though still stuck, something clicked in the youths' >brains. One of them exclaimed, "Oh, no. It's the 'scream' >girl!" JADEITE: The It Girl? NEPHLITE: Somewhere, tonight, Rumiko Takahashi is crying. > >Her face remained rock-hard. "That's correct," she >replied, "One false move and you get it." Serena cracked >each and every one of her knuckles. > >In a second, the boys went from standing still to a full- >throttle dash. NEPHLITE: That's nice. Now where's Nuku-Nuku? MALACHITE: Ummm... > They disappeared into the city's back >alleys. > >Serena sighed, and relaxed her muscles. She glanced >toward the pavement, and saw the thing which the young >men had been harrassing. It was a black cat--her second >ill omen that morning. ZOISITE: Yeah, just your usual black cat seated under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth, Halloween night. > The cat looked unharmed, save for >a bandage that had been placed on its forehead. Though >she shook all the while, Serena knelt down to pet the >animal. (Even if it is a sign of evil,) she told >herself, (better to have it on my side, rather than >theirs.) JADEITE: Always get the bad guys on your side. NEPHLITE: Really? JADEITE: It's the opposite of the Evil Overlord list. The Good Guys' Survival List. > Wincing, she tore the bandage away. > >At once, the girl and the cat leapt back. While the >animal felt the sting of the adhesive, Serena saw a mark >on the fur--the sort of mark no bruise could leave. MALACHITE: You know, that sort of mark. ZOISITE: The Mark of the God. JADEITE: The Mark of the Beast. >Where the bandage had been, there was now a crescent >moon emblazon. "My... how odd," Serena whispered, as she >struggled to her feet. > >The cat, exposed to the world, took one look at Serena's >face. It then dashed away. ZOISITE: Better hurry, Kamui... MALACHITE: Better run, Shinji... > >"Pity," the young woman thought aloud, "In any event, I >should be off to school. If I don't get there on time, >how shall I face him again?" NEPHLITE: Who's "him"? JADEITE: Oh, you know. Him. > >With that, Serena kicked up her feet and took off. She >ran to school at maximum velocity. Few who stood in her >way lived to tell of it. MALACHITE: Why does that sound familiar? NEPHLITE: I have no idea. > >*** >The Crown Arcade opened at nine in the morning. Not >many people showed up at that hour, for the business' >target audience was the teenage crowd. As encouraging >as it was to see parents and young children, Andrew >still considered the early and midday hours unprofitable. >Rare was the day when many customers arrived before >dusk. > >"Excuse me," called a voice from a meter away, "Are you >Mr. Chai?" ZOISITE: [Andrew] Call me Andrew. NEPHLITE: Or Motoki. ZOISITE: Any relation to Mokona? NEPHLITE: *No*. > As he heard it, Andrew turned to see the person. >The individual was a young man, three or four years younger >than he. The man looked at him with his pastel-blue eyes, >as if he did not need to ask the question. > >"Yes," Andrew replied, bowing all the while, "I am the >proprietor of the arcade. May I request your name?" JADEITE: [evil] I don't think there will be any need for that. MALACHITE: [evil] I am now your friend Endo. > >The plain-faced man said, "Call me Darien Chiba. I have >business in this neighborhood... do you know one Serena >Tsukino?" With this question, Darien presented a hand-drawn >likeness of the young woman. NEPHLITE: [Darien] Wish they'd spend enough to supply me with real photographs. MALACHITE: But you have to admit, it is a good likeness. > >Despite the crowd milling about, Andrew took a step back. >(What sort of gesture is this?) he asked himself, (Is he >out to get her?) As the thought went through his mind, >he told Darien, "Yes, I know her. Why do you ask?" > >A moment passed in which neither man talked. ZOISITE: Drama! > Still setting >his eyes on Andrew's face, Darien told the manager, "I ask >because she has something that I need. Don't concern >yourself with it, for I intend her no harm. She, however, >holds the key to my future." His face remained set in stone >as he waited for Andrew to reply. JADEITE: [Darien] Any time now, buddy... > >"I... see," Andrew said. He said each word as it came to >him. "Well, I need to get back to my work. Maybe we will >meet later," he said as he walked away. > >*** >Her vision was clouded with images of men. All sizes, but >certainly not all ages--after all, Serena prided herself on >her good taste. MALACHITE: [Serena] Do they bite good? ZOISITE: That's just plain sick, Malachite. > They floated before her eyes, like spotlights >on a wall. "All good... all wonderful..." she whispered, >"And all mine!" > >Quite suddenly, they vanished. She turned around and around, >but not a one was left. "Hey! Wait! Where are they going?" >the young woman asked. [Nephlite groans.] > >"Serena Tsukino!" a booming voice shouted, "This isn't time >to be dreaming about boyfriends. It's time to *study*." The >last word echoed twice, even three times. The female >voice continued, "Now answer this: 4x times 3y equals what? >Who wrote 'The Tale of Genji'? You must study!" JADEITE: Work harder, drone! [Zoisite joins Nephlite in groaning.] > >She placed her hands over her ears. "No!" Serena shouted, >"I don't want to study! I want to... do something else!" >Jumping into the air, she thrust out a fist at the ghostly >teacher, and yelled, "I don't!" > >Just as abruptly as before, her vision changed. She was >back in the classroom. Her desk was over her head. Her >teacher, Miss Haruna, was keeling over. JADEITE: [Haruna] That was some good stuff... [Malachite joins the chorus of groans.] > "Ahhh... did I just >hit Miss H?" she asked. > >"Bingo," replied Molly. The red-haired girl sat calmly at >her desk, looking sideways at the spectacle. NEPHLITE: End this travesty--now! > >Just before she fell to the ground, Miss Haruna told her less- >than-excellent student, "Miss Tsukino... take it out in the >hall..." ALL EXCEPT JADEITE: Thank you! > >*** >"Serena," Molly said to her friend, "you really need a lot >of help. If you don't concentrate during class lectures, you >will end up like... like..." She paused, and clicked her >fingers several times. > >As they walked beside the car-clogged road, a few seconds of >silence MALACHITE: Wow. You can practically hear the silence. > passed between the young women. Serena then stopped >in her tracks, and asked, "Like Melvin?" > >"No, not at all like him!" Molly replied. She checked the >traffic signal, and began to cross the road. Along the way, >she continued, "Seriously, though... You've spent a lot of >time with Andrew. Do you think he's been a good influence >on you?" ZOISITE: Have you been playing with that Andrew boy again? JADEITE: [Serena] Well, he taught me how to avoid traff-- WAA! > >Following her arrival on the other side of the road, Serena >told her friend, "Maybe. He's a responsible man, but he >considers me like a little sister. I don't know... maybe our >relationship can continue that way, but--" At this, she >paused, and looked in Molly's direction. The other young >woman was looking at a store, which was set inside a gray >stone edifice. With one look at the logo, she recognized it >as the very place where Andrew worked. NEPHLITE: Is this it? Is this *really* the Crown Arcade? MALACHITE: So it seems, Nephlite, so it seems. > >Molly pulled open the glass door. "Shall we test this out?" >she asked. > >"Well..." Serena said, "I guess we could. Let's see if he >is busy or not." Following Molly's lead, she entered the >arcade. ZOISITE: Action! > >*** >Darien looked to the door. "It seems the customer has >arrived," he muttered to himself. He turned his chair to >face the entrance. JADEITE: [evil] It seems we have guests! > >Serena and another young woman went from the door to Andrew, >who stood in his office. Darien could not hear the words >exchanged between the three, but he saw their stances and >gestures through the glass panel. (Perhaps before too much >more time passes, I will figure out why the woman ZOISITE: The woman? MALACHITE: Oh, you know. The woman. NEPHLITE: [Sorata] The old woman at Mitsumine Shrine. > told me >about Serena,) he thought. > >Ten minutes went by. With their shoulders slumped over, the >three individuals walked out of the office. Andrew motioned >for Darien to stand, and said, "Serena, Molly--this is Darien >Chiba. I'll leave the two of you to talk for a while. I >really should get back to work." JADEITE: [Andrew] Must... get back to planning my conquest of Seyrun... > >"Thank you, sir," Darien replied. He gazed into Serena's >face. She wore her hair exceptionally long, just as his >confidante had said. Her face, however, bore a somber >expression. As Andrew walked away, he said, "I hate to >bother you, Miss Tsukino, but there are a number of things >I need from you." MALACHITE: Things. A number of things. ZOISITE: The Things to Come. > >The young women stared back. "Am I involved in this?" the >red-haired one asked. > >Darien shrugged. He told her, "No, I'm afraid not. If you >wish to stay with your friend, please do. JADEITE: [Darien] You're just an extra. Go away. > Our business is >not so private that you must leave." > >The two exchanged glances. NEPHLITE: The two Strangers in the Night. > For half a second, Serena burst >out in laughter. Just as quickly, her expression became calm >again. "What do you mean by that?" Serena asked. > >"Although I keep it a secret from most people," Darien >whispered to them, "I am an enemy of evil. Do you believe, >like I do, that there is an active evil presence in the >world?" ZOISITE: [Serena] Yes, but I sent her to Nega-Hell. > >Serena tapped her chin. She said, "It's a plausible idea. >Still, I'm not quite sure about all this..." Both she and >Molly tapped their feet against the floor. > >He stood up, and took one step toward the two young women. >"I understand that," he replied, "However, you will soon >believe. JADEITE: I disbelieve! I disbelieve! > Miss Tsukino, in time, you will fight by my side." > >All three paused. Hardly a breath was taken. To her friend, >Molly whispered, "Serena... your boyfriend problems may soon >be over." She laughed just as quietly. MALACHITE: Admit it! It's funny. ZOISITE: What boyfriend problems? > >A moment later, Darien cleared his throat. He needed to >continue his brief speech. "Unfortunately, Miss Tsukino," he >said, "a close friend of yours may be involved. Be warned." > >Each looked at the other. A whisper rushed across the >arcade as all three thought about the statement. MALACHITE: Followed quickly by cherry blossoms. NEPHLITE: [quietly] Sakura. > >"I need to be leaving," Darien said. Without looking back, >he walked out of the arcade. > >-- >IN CONCLUSION... ZOISITE: That was a conclusion? JADEITE: Don't look back. Terror is never far behind. > >Yes, this is the first thing I've posted on ASMR. Did it >work? If it wasn't very good, please let me know. That way, >I can try harder. > >In any event, this will be the first chapter of a series. >The subject matter is hardly dynamic or original, NEPHLITE: We noticed. MALACHITE: Cut back on the long pauses. > but I might >be able to pull this off. With any luck, I'll be able to >write a new chapter every three weeks or so. > >Since over half of all ASMR writers have a good knowledge of >anime, I suppose most people will recognize the "Fushigi" >skit. [Nephlite starts crying uncontrollably.] > I should feel so ashamed at putting it in this fic... MALACHITE: You should! >After all, Serena isn't the same person that Miaka is. The >scene's main result will probably be a chorus of groans. JADEITE: Are you alright, Nephlite? NEPHLITE: ... > >-Alan > >October 8, 1999 > >e-mail: / > >Anime writings: >Elfquest works: ZOISITE: Does it? > > >"Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is >copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha >Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. MALACHITE: I'm just waiting for the day when it's released in the same way as the Dragonball videos. ZOISITE: You think it could happen? MALACHITE: Maybe. >"Fushigi Yuugi / Mysterious Play" is copyright 1995-9 >Shogakukan, Viz, Pioneer, etc. Feel free to distribute this >fanfic, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't >try to make money off it. > > JADEITE: That's it. Let's go. MALACHITE: Nephlite is still unconscious. ZOISITE: Thank you so much for stating the obvious. JADEITE: Sorry... ZOISITE: Hey, you get to carry Nephlite this time. JADEITE: I wasn't exactly looking forward to such a thing. [They leave.] -- Malachite paced back and forth across the floor of the throne room. "What can be done, what can be done?" he asked himself, "What can we do to cure someone who's had too intense a dose of Fushigi Yuugi?" From near the card table, Zoisite stared at him. She suggested, "Maybe we would be wise to hit him over the head. It usually helps." She reached into her mallet-space for a suitable weapon. Right then, Jadeite entered the room. He first looked in Nephlite's direction, then toward the other two. "He's drooling all over the floor," the blond-haired general narrated, "Do you really think violence is the solution?" Zoisite placed a hand on her chin. After taking a moment to consider her options, she replied, "Of course it is!" The hammer emerged, and she lifted it above Nephlite's head-- "Stop!" The three conscious generals turned toward the sound. A person in a sailor suit--an awfully familiar person in a sailor suit--stood in the shadows of Beryl's throne. She told the evil ones, "Violence is not the only option. Didn't you learn anything from the Pokemon movie? Now... deal with him fairly!" Instantly, the Sailor disappeared. The trio were left to exchange looks of confusion. "I've got it," Malachite said, a moment later, "Let's slap him!" It took a second, but Zoisite and Jadeite nodded in agreement. "This is the best way," they said as one. And so the three generals took turns slapping Nephlite on the cheeks. Justice had prevailed. -- TO BE CONTINUED in something else! -Alan November 30, 1999 In the next three weeks, I'll have time to create a new episode or two. I'm currently searching for a Christmas special. Anyone have good ideas? Oh... one more thing. No matter how smart or great you might be, do your research! It helps. e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime writings: fanficoutlet.tripod.com Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. "Fushigi Yuugi" is copyright 1992-9 Yuu Watase, Viz, Pioneer, Flower Comics, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >"Bingo," replied Molly. "Watase: Artist for the boys' comic, Shonen Perv."