--Alan -- After a long wait, it continues. Get ready for some not-so-serious fighting action! ################################################ MST: The Cry for Help, chapter 3 Nega-Hell 18.1 Original by LaBeck Treatment by Alan ################################################ Nephlite entered the throne room one morning, his face downcast and dreary. "I hate my life," he muttered. From the coffee table, the others looked up at him. "What's wrong now?" Malachite asked, as he shuffled a few cards, "Are you still angry at yourself for being a hopeless, drooling Dragonball fan?" "Hardly," the more evil general told him, "I have more important things to angst over." A half-smile creased Jadeite's face. "Since when is 'angst' a verb?" he asked. Though it was tempting, Nephlite ignored the question. "Rather than ponder the existential, absurd nature of my interest in DBZ, I have decided to move on to happier, more relevant topics. First and foremost among those are fansubs and fansubbers." The two f-words caused Malachite to jump. "He said it! He said it!" he exclaimed, horrified. "Calm down, dear," Zoisite whispered to him, "This isn't the time for your paranoid conspiracy single- bullet theories." "Yes, I said it. And I'll say it again if I have to," Nephlite said, glaring at the silver-haired one. "You see, I have a bit of a beef with them." Meanwhile, Jadeite sighed. Tiring of this pointless discussion, he walked over to his PC. Trying to figure out the source of Nephlite's current gripe, Zoisite asked, "So, what's not to like about fansubs?" Nephlite flinched. Then he screamed, loudly. "Oh, dear," whispered Zoisite. "Nephlite... explain!" said Malachite, trying to sound as authoritative as Captain Kirk. The general slowly regained his composure. "Remember that I mentioned Akazukin Chacha a few months ago? Well, that was late November. The fansubbed tapes arrived *last week*." Malachite, not as commanding as Shatner, fell to the floor. "I know," Nephlite said with sympathy, "Unfortunately, that's not all. Most of the subtitles were a few seconds behind. Often, a phrase would not be subtitled. One episode suffered because someone lost the original script: all the capitalization, punctuation, and halfway- to-decent spelling was gone." Zoisite watched Malachite slowly get up. She told him, "That is bad. I shouldn't have said anything." "Indeed. You better watch yourself, Zoisite. Keep quiet. Learn something!" Nephlite said to her. *** "Hello there, Guardians of Order," Beryl said to her generals, "I know it's been a while since your last program--" "Don't mention it," Jadeite quickly said. He then sweatdropped. Beryl just stared at them for a few moments. She regained her composure, and continued, "Anyway, there's now four more chapters of Cry for Help. You'd better get back to work!" Jadeite looked at the others. "Is this technically work?" he asked them. "In an odd sense, yes," Malachite replied, soberly. Slowly, Beryl snuck out of the room. She could just have easily brought up her unbreakable barrier, but she figured the generals had been trained in the best Pavlovian method. They did not notice her walking away. "It's time to go, children," Nephlite said in his usual nigh-omnipotent tone, "Who's with me?" Zoisite quickly raised her hand, as did Jadeite. Deliberately, Malachite put up a hand as well. "Yay," he muttered. -- The final answer door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The four enter the small theater. The seating order is true to the game. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Nephlite, and Zoisite.] > > > > Live Stats: 25,523 Stories, 7,714 Authors, 333 >Categories, 843 Links NEPHLITE: And over seven hundred episodes of Dragonball. It's kind of said, really. > > Home » JustIn | Forum | Directory | Chat > | Links | BannerXchange | Help Desk JADEITE: Gundam technical service. May we help you? > Black List > > >Browse Categories TitleSummaryAuthor >FlavorTangerineKiwiBlueberryGrapeLimeStrawberry >BlackberryMint < Users Online: 244 > English >to French English to German English to Italian English >to Portuguese English to Spanish French to English >German to MALACHITE: We get the idea! ZOISITE: Calm down, and let the list end. >English Italian to English Portuguese to English >Spanish to English German to French French to German >Russian to English > NEPHLITE: Actually, I was hoping to translate this into Catalan. > >A Cry For Help part 3 >Category: Anime » Dragon Ball Z Censor: PG13 >Reviews: 6 Download Story: 9KB >Author: LaBeck JADEITE: This fic is undergoing a few *mutations*... > >Heero sat down on the couch with his dinner in hand. >He yawned, exhausted. He looked blankly at his dinner, >his eyes impassive. ZOISITE: That word turns up a lot. Anyone know what it means? NEPHLITE: It means "emotionless." ZOISITE: I figured as much. > >'I wonder if they poisoned this?' he wondered. He looked up >at Wufei and Duo, who were shoving the food into their mouths >quickly. JADEITE: [Heero] I'm *so* embarrassed. >Disgusted, Heero looked away. JADEITE: Wow! Go figure. >Trowa was outside talking to Quatre quietly. Relena sat down on >the couch across from him, but said nothing. She quietly ate her meal. > >"Not hungry?" NEPHLITE: [Heero] Actually, yes. I've been waiting several days for this. You don't know what it's like, do you? Well, do you? You don't know what it's like to be an angsty little pretty-boy with awesome destructive powers! I wouldn't mock me if I were you! That's right, you hear what I'm saying! I *am* hungry! FEED ME!! > >Heero looked up at Goku. He smiled, "If you don't want it, I'll be >glad to eat it for you." ZOISITE: [Goku] No, feed ME!! > >Heero rolled his eyes again and did not answer, he looked away from >Goku, who was pouting. Relena cleared her dish and dabbed at her lips >with her napkin, got up and placed the plate on the kitchen table. A >young lady who black hair appraoched her, smiling. JADEITE: I see someone slipped her the happy pills. ZOISITE: At least Chichi's in character. > >"My name is Chi Chi, I'm Goku's wife." > >"I'm Relena," She smiled. Chi Chi smiled back. (A lot of smiling in >here, eh?) MALACHITE: We noticed. JADEITE: Eh? *Eh?* No wonder Gundam Wing was shown on Canadian TV. > >"Here, I'll wash the dishes, okay? You go get some rest," Chi Chi >took the dish out of Relena's hands and began to wash it, humming >a soft tune. MALACHITE: [Chichi] Just for me, communication... > >Meanwhile outside... NEPHLITE: Akira Yuzuriha was planting bushes in strategic locations. > >"I wonder if Oz is somehow behind all of this?" Quatre asked. JADEITE: Ah, those Australians. They're wacky! ZOISITE: Bakayarou. Just because the organization has the name "Oz" does not mean they're all Australian. JADEITE: I know. It just makes things more interesting. >Trowa shrugged, "Most likely, but if they could build a Gundam, don't >you think they would just attack us instead of somehow cloning us MALACHITE: I wonder how cloning is involved in all this. JADEITE: Well, there's seventy million sheep in New Zealand. They had to do *something* with them. >and sending 'us' to another dimension [Nephlite cracks up.] >to attack some other civilization?" > >"I don't think so," Quatre said, biting his lip, "They have talented >pilots, but they aren't talented enough to handle a Gundam. We're used >to its speed and strength, they aren't. They would be killed if they >brought the Gundam to the maximum limit." MALACHITE: [singing] Take it to the limit... one more time... ZOISITE: I wonder if a Gundam can go into Super-Saiyajin mode-- NEPHLITE: Don't even *think* such things!! > >Trowa grinned, "You're right. So, they somehow duplicated our DNA and >created an 'evil version' of us, probably using some type of technology JADEITE: Marshmallow puffs and punji sticks. >to cause them to inherit our skills." > >"But what about the Gundams?" Quatre wondered. MALACHITE: What about *Bob*? > >"Hmmm," Trowa scratched his head, "I really don't know." > >Quatre looked around, "This is really a beautiful place. Look at that >sunset! Look at the mountains! What a wonderful sight..." NEPHLITE: Does he *have* to make such inane observations? ZOISITE: You be quiet, or else I'll start mentioning Wufei and Trowa's faults. > >Trowa nodded, "Yeah, it is kinda nice, isn't it?" > >Quatre yawned, "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. I'm going >to my room and I'm hitting the sack. You know, sleep. G' night, Trowa. JADEITE: [Trowa] Good night, mother. ZOISITE: [Quatre] Good night, John-boy. >See ya tomorrow." > >Quatre waved and walked to their house, yawning the whole way. Trowa >sighed and looked around, "I guess I'll go to bed too." MALACHITE: [Trowa] I follow him! JADEITE: Right... then *your* mech blows up as well. > >"Nice meal your mate made, Kakarotto. ZOISITE: That was abrupt. >I must get going, it's late and Bulma will spaz on me if I don't get >home soon," Vegeta muttered and flew off. Goku waved. He turned to >Heero, "Well, the sun is setting and the stars are already starting to >come out. I think you should get some sleep. NEPHLITE: [Goku] Man, you're turning into a zombie. I think you're one step away from the living dead. Don't protest on me, just go to sleep. Y'hear me, SLEEP! >I'll see you in the morning," Goku yawned and walked upstairs to his >room. Heero sighed and looked at his dinner plate, which was untouched. >He ate some of it slowly, then threw it into the sink. JADEITE: When you're good enough, you can get away with anything. >He walked outside towards his house, he stopped once he saw Relena >outside looking at the stars. MALACHITE: Target sighted. >He shook his head and walked inside to his room. MALACHITE: Then again... maybe not. >He yawned and sat on the couch, thinking to himself quietly. He turned >around quickly once he heard the door open, ZOISITE: [Heero] Fate!! >and immediately relaxed when it was Relena. She closed the door behind >her softly, and sat down on the bed. Heero said nothing, JADEITE: He reminds me of Crono. NEPHLITE: Or possibly Duke Togo. >he looked out the window at the glowing stars. > >"Want to watch anything, Heero?" Relena asked. JADEITE: Let's see... we have "Ishtar," "Robot Monster," "Wizards," the made-for-TV version of "Rear Window," "Macron-1," "Can't Stop the Music," and a bunch of Mexican mummy movies. What's on television? ZOISITE: Just a bunch of survival-drama game shows. > >Heero snorted, "No." and continued to stare out of the window. > >Relena sat down on the couch next to him, looking out the window. MALACHITE: They borrowed the "window scene" from Transformation Sequence. > >"It's a pretty sight, isn't it?" Relena asked him. > >Heero closed his eyes, JADEITE: --which were impassive. >crossing his arms, sighing. The wind suddenly >began to howl, dark clouds appeared, JADEITE: It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a maid screamed! >covering the land like a blanket. The land seemed to get darker. Heero >shuddered as he felt a rain drop hit his shoulder. He closed the window. > >"Looks like a storm," he said. MALACHITE: [Andy Bogard] Feel the storm? It's coming. > >"Heero, how about we get some sleep? Big day tomorrow, huh?" ZOISITE: Yeah. Maybe we'll get an interesting scene. >Relena laid down, snuggling under the blankets. Heero laid down on >the couch, putting his arms behind his head, cushoining it. He closed >his eyes. > >"Heero, why are-" JADEITE: [Relena] Why is the sky blue? NEPHLITE: [same] Why isn't there an AAAA battery? ZOISITE: [same] Why do birds appear every time you're near? MALACHITE: [same] Why... Spock? >Relena was cut off by Heero's abrupt answer. > >"Is there a problem with me sleeping on the couch?" He demanded. NEPHLITE: He's being belligerent and pigheaded today. You could almost mistake him for Wufei. > >"No..." Relena sighed, turning off the light. > >"Goodnight, Heero," she said, ZOISITE: [Relena] Goodnight, Chief. MALACHITE: [Heero] Goodnight, McCloud. >closing her eyes. He said nothing. It didn't take long for both of >them to drift off into peaceful slumber... > >Later that night... JADEITE: De-later de-letter de-madder I getter. > >Heero awoke with a cold start, his eyes turned cold. He looked over >at Relena, who was still sleeping. He took out his gun, and approached >her. He pointed his gun at her, NEPHLITE: [Heero] This is your nine o'clock alarm call! >his eyes impassive. > >"I'm sorry I have to do this, but I can't let you live, you know far too much..." Heero said softly, readying himself to pull the trigger. He >jumped in surprise as the entire room lightened up for a split second, ZOISITE: Drama! >following with a loud cry of thunder. Relena began to stirr. > >"Damn," Heero cursed silently. Relena rolled over, MALACHITE: If she could dodge bullets in her sleep, this would be a lot funnier. JADEITE: Roll over Relena, and tell Trowa the news. >facing him, her eyes still closed. He sighed with relief. Suddenly... > >"What?" Heero turned as Duo crashed in. JADEITE: [Duo] I'm here to crash your party! Put all drugs and alcohol down immediately. ZOISITE: At least he gets a scene. >Heero immediately put his gun away. > >"Heero! They've found us!" He yelled. NEPHLITE: [Duo] They've connected you to the new computer virus! MALACHITE: How hard can that be? > >Relena opened her eyes, "What's going on?" she asked. > >"They're attacking us! MALACHITE: Fortunately, they only have clubs, while we have Gundams made with *Gundanium*. >Hurry and get to your Gundam, Heero!" Duo ran off. > >"Heero...?" Relena appeared to be confused. ZOISITE: You're implying this is an unusual event. > >"Stay here," Heero said firmly, running off. > >"Prepare yourselves, ingrates!" Vegeta ALL: Huh? NEPHLITE: Nice transition. >blasted into Super Saiya-Jin, his hair turned blonde, his black eyes >went teal. His muscles buldged. JADEITE: That's *so* embarrassing when it happens in public. >He threw a ki blast at the advancing Gundam, it hit. Vegeta shielded >his eyes from the light from the explosion. When the dust settled, the >Gundam was still there, unscratched. MALACHITE: I guess his damage roll was pretty low. > >"Damn! Not a single scratch," Vegeta wiped some prespiration from his >forehead, sneering. Goku hovered beside him. JADEITE: [Goku] Can I help? Huh? ZOISITE: [Vegeta] No, you're just the plot device and comic relief. > >"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Goku screamed at the top of his lungs, his hair >stood up and turned blonde, his muscles increased in size. He flew at >the Wing Gundam, gathering energy in his hand. NEPHLITE: Beryl will be pleased. ZOISITE: Let's not go any further with that idea. > >Evil Heero laughed, "Fool! Do you really think you can destroy my Gundam?" MALACHITE: [Evil Heero] No, this can not be! I am invincible-- > >He raised his cannon, and fired at him. Goku teleported out of the way, >appearing behind Evil Heero's Gundam, kicking it to the ground. JADEITE: When you're a Super-Saiyajin, you can afford to be a bully. >The earth trembled as the large Gundam hit the ground. Goku threw the ki >blast at the fallen Gundam, but to no advail. ZOISITE: [mechanical] The Slime is waiting for the attack. MALACHITE: Maybe you shouldn't use fire magic on a fire elemental. >Goku panted, gasping for air. > >"I hope those Gundam Pilots made it to their moble suits," Goku said, >"I'm almost out of energy." JADEITE: Besides, there's only four minutes left of this episode. > >Heero ran faster when he saw his Gundam come into view. Suddenly... > >"No, you don't!" A voice cried. NEPHLITE: It seems we have unexpected visitors. > >Heero stopped abruptly as a large sword sliced the ground [Zoisite starts chanting the Escaflowne theme.] >only inches from him. He flipped away from the sword, looking up at >Quatre's Gundam. > >"Hello there," Evil Quatre laughed. MALACHITE: Speaking of Escaflowne, I think that's Dilandau. NEPHLITE: Don't say that! It's scary! > >Heero backed away slightly, scowling. Quatre's Gundam raised its sword, >bringing it down towards Heero. Heero jumped out of the way. JADEITE: Good thing he was trained as a martial artist. > >"Arggh!" Heero could feel Evil Quatre's sword graze his arm. Heero >ran faster, picking up his pace. Avoiding Evil Quatre's deadly sword >was difficult, he jumped or stopped running, Evil Quatre's sword only >missing him by inches. ZOISITE: With a little re-writing, this would be a great comedy scene. >Heero grinned as he neared his Gundam. Just a few more yards... > >"AH!" Heero fell to the ground MALACHITE: Touchdown! Touchdown! >as Evil Quatre's sword sliced into his leg. Evil Quatre's Gundam walked >closer to Heero, raising his sword. JADEITE: Wait... wouldn't now be a great time for Evil Quatre to reveal his plans, make stupid threats, or do something equally villainous? NEPHLITE: I hope not... for his sake and mine. > >"Go ahead and run if you can," Evil Quatre laughed, "But I'd doubt >you'd get too far with that injured leg." NEPHLITE: Damn. I should've expected as much. > >Heero climbed to his feet, withstanding his agony. He stared at Evil >Quatre with hatred, then he began to run, but his injured leg gave out. ZOISITE: He runs like a *girl*. [The others stare at Zoisite.] >Heero fell to the ground, his leg pounding. Heero began to get dizzy from >the loss of blood, but he again stood up, running again. He stumbled and >limped, but he wouldn't allow himself to fall. Not this time. JADEITE: [Heero, menacing] The next time I fall in love, it will be with you. > >"I can make it..." Heero trailed off as he collasped on the ground. He >looked up at his tormentor in pain. His leg was numb and everything was >spinning. Heero's eyes widened. MALACHITE: [Heero] Oro... > >"I will not die in such a pathetic state," he coughed, "If I'm going >to die tonight, I will die in my Gundam with honor." ZOISITE: Could that be a challenge? MALACHITE: Sounds like a challenge to me. > >Evil Quatre laughed as he raised his sword, preparing for the final >blow. Heero struggled to get up, to run, but there was no time... NEPHLITE: There's no time to lose. ZOISITE: Toulouse. Toulouse... >"Damn you!" Heero yelled, struggling. > >"Say goodbye, Heero Yuy!" ALL: Goodbye, Heero Yuy. JADEITE: Goodnight, sweet pilot. May flights of angels guide thee to thy rest. >Evil Quatre laughed. Suddenly... > >Evil Quatre screamed in horror as a red light sabor NEPHLITE: --with "L. Skywalker" carved on the handle-- >cut through his Gundam length-wise, causing it to explode. Heero >shielded his eyes from the blinding light. Debris hit the ground around >him. Heero looked up at the dark Gundam who saved him. ZOISITE: Who was that masked Gundam? MALACHITE: Maybe it's Zechs. > >"I told you to hurry up, buddy," Duo smiled, "Now come on, let's go." JADEITE: I always knew he'd get a scene. NEPHLITE: [Duo] Let's go, Gekiganger! > >NEXT ON "A CRY FOR HELP": The Evil Gubdam Pilots ZOISITE: Whoever *they* are. >retreat, but the battle isn't over yet... > >Review Story >Title: A Cry For Help part 3 >Censor: PG13 NEPHLITE: We have no objection to Heero bleeding. In fact, we wouldn't mind seeing him *die*. MALACHITE: You're slipping too far into evil... >Name: >Email: (optional) >Review: > > > > JADEITE: In the time it took to present that empty space, seventy acres of Brazilian rainforest-- ZOISITE: Be quiet. >Home | About Us | Awards | Nonprofit Status | Disclaimer | >Site Statistics > > > MALACHITE: We're done for the day. I'm going. JADEITE: No complaint there. [They leave.] -- NEXT EPISODE: TWO CLICKS AWAY. -Alan June 8, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com (updated!) "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-2000 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. "Gundam Wing" is copyright 1999-2000 Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and TV Asahi. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. For a guide to romanizations of Gundam Wing names, see http://www.gundamwing.org/faq/spelling.html Stinger: >Evil Heero laughed, "Fool! Do you really think you >can destroy my Gundam?"