--Alan -- Gundam Wing, starring Kamui and Kotori. Dragonball Z, starring... um... ################################################ MST: The Cry for Help, chapter 2 Nega-Hell 16.2 Original by LaBeck Treatment by Alan ################################################ The throne room no longer held its dank, poorly lit appearance. All of a sudden, the hall was illuminated by rows and columns of bright lamps. Even the red carpet that ran down the middle of the hall had changed. It looked red, rather than a dismal auburn. "And now, ladies and gentlemen," boomed Nephlite's voice, through a megaphone, "The Nega-Hell crew presents... the Lime Green Swimsuit Brigade!" Still in his work uniform, Jadeite appeared at the door of the recreation room. He whispered, "We've visited the White Swimsuit Brigade site a few times, and we thought we should add our own twist to it!" He dashed out of the way. The first one to walk out of the rec room was Malachite. He wore a baggy pair of swimming trunks. "Hey, hey," he said nonchalantly. With slow, plodding footsteps, he walked down the catwalk... that is, the carpet. "Next on our lineup," Nephlite told the nonexistent audience, "We have General Jadeite, wearing his most daring outfit yet!" Quietly, Nephlite clapped. He stood on Beryl's dais, safely separate from the contest. Wearing a brave smile and a painfully tight speedo, Jadeite strolled unto the carpet. He tried to whistle a happy tune. Malachite glanced back. "How embarrassing..." he whispered. In his best announcer's voice, Nephlite continued, "Last but certainly not least is Zoisite... wearing... well, I'm not quite sure what she's wearing." The entire room was silent when Zoisite emerged from the rec room. She was clearly wearing a top piece and boxer shorts... but both were covered up by a gigantic lime green mumumu. As her bare feet stepped on the carpet, the fluttering outfit shook up and down, left and right. Jadeite, watching the spectacle, found his jaw on the floor. Nephlite turned away politely. Malachite, on the other hand, took one look at her and fell backwards. "This is bad," Zoisite whispered. -- The summer of fun door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The four enter the small theater. The seating order is, as all the fans know, the same. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Nephlite, and Zoisite. They are back to their regular clothes.] MALACHITE: Here we go again. ZOISITE: I mustn't run away... > A Cry For Help part 2 by LaBeck JADEITE: I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? ZOISITE: That could be Relena's motto. > Everything is explained...well mostly...okay just read the story will you? ;-) > > > > > > MALACHITE: This space comes courtesy of the [Lina] Dragon Slave!! > Live Stats: 17537 Stories, >5679 Authors, 303 Categories, 759 Links ZOISITE: These days, Geocities offers more space than ever. NEPHLITE: No plugs! > > Home ? JustIn | Forum | Directory | Chat | Links | BannerXchange >| Help Desk JADEITE: Dear Abby, I have a friend named "Bob" who writes a lot of fanfics... > > Browse Categories > > > < Users Online: 183 > > > > > NEPHLITE: With fanfiction.net, you're sure to have a lot of space. ZOISITE: What were you saying about plugs? > A Cry For Help part 2 > Category: Anime ? Dragon Ball Z Censor: PG13 Reviews: 9 Download Story: 6KB > Author: LaBeck > > >"Okay, now that we're here, what do you want from us?" Duo demanded. MALACHITE: Pssst... you're on. JADEITE: [Goku] What do I want? I'd *like* a trip to Europe... > >Goku sighed. The five Gundam Pilots were now standing in his living room. >Vegeta snorted while Piccolo said nothing. ZOISITE: They're just here for the cameos. MALACHITE: Take the money and run! > >"Some type of enemy has invaded our world," Goku said, "They are using mobile >suits. Strangely, they are made of Gundanium, JADEITE: Gundanium... the miracle metal! NEPHLITE: [aside] Sorry, Mark Sachs. We had to say it. ZOISITE: The scary thing is that Gundanium is canon. >which our most powerful blasts cannot even scratch it." > >"Gundanium?" Trowa asked, "You mean Gundams?" MALACHITE: For a silent, angsty kid, he's kinda stupid. > >"Yes," Goku said, "Five Gundams that look EXACTLY like yours, with five pilots... >that also look like you." JADEITE: [Goku] They also smell like you. Gross. > >"What...?" Quatre asked, "You mean, clones?" NEPHLITE: Good call. MALACHITE: Yeah, they borrowed the clones from some place called Jurassic Park. > >"Yes, they apparently have the same piloting skills you five possess, and their >gundams have the same weapons and impact tolerance. ZOISITE: So they can survive crashes and such? MALACHITE: Of course. They can even survive in the wilderness with only a hatchet. >We're guessing they're your evil twins." > >Duo raised an eyebrow. JADEITE: [Duo] You can't make me act. > >"What the hell is wrong with this dimension?" Duo raised his arms helplessly, >"Dinosuars, people with extroadinary power, NEPHLITE: --and super-powered Chinese cooking. JADEITE: --big furry mutants running all over. MALACHITE: --the beef bowl store in Tomobiki. ZOISITE: --the Spring of Life. >and now we have evil clones!" > >Piccolo chuckled, "Your so-called twins didn't just show up in our world, they >were brought here." ZOISITE: At least Piccolo got a line. The others should be so lucky. > >"Brought here?" Trowa echoed. > >"They were brought here for a reason. ALL: Give a reason for life. NEPHLITE: The reason's probably just a plot contrivance. >We don't know why, even Kaio-samma does not know." > >"Who's Kaio-samma?" Quatre asked. MALACHITE: [Quatre] Why is his name misspelled? ZOISITE: [same] Any relation to Big Mama? > >Goku laughed, "Silly me. I've forgot to tell you about him. Kaio-samma is the >one who brought you here. JADEITE: Through his magic mirror, his book of infinite worlds, his crazy teleporter in the middle of nowhere, his fleet of UFOs, his... >He possesses great powers, he can speak telepathically, and he is wise, >except for the fact he has lisp..." MALACHITE: He's badly dubbed. So? > >Vegeta snorted, "Try not to laugh if you ever see him. His weight is absolutely-" > >"Look out!" JADEITE: [dazed] Well, the flu is just going around and around... and look out at the intersection, 'cause I'm gonna be sick... > >Vegeta fell to the ground as someone fell on him. He pushed the figure off. > >"Damn you! I should take your worthless life you-" Vegeta paused as he looked down >at a yound lady who fell on him. NEPHLITE: [Vegeta] Oh! Pardon me, dear lady... MALACHITE: Like he'd say that. >She looked around her, she was frightened. She had blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. MALACHITE: Is that Relena or Kotori? > >"I'm...I'm sorry sir," she whispered. > >Vegeta sneered at her, but backed off. ZOISITE: At least someone else acknowledges Relena's power. NEPHLITE: Bang! [Relena] It's too bad. I almost liked him. > >"Relena...?" Heero whispered. > >Relena climbed to her feet, dusting herself off. ZOISITE: --with a feather brush. > >"I apologize," she said, "I didn't mean to-" > >"Don't worry about it," Goku said, smiling. JADEITE: Goku's been taking his Prozac lately. > >"Where am I?" > >Vegeta whispered to Goku, "Kakarotto, what is this fragile female doing here? >She is not a Gundam Pilot." ZOISITE: But she's just as deadly! MALACHITE: [evil] The girl... she will become a woman. > >"I don't know," Goku admitted, "but if Kaio-samma brought her here, he must have >had a good reason." > >Vegeta muttered under his breath. NEPHLITE: He's either snorting, muttering, or sneering. Get a new line! > >Relena looked around, "Heero!" she cried. > >Heero rolled his eyes and avoided her gaze. He walked away into the kitchen, MALACHITE: Let me guess... there was a black-haired woman already there, and she was cooking up a storm. Or something. >sitting down at the table by himself. > >"Okay look," Goku announced, "we have plenty of time to discuss about what to >do with our enemies. JADEITE: [Heero] Shoot to kill. NEPHLITE: [Relena] That was my idea. Bang! >But right now, I suggest you all get some rest and not worry about it right >now. We'll show you your rooms." MALACHITE: [Goku] Go ahead and recover your hit points. JADEITE: Never trust a free inn. > >Goku beckoned them to follow him. They walked outside, Goku reached into his >gi pocket and pulled out a small pill. ZOISITE: Yeah, he's definitely on Prozac. >He threw it on the ground, a big POOF! of smoke appeared. When the dust settled, >the pill had transformed into a house. MALACHITE: Wow. It's a portable house from the original Final Fantasy. NEPHLITE: [monotone] You can't use a HOUSE here. Not enough space. > >"Okay, did I just see a pill turn into a HOUSE?" Duo asked, rubbing his eyes. >"Man, all of this fighting is taking its toll..." ZOISITE: [Duo] God, why do you mock me? > >Goku smiled, "Let's just say we're not as primitive as we look. A friend of >mine named Bulma created these, she is very smart. You'll >be meeting her tomorrow. Now go inside and fight over your rooms," he laughed. JADEITE: He's making fun of them. Bully! MALACHITE: If you were up against Goku, you'd know not to talk back. >Vegeta snorted once again. > >"You and your lame jokes, Kakarotto," he mumbled, walking away. NEPHLITE: [Vegeta] You hussy. You'll pay. ZOISITE: ... JADEITE: Has anyone seen Piccolo in the last few minutes? I think he walked off the set. > >"Okay, after you settle into your rooms, come back inside, we'll have dinner >ready," Goku walked away, leaving the five pilots and >Relena by themselves. Duo hesitated before walking in, with everyone else following. >He turned around. JADEITE: --and drew a gun! MALACHITE: [Duo] This is my *boom* stick. > >"Okay, I get first dibs!" He smiled, looking around. > >"Hm, not bad at all," Quatre said, "This is as big as an ordinary house. Dining >room, living room, bathroom, five bedrooms..." ZOISITE: Damn it! He's been reduced to giving exposition. NEPHLITE: Not that I care. > >"Five bedrooms?" Wufei asked. > >"Yeah," Quatre pointed at a little tag by the door: COPYRIGHT CAPSULE COPORATION, >2000. JADEITE: All right... who brought that on the set? ZOISITE: [Quatre] It also says "Copyright 1989 Square, 1985 Akira Toriyama and Bird Studio, 1997 Funimation, 2000 LaBeck..." >House complete with a dining room, a living room, one bathroom, and five bedrooms. MALACHITE: Intense real estate action! [The others groan.] > >"Okay, there's five bedrooms, but there's six of us. One of us is going to have >to share with someone else," Trowa said. > >"Hmmmmm, who's going to share?" Quatre wondered. NEPHLITE: Perceptive, isn't he? ZOISITE: Shut up, or I'll start nagging on Trowa and Wufei. > >"We can let Relena have her own room, I mean, being the great gentlemen we are and all..." MALACHITE: Duo really *doesn't* fit into the group. JADEITE: [Duo] Umm... hello? Anyone listening? What am I doing in this series? > >"Shutup, Duo," Wufei muttered, "Stupid weaklings." > >"That's alright," Relena said, "I wouldn't mind sharing with somebody." ZOISITE: Wow. She actually made a come-on. Someone mark the calendar. > >Duo ran up to her and hugged her. JADEITE: [Duo] Thank you. Get me out of here!! > >"Thank you!" He cried, "Thank you! Now I don't have to worry about sharing a >bed with one of them! MALACHITE: ... ZOISITE: ... >I can watch whatever I want, do whatever I want..." > >"Duo you're really starting to annoy me," Wufei muttered. JADEITE: [Duo] Can I stay up until midnight? MALACHITE: [Wufei] Shut up. JADEITE: [Duo] Can I play Suikoden II and Thousand Arms and turn up the volume? MALACHITE: [Wufei] Shut up. JADEITE: [Duo] Can I have a double martini? MALACHITE: [Wufei] Shut up, and give it to me. > >Duo sighed, "Well, I get this room right here..." he said, pointing to a small >room next to the bathroom. Quatre walked upstairs, "I have this one," he called. ZOISITE: That's the closet, Quatre. NEPHLITE: How appropriate. [Zoisite glares at him.] > >Wufei walked upstairs also, "I have the room next to him." > >Trowa looked around, then walked off, "I have this room. Looks like you two >are sharing." he closed the door behind him. MALACHITE: There they go. Anyone think Wufei or Trowa will do anything? ZOISITE: I would hope as little as possible. > >Relena blushed (who wouldn't?). > >"Well, I guess we better settle in," she said cheerfully. Heero said nothing, NEPHLITE: Except for "Another fool..." >he walked quietly into the room, Relena following. Heero >looked around. The room was small, but not too small. There was a small bed in the >corner with a couch across from it. There was a wooden dresser ast the end of the >room, which a television set rested on. Two lamps hung from the walls. JADEITE: In short, it's a motel room. ZOISITE: [Relena] Can we watch "War of the Roses"? MALACHITE: [Heero] Shut up. ZOISITE: [Relena] Can I take you with me into the shower? MALACHITE: [Heero] Shut up. ZOISITE: [Relena] Can I repeatedly clock you with a hammer the moment you do or say something mildly suggestive? MALACHITE: [Heero] Shut-- wait a second... > >"It's a nice room," Relena said cheerfully, trying to spark a conversation. >Heero snorted JADEITE: Just like Vegeta. >and walked around, inspecting everything. > >"What are you doing?" Relena asked. Heero looked under the dressers and under the bed. NEPHLITE: [Heero] I'm looking for a Gideon Bible. I know they hid one somewhere around here... > >"Looking for bombs. Until I know these people better, they are my enemies," >Heero muttered. MALACHITE: Is that Heero or Kamui? ZOISITE: Heero. Kamui shows a little more emotion. > >Relena chuckled softly. She sat down on the bed, sighing softly. 'Oh Heero, you >don't trust anyone, do you?' Relena thought softly. >She got up and walked out of the room, heading for the Sons house to eat. JADEITE: She's been here about an hour less than the pilots, and she's already visiting the neighbors. Rather impressive, actually. NEPHLITE: That's because only Duo and Quatre actually start conversations. The others are too busy angsting. >After Heero was done checking, he sat on the couch. He reached into his pockets JADEITE: Oh, my. >and took out a gun, checking to see if it was loaded. His face was dark, his >eyes intense. His gun was fully loaded. ALL: No. > >"Relena, your end is coming," he whispered hoarsely, "I promised I would kill you, >and I always keep my promises." > >He put his gun away and headed for the Sons house, his stomach grumbling. [All the generals laugh.] ZOISITE: First eat, then kill. Very important. > >TO BE CONTINUED MALACHITE: These are nice, short chapters. Thank Beryl for that. >Review Story > Title: > A Cry For Help part 2 > Censor: > PG13 > Name: JADEITE: What is your name? What is your quest? What are the five primary uses of Gundanium? > Email: > (optional) > Review: > > > > > > > > MALACHITE: [singing] You were there when the skies were wide, wide open... > Home | About Us | Awards | Nonprofit Status | Disclaimer >| Site Statistics > > > NEPHLITE: Time to return to the Danger Room. JADEITE: Again? NEPHLITE: Yes, again. [They depart.] -- THE INSANITY CONTINUES in Transformation Sequence chapter 2. -Alan April 28, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-2000 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. "Gundam Wing" is copyright 1999-2000 Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and TV Asahi. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. For a guide to romanizations of Gundam Wing names, see http://www.gundamwing.org/faq/spelling.html Stinger: >"What the hell is wrong with this dimension?" Duo raised his arms >helplessly, "Dinosuars, people with extroadinary power, and now >we have evil clones!"