--Alan -- Crossover: Gundam Wing and Dragonball Z. The funny thing is that it *works*... ################################################ MST: The Cry for Help, chapter 1 Nega-Hell 16.1 Original by LaBeck Treatment by Alan ################################################ Notice: The comments given to the story have been omitted. For one thing, they weren't very funny. More importantly, it seemed a little too sleazy to pick on message board comments. Now... back to Nega-Hell. -- Jazz. All he heard was jazz. Malachite walked down the dark, wet corridor, and yet did not flinch. To further prove his coolness, he wore a blue jacket, dress pants, a white shirt, formal shoes, and a tie. The clothes were--of course--spotless. The jazz music was interrupted by the bang, bang, bang of three gunshots. Malachite stood still. He only smirked as the bullets flew past him. He looked into the darkness--the assailants where nowhere to be seen. Off in the distance, rattles and rumbles sounded. Next came the clicks of a gun being reloaded. To his opponent, Malachite said two words: "Sayonara, samurai." He shot once. Then he waited. A moment later, he heard a scream. Then the body fell from the roof. Malachite walked over the body, and into the sunlight. His job was done here. *** "Damn, this show is cool. Even Faye has quite an attitude," said Zoisite. Her eyes were transfixed on the television in the rec room, but she quickly turned to her love. "What do you think, dear?" He didn't reply. Lost in his Cowboy Bebop fantasy, Malachite's eyes were two fishcakes. "Ooh, he annoys me!" Zoisite exclaimed, getting to her feet. "He's either fantasizing, or imitating some other character. But he won't get away with it this time. He won't, he won't!" The instant Zoisite flattened Malachite with her hyperdimensional flamethrower, he emerged from Fantasy Mode. "Good morning, Mala-kun," she all-too-sweetly said to him. He stayed on the floor for a few moments. "Oro..." he whispered. *** "Good afternoon, children of God," Beryl said to the generals. She sat in her chair. Unlike the previous day, her hair was in order, and her appearance was clean. As she glared down at her subjects, she continued, "I take it you occasionally watch television these days." This provoked Jadeite to raise his hand. "Actually, yes," he told her, "Being in Nega-Hell is a little convenient at times. We get to see what's on in the Philippines!" "Ha!" Nephlite said quietly, "Nothing but bad dubs that haven't made it overseas yet." Ignoring the queen, the blond general continued, "We managed to get a bunch of cable channels. After sifting through the usual garbage, we found the dub of Gundam Wing." Nephlite only went on making sarcastic remarks. "Very good," Beryl said. She smiled enigmatically, as if to say "I found another tool to artificially advance your evolution." Instead of that, she said, "Despite the efforts of Ted Cole and friends, the anime is still rather... amusing. I find it quite evil." As if she were on Prozac, Zoisite smiled beatifically. "You mean bishonen are evil?" she asked. "Hey, I'm evil!" Malachite told her. The queen waited for the argument to settle. She then told the generals, "Lots of people like Gundam Wing. Some are even convinced it's the best anime ever made." Suddenly, Malachite convulsed. "They must not know about the unspeakably cool Mal-- I mean Spike Seagal." Beryl nodded, then said, "Yes. And as you should've guessed, your next show comes from an obsessive newbie fan. It's an unusual crossover. Have fun!" A moment later, the queen retreated behind her barrier. The generals were left to exchange glances. Nephlite gulped--hard. "We'd best be going," he whispered. -- The midnight run door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The four enter the small theater. The seating order is-- surprise, surprise--the same. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Nephlite, and Zoisite.] JADEITE: She promised an unusual crossover. Anyone know what it is? NEPHLITE: A blaxploitation film? JADEITE: No. I meant the crossover. MALACHITE: Well, I'll guess someone was inspired by Search for Kotori. Maybe it's a cross of Monster Rancher and Tokyo Babylon. ZOISITE: Nah... that's not goofy enough. Genki would annoy Subaru to death. MALACHITE: So what do you think? ZOISITE: I'd say it's a Ranma crossover. There's dozens of them out there, thanks to the presence of TASS. So I guess it'll be Ranma and Escaflowne. MALACHITE: The phrase "a world of WAFF" comes to mind. JADEITE: What do you think, Nephlite? NEPHLITE: I've noticed that this is a good year for American animation. I bet someone crossed "God, the Devil, and Bob" with an anime. JADEITE: Strange... but amusing. As for me, well, I'd like to see Akira Yuzuriha challenge Lara Croft and Mara Jade for world domination. OTHERS: ... >The Cry For Help part 1 by LaBeck > Gundam Wing and DBZ: NEPHLITE: Dear God... [He falls off his chair, and writhes all over the floor.] ZOISITE: It isn't healthy to writhe on the floor... >the 2 greatest anime series MALACHITE: --in a pig's eye. ZOISITE: Well, at least both of them have cut and uncut versions. >join together to fight off an enemy... > > > JADEITE: Nephlite? Hello...? NEPHLITE: ... > Live Stats: 17537 Stories, >5679 Authors, 303 Categories, 759 Links MALACHITE: These are your prison numbers. Never forget them! > > Home ? JustIn | Forum | Directory | Chat JADEITE: [Dave Barry] Sacre moo! C'est moin chat! >| Links | BannerXchange | Help Desk > > > Browse Categories [Nephlite gets back into his chair.] NEPHLITE: I'll take incoherent crossovers for $200. > > < Users Online: 173 > > > > > ZOISITE: All this space was used to bring you *dramatic stock footage*! > The Cry For Help part 1 NEPHLITE: This crossover is a cry for help... MALACHITE: Enough of that. > Category: Anime ? Dragon Ball Z Censor: PG13 Reviews: 12 Download Story: 7KB > Author: LaBeck JADEITE: Two tables and a microphone... where it's at! > >Hello, LaBeck is my pen-name, my father calls me that. I'm not new here >at Fanfiction.net, I've been here for a while, but I've >changed my author name. Think you can identify my old name? ZOISITE: Could it be Rumplestilskin? MALACHITE: [VT the heavy metal queen] Guess my name! >Come on, guess, I dare you all. Let's see how well you know my >writing style...on with the story.... > >"Lt. Zechs, the enemy is here!" One of the pilots observed. NEPHLITE: We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us. ZOISITE: That quote works rather well for Heero. > >"What are you waiting for? Call for more mobile suits, don't underestimate >them!" Zechs said calmly. JADEITE: His acting could use a little work... MALACHITE: Actually, Zechs could take on an entire fleet of mobile suits... provided that he still has Tallgeese. > >"Target locked," a young boy with a green tank top said. JADEITE: What did they do to Lara Croft?! >He was quite handsome, he appeared to be in his mid teens. He had dark >hair and intense eyes. He pulled the trigger. MALACHITE: Push the button, Heero. >His mobile suit fired its weapon at the advancing military suits, causing >them to explode. MALACHITE: What did I just say? NEPHLITE: Good? Heero's the best! MALACHITE: ... > >"Nice shot Heero," another young boy said. He had long braided hair ZOISITE: Clearbrook *again*? MALACHITE: No, she has silver hair. This is Ranma Saotome. NEPHLITE: I should probably mention that I dislike Quatre. He occasionally takes actions on his own, but most of the time he stands around and whines. ZOISITE: Be quiet. He's just like Akira Ilyujin. >and he was also quite cute. Heero said nothing, he only grinned >at the remains of his enemies. JADEITE: [Heero] Killing is fun. MALACHITE: [Heero as Yurika] V! >The four other mobile suits took off, there was no reason to be here anymore. >Their missions were simple: JADEITE: --if they choose to accept them... >destroy their enemy. These five mobile suits are called Gundams, which are >controlled by five teenage pilots. NEPHLITE: The power of *shoujo*! >Heero, a handsome yet mysterious young man who never showed his emotions. >Most think he's suicidal MALACHITE: Nope. He's homicidal. JADEITE: [Heero] I blame it all on the media. >by how seriously he takes his missions. He can be a cold-blooded killer >when it comes to killing, but deep down...he's the opposite of that, ZOISITE: [Heero] Oro?? MALACHITE: This just goes to demonstrate the amazing power that *shoujo* can have on a hero. >he just can't seem to find his soft side. JADEITE: The soft side of the toilet paper. >There is Duo, who had long braided hair. He is considered the most lively >of the five. He has a sense of humor and he also keeps his humor up on >the battlefield. JADEITE: Those pilots... they're wacky! NEPHLITE: [Noin] We're detecting some humor out on the battlefield, sir. >There is Trowa, with his gravity-defying hair, who is quite serious. Then >Wufei, he also takes his missions seriously, and he is arrogant. ZOISITE: You're telling us? >Quatre, a cute blond teen who is a tree hugger, he hates to kill even though he >knows he has to. MALACHITE: Wait, that's Shinji Ikari. Our mistake. >These are the five Gundam Pilots. > >Heero stared at the remains left on the battlefield, thinking to himself. JADEITE: [Heero] I wonder if I can eat an entire spoonful of horseradish? ZOISITE: [same] Must... kill... family... >Then he transformed his mobile suit back into a carrier and >flew off in the night sky. MALACHITE: Wait, that's Batman. Our mistake. JADEITE: Gundams. Much more than meets the eye. > >Later that night... JADEITE: In darkest Africa... > >"*Gasp!*" Heero awoke with a start, his face covered in cold sweat, he >was gasping for air. NEPHLITE: This is such a cliche. MALACHITE: It was the dream about Ganon destroying Christmas. >Something didn't feel right. Heero keeled over as his stomach began to >cramp horribly. He grabbed his stomach in pain. ZOISITE: Does he have a chestburster or what? > >"What the hell is going on...?" He demanded, his face covered in pain. >He looked at his hand, which suddenly began to fade. JADEITE: The ink didn't dry properly. ZOISITE: [Ai] I mustn't say "I love you, Yota..." > >"My...stomach..." Quatre moaned in agony, he screamed in horror as his >arm suddenly MALACHITE: --turned into a chicken! JADEITE: How can you scream *and* moan? >faded. > >Relena suddenly awoke, she yawned and rubbed her eyes. She turned towards >her clock. NEPHLITE: It's noon. Time to get up and get killed. >Two thirty A.M. Why do I feel so awake for? She wondered, then sighed. > >"Heero, where are you?" JADEITE: [Relena] Scooby-Doo, where are you? >she asked softly. (Note: For the people who do not watch Gundam Wing, MALACHITE: --you're probably fine without it. ZOISITE: It's like Weiss Kreuz without the interesting parts. And that's not saying much. >Relena is a teenage girl who first discovers Heero, she seems to be >attracted to him, however Heero believes she knows too much for her own good JADEITE: The Girl Who Knew Too Much. Such an old cliche... >so he tells her he will kill her in the future...long story...) NEPHLITE: It'll be at least a year before it's all on video. >Suddenly, her stomach began to cramp. > >"Was it something I ate?" She moaned as it worsened. ZOISITE: Someone should've told her that roses are not meant to be eaten. >She grabbed her stomach, she suddenly faded. JADEITE: [Relena] W-what's happening to me? NEPHLITE: They should cast the five scientists as Doc Brown. > >The Gundams also faded. > >"What's going on here?!" Duo screamed, MALACHITE: Good question. JADEITE: [singing] And I said hey-ey, what's going on? >he was flying into some other dimension. [All groan.] ZOISITE: No. We're not going there. And no-one will mention Akira Yuzuriha. If they do, they will get hurt. MALACHITE: At least it isn't a perpendicular dimension. >Suns, planets, comets, and other sort of things flew around or past him. >Lightening filled the hole he was flying through. He suddenly saw a light... >a blinding light... JADEITE: The light at the end of the dimensional tunnel might be a train. NEPHLITE: Duo's been teleported to the Day of Lavos! > >"Oof!" Duo hit the ground with a loud thud. He spat out the grass that flew >in his mouth when he landed. MALACHITE: Since when does grass fly? >He wiped his mouth, than looked around. > >"Where am I?" He wondered. ZOISITE: [Duo] Ranma, this is all your fault! >He stood up, surveying the area. > >Suddenly... JADEITE: Back at Akira's living room... > >"Ahhh!" Quatre fell on to Duo, knocking him down once again. MALACHITE: [Duo] Duh, down I go. ZOISITE: [same] I'm being crushed by the Third Child. How embarrassing. >"What the hell?!" Duo looked up at Quatre, who stood up. > >"Where are we? One second I was sleeping, NEPHLITE: They fell into a dimension hole along with Rip Van Winkle. >next thing I know I'm in some other kind of world..." Quatre trailed off, noticing a >dinosaur flying over them. JADEITE: Dyno-mite! NEPHLITE: Dinosaurs, huh? I wonder if Ayla is here? MALACHITE: [Crono] ... > >"Are we in the past?" Duo wondered. > >"It's very possible..." Quatre said. MALACHITE: Nice perceptive dialogue. ZOISITE: It's like Clamp, but there's not enough sakura or blood. > >"But how did we get here? I mean, you can't just go to the past...someone must >have brought us here," Duo looked around. > >"Ahhh!" Trowa and Wufei hit the ground beside them. Wufei landed gracefully, >Trowa rolled on the ground and quickly stood up. ZOISITE: Unlike Nephlite, I dislike those two. Trowa's too angsty and macho, and Wufei... well, Wufei is Wufei. JADEITE: And that means what? ZOISITE: That means Wufei is bad. Not bad in a good way... bad in a bad way. > >"Looks like we aren't the only ones," Duo smiled. > >"Where are we?" Trowa asked. > >"We're in the past, I think," Quatre said, "I'm not sure." NEPHLITE: Looks like pansy-boy took a few too many knocks on the head. ZOISITE: [Quatre] Duh... where are we? MALACHITE: That's not Quatre, it's the sprite from Secret of Mana. > >"The past? Hah! We have excellent technology, but we aren't advanced enough >to travel through time," Wufei observed. JADEITE: Yes, but you have Lucca. Or isn't she good enough? MALACHITE: And Professor Washu, the greatest genius scientist in the universe... > >"Yeah, you're right," Duo said, "But how did we get here?" > >Trowa shrugged, then looked around. His eyes widened. ZOISITE: Normally, I'd say "Oro?" However, this is Trowa. > >"Look! Our Gundams are here too!" He pointed at the five Gundams lying on the >ground several hundred meters from them. NEPHLITE: They're hard to miss. > >"If there are five Gundams here, then where is Heero?" Duo wondered. JADEITE: Never ask such questions. > >"Heads up!" Quatre yelled. Duo looked up, only to get knocked down again by Heero. JADEITE: What did I just say? MALACHITE: [Duo] Duh, down I go again. > >"Why is everyone falling on me?!" Duo yelled. MALACHITE: Why is everybody always picking on him? NEPHLITE: Wait, that's Charlie Brown. Our mistake. > >"Sorry," Heero said impassively. > >"If this some of Dr. J's work?" Duo demanded. Heero said nothing. JADEITE: Doctor J... didn't he have a brand of sneakers? ZOISITE: You're thinking about Magic Johnson, bakayarou. > >"Look, how about we just look around and see where we are?" Quatre demanded. > >"Okay, why not?" Trowa followed him. NEPHLITE: [dim] I follow him! ZOISITE: OK, your mech blows up as well. >Suddenly, something lightening fast flew over their heads. > >"What!" Trowa ducked, alarmed. Something else flew over them, and stopped, >landing on the ground gracefully. MALACHITE: Splat. There go the Gundams... > >"Who are you?" Duo demanded. NEPHLITE: Wait, that's Pete Townshend. Someone else's mistake. > >The man smiled, crossing his arms. He was wearing an orange outfit with >black boots. He had wild black hair with black eyes. ZOISITE: Have I ever mentioned that Dragonball fashion sense--at least in the anime--is wretched? JADEITE: No. And don't. > >"My name is Son Gokou," he said, "I am assuming you are the five Gundam Pilots." MALACHITE: Goku seems to be unusually intelligent today. Normally, he dodges the subject by making random jokes. > >"Um...yeah," Duo stuttered. > >Goku smiled, "No need to be frightened, friends." NEPHLITE: They're friends of Goku. That's a good thing... ZOISITE: On the other hand, this would make an amusing anti-fic crossover. > >Suddenly, two other people hovered to the ground next to the man called Goku. >One was short, he wore blue spandex with an odd type of armor covering his chest, JADEITE: What, no pants? >he wore white gloves and boots. He also had wild black hair, he smirked. > >"This is Vegeta," Goku said. ZOISITE: [Goku] Get to respect him. Never insult him. In fact, you would probably be wise to worship Vegeta. Bow at the altar of the easily peeved prince. > >A tall green man loomed behind Goku. His face was impassive. He wore a white >turban and cape, with a baggy purple suit. He had pointy ears and he had pink muscles. MALACHITE: Goofy but deadly. NEPHLITE: That's it. I'll make that the new motto of DBZ. > >"I'm Piccolo," he said. > >"Uh, question," Duo said, NEPHLITE: Believe me, you're not the only one with questions. >raising his hand, "How do you know us? How can you fly, and why are we here?" JADEITE: [Duo] Why don't you have chop-socky dialogue? ZOISITE: [same] What makes you different from the Sanjiyans? NEPHLITE: [same] Can I call you "monkey-boy"? MALACHITE: [same] Where did you get the spandex? > >Goku smiled, "We have a lot of explaining to do, JADEITE: Indeed. Pages and pages of exposition. >but we'll tell you why you're here." NEPHLITE: He sure knows how to push people around. MALACHITE: Is that Goku or Beryl? > >"Thank you!" Quatre sighed. > >"We are fighting a new type of enemy, they're robots. JADEITE: [Duo] Is there more to them than meets the eye? ZOISITE: [same] Have you tried unplugging them? NEPHLITE: [same] How much hairspray do you use each day? MALACHITE: [same] What makes them different from Aestvalises or Guymelefs? >Despite our strength, we can't defeat them. ZOISITE: That's a first. Better mark it on the calendar. >This is where you come in." > >Wufei raised an eyebrow. MALACHITE: [Wufei] Must... not... act! JADEITE: Didn't he star in "The Omen"? > >"You are considered to be experts at robots, NEPHLITE: No, they're Experts of Justice. ZOISITE: Daisaku could kick the kids' bishonen butts any day. >and you have the key to their defeat. We need you to fight along side >of us temporarily. This is why we brought you here." NEPHLITE: [Goku] No, it's not a plot to artificially speed up your evolution. Believe me. [The others stare at him.] > >Heero said nothing, he only crossed his arms and pouted. MALACHITE: That's not Heero, it's Yamiko. NEPHLITE: Yamiko... > >"So, we're going to help you save the world?" Quatre asked. > >"Yes," Goku answered, "Will you help us?" JADEITE: [Goku] If you answer no, we will ask the question again and again and again. MALACHITE: Stupid RPG designers... > >"I say go for it," Duo said, smiling. > >"I'm up for it," Quatre answered. > >"Sure," Trowa said. ZOISITE: Normally, he'd just say "..." > >"I'd be honored to help you defeat those weaklings," Wufei bowed. JADEITE: [Wufei] It would please me immensely. > >Everyone stared at Heero for an answer, he shrugged. > >"I think it's a yes. Even if you said no, you're outnumbered, Heero," Duo laughed. MALACHITE: They're getting him with peer pressure. Bullies! NEPHLITE: We're evil. We can get away with it. > >"We give you our thanks. Now please follow us. NEPHLITE: [Quatre] I love him. And wherever he goes, I will follow-- [Zoisite and Malachite hit him.] ZOISITE: That was more disturbing and distasteful than usual. >We'll bring your Gundams along too. JADEITE: The Saiyajins are tough, but can they lift the Gundams? MALACHITE: I don't see why not. U-Haul charges too much. >Now let's get moving. There is a lot we have to talk about." JADEITE: Crossovers, for starters. > >TO BE CONTINUED ZOISITE: --on the next long, commercial-filled Toonami lineup. > > Review Story > Title: > The Cry For Help part 1 > Censor: > PG13 NEPHLITE: I assume we'll see more vulgarities later. MALACHITE: Violence would add a little interest... > Name: > > Email: > (optional) > Review: MALACHITE: If I may... The crossover isn't supposed to make sense, but it still needs work. If you want to rewrite it, don't put every Gundam pilot into the equation. ZOISITE: I dunno. I just got lost figuring out who was imitating who. JADEITE: Same here. I'd rather not worry about the _story_, as it stands. NEPHLITE: Everything is fine with me. Just replace Quatre with Yamiko, and I'll be happy. > > > > > > Home | About Us | Awards | Nonprofit Status ZOISITE: Married, divorced, single, widowed, and now *nonprofit*! >| Disclaimer | Site Statistics > > > > > > > > MALACHITE: More filler... JADEITE: The chapter's over. What's next? ZOISITE: I suggest we leave. JADEITE: With you all the way. [They exit.] -- TO BE CONTINUED in two or three clicks. -Alan April 28, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-2000 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. "Gundam Wing" is copyright 1999-2000 Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and TV Asahi. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. For a guide to romanizations of Gundam Wing names, see http://www.gundamwing.org/faq/spelling.html Stinger: >Gundam Wing and DBZ: the 2 greatest anime series >join together to fight off an enemy...