--Alan -- It took a while, but it was worth it. Cry for Help 5 *and* 6. You'll laugh, you'll weep, and you'll have a lot of popcorn. ############################################################# MST: Cry for Help, chapter 5 and 6 A Dragonball Z/Gundam Wing crossover Original by LaBeck Treatment by Alan ############################################################# Nephlite, Malachite, and Zoisite met in the throne room in the early morning. "I assume you know why we're meeting so early in the morning," Malachite whispered to the others. "Of course we do," Nephlite told him, "but the audience doesn't." "Right." After clearing his throat, Malachite said to the audience, "We've been wondering what Jadeite's been doing on his computer. It just sits in the corner of the throne room a lot of the time... but we're pretty sure he uses it on a regular basis." Not even bothering to listen to his narration, Zoisite hit the switch on the PC. "Ping!" she said as the computer registered a "ping" sound. "I gotta see this," Nephlite whispered in an aside, "because I suspect that Jadeite knows more than we suspect." He walked up to the computer. Slowly, the monitor turned on. The text gave way to a graphical interface. "Now if we just do this and this..." Zoisite said, pressing random keys, "We will be... on his bookmarks page!" The others stared at the monitor. "This is the AOL home page," Malachite commented. "His comments about Microsoft and the devil suddenly become ironic, eh?" Nephlite whispered. He laughed quietly, for this information would help him to advance the others' evolutionary process. "Maybe I should use the mouse, too," said Zoisite, realizing her error. She operated the computer in a normal way. A moment later, she reached the bookmarks page. "Now the moment of suspense is realized!" The others gasped dramatically. "Not much unusual," Malachite said, scanning over the text, "He's got CNN, *** "Good day, lonely hearts club band," Beryl said to her minions, "Let me introduce to you the one-and-only..." As she paused, the generals gasped. They saw a small figure-- about two feet tall--emerge from the shadows near Beryl's throne. "...Mini-Queen!" the queen proudly said. She smiled deviously as her clone walked into the room. On seeing Mini-Queen, Nephlite fainted. "Unholy! Evil! Wicked cool!" shouted the other generals in random order. Mini-Queen was dressed in a black cape, a radioactive-red dress, combat boots, and a spike-shaped crown to top it off. She sneered at the still-conscious generals. "Welcome to the beginning of the end!" she yelled in an impossibly squeaky voice. Slowly, Jadeite, Malachite, and Zoisite's eyes opened. They regained their composure. "She's... not... very evil," they said together. For a moment, all was quiet. Then Mini-Queen shrieked, "How dare you insinuate that I'm not evil!!" Her voice remained mouse-like and shrill. The generals, wisely, stayed silent. "Thank you," Mini-Queen said. She huffed and walked out of the room. "Well... with that out of the way..." Jadeite said in a sotto voice, "What's for lunch?" -- The ever-present, eternally faithful door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The four enter the small theater. The seating order, according to the Word, is: Jadeite, Malachite, Nephlite, and Zoisite.] ZOISITE: Back when we started this, there were only a hundred Gundam Wing fics on fanfiction.net. Now there's almost two thousand. JADEITE: This'll give us memories somewhere down the road. > > ><----------------------< f a n f i c t i o n i s t h e >f r e e d o m t o e x p r e s s >-----> NEPHLITE: Yes, but you still have to pay for the online access. ZOISITE: Freedom is highly overrated. > > Browse Categories TitleSummaryAuthor >FlavorTangerineKiwiBlueberryGrapeLimeStrawberryBlackberryMint JADEITE: I prefer my Gundam Wing fics in peach. > > > Home » JustIn | Forum MALACHITE: A funny thing happened on the way to fanfiction.net... >| Directory | Chat | Links | Help Desk | Black List >Stats: 39,465 fics, 11,134 authors NEPHLITE: Divide that by 18, and you get the number of the beast. ZOISITE: Really? > > > Random fic: Love Conquers All - Part 2 MALACHITE: --the conquest of Spain and upstate New York. >by Lady Galahad - G - TV Shows » Babylon 5 07-25-00 07:22AM JADEITE: Would you write fanfics at 7:22 in the morning? MALACHITE: I know I would. > >A Cry for Help part 5 >Category: Anime » Gundam Censor: PG13 Reviews: 21 ZOISITE: Of course, you can get fifty reviews just by posting a message such as "I H8 ALL UV U!!!!!!" >Download Story: 19KB >Author: LaBeck JADEITE: [singing] Odelay, odelay, life goes on... lai-di- dai-di life goes on... NEPHLITE: Be quiet. You don't know what you're talking about. > >"There is no way in hell that I am going to fuse with you!" ZOISITE: Nice in-media-res opening. MALACHITE: [deep] Last time on Fushigi Yuugi... "Miaka!" "Tamahome!" "Miaka!" "Nuriko!!!" >Vegeta yelled. > >"Vegeta, it's our only chance!" Goku yelled. JADEITE: [Goku] I'll never have that recipe again... Ohhhh nooooooo.... > >"You unlucky bastards are on your way to hell," MALACHITE: [deep] My father always said you'd be nothing but a mercenary--an unemployed, dead one at that. NEPHLITE: The dialogue is even better than Transformation Sequence. >Evil Wufei sneered, his Gundam lifted its arm and shot fire >at Goku and Vegeta. JADEITE: Next time, try anti-perspirant. [Zoisite rushes to the back of the room. She doesn't appear to be in good health.] MALACHITE: You shouldn't have said that. >Goku and Vegeta quickly teleport out of the way. > >"Vegeta!" Goku screamed, "We have to fuse NOW!" NEPHLITE: Cold fusion? Like you'll ever achieve that. [Zoisite walks back, looking less ill.] > >"Never!" Vegeta yelled, throwing multiple ki blasts JADEITE: As well as a gopher, a 1990 Cubs shirt, and a kitchen sink. >at Wufei's Gundam. > >"Time to die," MALACHITE: Ever heard of a saving throw? ZOISITE: It's kind of like the pen-and-paper Star Wars RPG. >Wufei flew at Goku, hitting him to the ground with the >powerful fist of his Gundam. JADEITE: He's going for the fences! > >Goku slammed into the ground, gasping for air. ZOISITE: [Goku] I'm so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. >Wufei's Gundam raised its beam sabor, ready to strike Goku. NEPHLITE: This is abuse. Why should he have to put up with this? > >"Damn you," Goku struggled to his feet, holding his >limp arm. MALACHITE: Left hand on feet, right hand on arm. JADEITE: [singing] Let's play Twister, let's play Risk... >Wufei began to bring down his beam sabor, suddenly- NEPHLITE: There was a paragraph break. It was awkward. ZOISITE: [Wufei as Kuno] I am REVIVED! > >"What?!" Evil Wufei gasped in surprise as Wufei's (the >good one) JADEITE: Attacked by his... um, original? ZOISITE: No. That makes no sense. Don't get it, don't want to get it. NEPHLITE: I think Mini-Queen could beat Beryl in a fair fight. >Gundam grabbed his Gundam by the head, throwing him into >the air. ZOISITE: Anyone for modern dance? > >"Go to hell!" MALACHITE: Aren't you already there? >Wufei's Gundam shot a blast of fire at the evil Gundam, >blowing it up. NEPHLITE: [tough] I will knock you all down! > >"Thank you," Goku yelled. JADEITE: Thank you, Stainmaster. MALACHITE: Thank you, Alanis. ZOISITE: [droll] I'd like to thank the Academy... > >"No problem, it is my duty to protect the weak. Yes, you're >strong, NEPHLITE: Strength doesn't lie in numbers. Strength doesn't lie in a well. ZOISITE: [Zelgadis] I want to be strong... strong! >but without a Gundam at your command right now, you are >considered weak," Wufei's Gundam flew off. JADEITE: You could've at least left a note... > >Goku gasped in pain, holding his right arm. MALACHITE: [singing] I hold your hand in mine, dear... > >"Kakaroto!" Vegeta hovered beside him. ZOISITE: You see, he's beside himself. Ha, that was funny. > >"Vegeta, if we don't fuse..." Goku trailed off as pain shot >up his arm. NEPHLITE: Next thing you know, there'll be blood dripping over a computer. MALACHITE: Goku, you're a loser, baby. Why don't they kill you? >Vegeta winced. "Damn," he whispered, "I hate this!" JADEITE: Well, we don't like you either! > >Goku looked at him, "Well?" > >Vegeta cursed, MALACHITE: Spring of Drowned Saiyan, maybe? ZOISITE: Wouldn't we all love that. >"Fine, just this once! You hear me, Kakaroto?!" ZOISITE: [Vegeta] Can you hear me? Can you feel me near you? > >Goku smiled, "Thank you, Vegeta." JADEITE: [singing] You've been so kind and generous. I want to thank you for it... > >They hovered several feet away from each other, MALACHITE & NEPHLITE: [Goku & Vegeta] I am NOT with him! >beginning the fusion dance. ZOISITE: This is where the dancer becomes the dance. NEPHLITE: Oh, didn't we all just *love* Eighties pop. > >"FU-" They tiptoed close to eachother, JADEITE: Now be very quiet, sneak up on the Gundam, and blam blam BLAM! >extending their arms in the oppisite direction, "-SION!" > >They leaned towards each other, MALACHITE: Lean on him when you're not strong. He'll be your friend. He'll help you carry on. ZOISITE: It won't be long before I'm gonna need somebody... >extending their arms to eachother, their finger tips touching. NEPHLITE: I wonder how much the ballet sequence cost. > >"-HA!" They screamed as a bright aura surrounded them. JADEITE: Hey, it's a battle aura! And it's sparking! MALACHITE: Dull, dull, dull. > >"What?" Evil Duo asked, noticing the explosion. ZOISITE: It happened. It was large. Most people would notice it. NEPHLITE: If he lives in Melbourne, he should be used to it. Or maybe he just spends too much time at Hungry Jack. >Where Vegeta and Goku had once stood, was a man. JADEITE: But not just any man... FUSION MAN! >His eyes intense, he wore baggy white pants, with a long blue >belt tied around his waist. He wore a black vest with an >orange collar, his chest was showing in the opening of the vest. NEPHLITE: As if this is important. ZOISITE: He'd kill us if we didn't describe him. So we found some stock footage. >His hair was blonde and sticking up, with one bang curled >over his eye. > >"I am not Vegeta nor Son Gokou," NEPHLITE: I am not Ultraman! Nor am I Ponpoko! >he spoke, his voice a mix between Vegeta's and Goku's, his eyes >burned like wild fire, JADEITE: Wildfire the horse. [singing] Well one day there came a killing frost... >"I am Gogeta, the one who will send you to hell." MALACHITE: --but only for union-scale wages. > >With lightening speed, ZOISITE: Fast enough to brighten the room. JADEITE: I wish I could go that fast. >he flew at Duo's Gundam, punching the evil Deathscythe to >the ground. MALACHITE: [Gogeta] Gekigan PUNCH! >"Damn, this guy is tough!" NEPHLITE: His battle aura's sparking. You'd better run. >Duo rubbed his head, he gasped when he noticed the blood running >down his face. JADEITE: Watch. He's gonna do his Marlon Brando impression. MALACHITE: Spare us the pain, Evil Duo. > >Gogeta smiled, hovering lightly over Deathscythe, NEPHLITE: Impressive. That's what... thirty to fifty meters? >crossing his arms. > >"I'll kill you!" Evil Trowa yelled, ZOISITE: I will deny you of life-retaining functions! JADEITE: Eighties doublespeak. Now that's funny. >his Gundam launching missiles at Gogeta, who dodged them with ease. MALACHITE: He flies through the air with the greatest of ease. > >"Is that all you got?" Gogeta demanded, "If so, you better quit. JADEITE: Abort, Retry, *or* Quit. That's three options. NEPHLITE: As if there were an actual choice! >You don't stand a chance against me." > >Evil Trowa sighed, NEPHLITE: [Evil Trowa] I'm in love. >"Damn it! How did they create such a powerful warrior?" ZOISITE: They had a bunch of evolution-advancing mutation-agents. > >Trunks hovered in front of Trowa's Gundam, smiling. MALACHITE: [Trunks] If I keep this up, I could be Apollo Smile. ZOISITE: I... hadn't thought of that. Now I know my life will not be complete until I've seen him played by *that* voice actor. > >"It's a man who is created when two people fuse, JADEITE: You know... when a man loves a woman... >the person is a mixture of their chemistry, and his power is beyond one's >imagination. NEPHLITE: It'll really mess up your scouter. MALACHITE: [computer] Power level unreadable. Please insert a disk in drive A... >You better quit, my 'friend'," Trunks hovered away, smiling. JADEITE: Happy today? > >Before Trowa could react, Gogeta's fist struck his Gundam to the ground, ZOISITE: World-u shaking! NEPHLITE: I knew we'd use that line again. I just knew it. >smashing the Gundam's 'stomach' in. > >"Arrgghhh!" Trowa screamed in pain as the smashed armor hit his head. MALACHITE: The cow isn't anywhere. He's inside my mind. JADEITE: Huh? > >"We can't take anymore of this!" Evil Duo yelled, JADEITE: [singing] We're not gonna take it, we're not gonna make it... >"Wufei and Quatre have been killed! We must retreat!" ZOISITE: Oh, sure... just run. You might be smart to set the place on fire first. > >"You're right, anyway, Heero took a little prize with him from the >battlefield, NEPHLITE: I never knew Gundams could do *that*. >let's get out of here!" Trowa said. > >"Roger," ZOISITE: Who's Roger, and how'd he get here? MALACHITE: It makes about as much sense as "Ten-four" or "Chance-u!" >Trowa and Duo's Gundam flew off, leaving Gogeta, Trunks, and the >good Gundam Pilots there. JADEITE: Good, bad... does it really matter? We've got the Red Phone. > >"Alright, we did it!" Duo cheered. MALACHITE: What did you do? > >"No," Quatre said, "HE did it," his Gundam pointed at Gogeta, JADEITE: Giant robot... point! >who was grinning. Suddenly, an aura surrounded him, ZOISITE: Princess Aurora, maybe? NEPHLITE: I think she was in She-Ra. >and his body began to split in two. Suddenly, it separated quickly, >one half becoming Goku, and the other Vegeta. MALACHITE: Just imagine what would happen if they made a mistake. NEPHLITE: The show would improve considerably. > >"We did it!" Goku yelled. > >"Hmph," Vegeta snorted, crossing his arms. JADEITE: [bitter] You know I hate you... >Goku hovered over to the five Gundams standing not far away, he >smiled at them. ZOISITE: This isn't Son Goku, it's Genki Goku. > >"Thank you," he said, "We couldn't have done it without you. NEPHLITE: No, they *could have*! The Dragonball fighters could've easily won. JADEITE: They decided to take a few handicaps before the fic. >After all, you did destroy those two Gundams. Now, let's go >home, okay?" MALACHITE: Jet Gundam--let's go home! > >"Sure thing! I want to get some sleep!" NEPHLITE: Right. You know, that's the first thing I think about after winning a battle. ZOISITE: But you haven't won *anything* in... quite a while... >Duo smiled, the thought of sleep never made him happier. JADEITE: *He's* always happy. I think he needs a few tranquilizer darts. >"Yes, let's go home," Quatre agreed, NEPHLITE: Does he have a single original thought? [Zoisite's battle aura sparks. She starts seething.] >his Gundam flew off towards the Son house. > >"Otousan, JADEITE: I'm sensitive about my otousan! Don't talk about it. >how about we go home?" Trunks asked Vegeta, smiling, "That was >very thoughtful of you, dad, sacrificing your pride to fuse with >a lower class Siaya-Jin to save us all." [All laugh loudly.] MALACHITE: [Vegeta] I'm *so* embarrassed. ZOISITE: This is so much better than the anime. But even a series of still frames would improve on it. > >"Shut up," Vegeta muttered. ZOISITE: I think we've found this week's stinger. > >Suddenly, they heard a loud horn blow, they looked down in surprise. NEPHLITE: Yes, it seems we have a call from one Mr. Odin... > >"Bulma?" Vegeta asked. > >"Hey Vegeta, hey Trunks!" JADEITE: Hey-ya, pookie. MALACHITE: Hello, nurse! ZOISITE: Hey you... out there on your own sitting naked by the phone... >Bulma waved, "Come on, we have to plan for the upcoming battle." NEPHLITE: But it's tea-time! JADEITE: No. That definitely does not fit these characters. > >Vegeta and Trunks laughed. ZOISITE: Laugh, people. It's funny! > >"Mom, that won't be necessary," Trunks smiled. NEPHLITE: Save the battle for later. We want tea! > >Bulma raised an eyebrow, "Huh?" MALACHITE: [Bulma] Must... not... act! > >"Let's go home," Trunks smiled, hovering down into Bulma's car. ZOISITE: When did that car get there? MALACHITE: It was always there. It was offscreen. There was heavy traffic. She ran out of gas. There were breakdowns in communication. There was fire, locusts, an earthquake. It *wasn't* *her* *fault*! > >Vegeta hovered down slowly, landing in the front seat next to Bulma. JADEITE: Oh well. Might as well make use of it. > >"What's going on here?" Bulma demanded. > >"I'll explain it on the way home," Vegeta muttered. ZOISITE: [Bulma] Hey, I *demand* an explanation! > >Back at the Son house... MALACHITE: Meanwhile, in Tiara's dream world... NEPHLITE: Goku's in his heaven, all's right with the world. JADEITE: Huh? > >"Again, I thank you for your help. Now get some rest," NEPHLITE: Do we have to go through the bedroom scenes again? >Goku walked into his house, ALL: Thud! Ouch... >"Tomorrow we're sending you back to your regular dimension. [Malachite laughs hysterically.] >Unfortunately, we will have to erase your memory of what happened. >I'm sorry, but JADEITE: --you can only have so many memory cards! NEPHLITE: You'd think they were computers. >it's risky for you to know about our world, we could be endangered >again. Good night." ZOISITE: This is Son Goku saying good night. Good night, everybody! NEPHLITE: He'd fit in with the Kodomo no Omocha cast. > >Duo, Wufei, Quatre, and JADEITE: --Cookie Monster. ZOISITE: --Kevin Smith. MALACHITE: --the Decepticons. >Trowa walked into their rooms and closed their door. ZOISITE: All four did it at once? >Heero sighed, walking upstairs to his room. He opened the door, >walking in slowly, he yawned. MALACHITE: We're pacing this one a *little* slow today. It could be "A Day in the Life of Heero Denisovitch." >He suddenly noticed Relena was no longer there. > >"Relena?" He asked. Where did she go? NEPHLITE: [Heero] I thought I put her on a leash... >I told her to stay here! he thought, looking around. He stopped >once he saw a small note on her bed. ZOISITE: [Relena] Dear Heero, I've run off to elope with Piccolo. You'll never be half the man he is. JADEITE: [same] I've got an urgent appointment with my hairdressser. >He picked it up, reading it softly: > >Heero Yuy, NEPHLITE: --you may have just won ten million dollars! > >I'm guessing you're wondering where Relena is, eh? ZOISITE: She was kidnapped by Canadians! I bet they're making her bow down before the Great Beaver. She'll have to wear a mullet the rest of her life. MALACHITE: And here I thought the evil pilots were Australian. They even had a convincing song-and-dance sketch. >Well, she's with me. I'm surprised she's still alive. JADEITE: Did she forget to breathe? >You were supposed to kill her, that were your orders: MALACHITE: Arnold Schwarzenegger *is* Heero Yuy *in* Cry for Help! >to eliminate anything that gets between you and your destiny! NEPHLITE: [evil] Come with me, Heero. It is your destiny. JADEITE: [Heero] No, that can't be true. It's not possible! >That is what a true soldier would do. Come work with us, we >could use another Heero on our team. ZOISITE: Could you use another Heero? Well, we all could. Let's find out how we can make one at home. NEPHLITE: He'll end up as one of the Intensified Luck Soldiers. >Or do you want to try to rescue Relena? JADEITE: [computer] Do you want to SAVE the game? >Either way, you come alone, is that clear? No Gundam, no friends, MALACHITE: --no life, no hobbies, no money. ZOISITE: Yes, we have no bananas... >just you, do you hear me? If you bring company, Relena will die. NEPHLITE: Just any company? I was expecting Wal-Mart. >Here is our location: walk two miles North, turn West, and you will >spot a mountain. Our fortress is in there. JADEITE: --right next to the Arby's and the strip mall. NEPHLITE: How's he going to memorize the directions? Does he have a paper and pencil ready? >Don't even think about ambushing us, becuase we have a beam cannon >pointed right at your Gundams, and we won't hesitate to fire. ZOISITE: We've got Akira Yuzuriha, and we're not afraid to use her! >See you tonight. MALACHITE: Say... this is a different side of Evil Heero. JADEITE: I think he's been watching too many Divine and RuPaul movies. > >-Evil Heero > >"Damn!" He whispered, "there is no way in hell that I am going to >team up with them. ZOISITE: Vegeta said that just a few scenes ago. Strange, huh? >But, what should I do about Relena? Risk my life and save her, or >just leave her?" NEPHLITE: Heero Yuy, YOU make the call! > >He cursed silently, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, it hit him. JADEITE: Like a load of bricks. NEPHLITE: [Heero] The band, Duo, the band! > >"It's my duty to keep my promises. I promised Relena I would kill her. [Malachite starts laughing.] >She dies at MY hand only, not some duplicate of me." [Malachite continues to laugh.] ZOISITE: Some days, it seems Gundam Wing is all about dysfunctional relationships... > >He set off to the fortress, leaving the note behind. He walked two miles North, >then he turned West. NEPHLITE: It's like a text game circa 1985. JADEITE: These days, I get lost in the 3D environments. [Malachite stops laughing.] >He saw the Mountain ahead of him. He ran quickly, his heart beating fast. He >approached the Mountain, looking around. NEPHLITE: Nice small mountain. >He noticed a small steel door. MALACHITE: They're in the middle of nowhere. I guess they can afford to keep their door unlocked. ZOISITE: Where is this happening, Perth? >He tucked his gun in his pocket, and his flashlight strapped to his belt. JADEITE: Heero is what they call a *bad* cop. >He limbed up the slope. > >"There has to be another way into this place," ZOISITE: Just wondering... how far is it to the steel door? NEPHLITE: Forget it. There's no continuity here. >Heero said quietly to himself, "entering through that door is too obvious, >they're expecting me to enter there." NEPHLITE: I suggest the Ryoga method--make your own door. > >He hit the ground gently with his fist, MALACHITE: [Heero] Bakusai tenketsu! [Nephlite just groans.] >searching for any opening that was hidden. He suddenly heard a clink! >as his fist hit steel. He ripped off the layer of soil and grass JADEITE: --and very expensive astroturf. MALACHITE: It's about as good as the sets on "Lost Horizon." >to discover a small vent. He opened it and looked in. Dark, too dark to see. ZOISITE: Is it getting dark, too dark to see? JADEITE: He feels like he's knocking on heaven's door. >He took out his flashlight and turned it on, looking into the vent. He crawled >in, slouching so he wouldn't hit his head. MALACHITE: He should really look up. That way, he'd see the giant sewer rat going after him. >He crawled through the vents as quietly as possible. He stopped as the vent >had an opening. He peeked down at a small vacant room. JADEITE: I was hoping the evil pilots would be ready for him. NEPHLITE: [Heero] Down there I see Captain Nemo and Electra... MALACHITE: [same] ...Ronald *and* Nancy Reagan... >He jumped out of the vent, landing gracefully on the floor. JADEITE: Trowa taught him that trick. >He walked up to the door, opening it slowly. He looked out into the hallway. ZOISITE: You see a corridor running north-south. It is seven feet wide, and there's a trap at the north end... wait a minute... >It was dimly lit and silent. He closed the door behind him and walked down >the hallway. Which room was Relena in? NEPHLITE: Well, if you see a room with padded walls... JADEITE: I thought she'd be in the Jungle Room. >There were doors on both sides of him. Which door? MALACHITE: Did she go that-a-way? >He walked quietly, his eyes closed. He listened intently for any noise. ZOISITE: A noise like Lisa Ortiz getting attacked by Marvin the Martian. >He stopped once he heard the sound of a fist hitting flesh. MALACHITE: His listening skills must be really good. ZOISITE: I was hoping for Lisa Ortiz. >The door from a nearby room opened. Heero ran off, hiding around the corner. >What's going on? NEPHLITE: As far as I can tell, you're trying to infiltrate a base. Is it that difficult? >Suddenly, three yound men walked out, slamming the door behind them. Evil >Trowa, Duo, and Heero. JADEITE: George, Ringo, and Paul. NEPHLITE: Lantis, Ascot, and Ferio. MALACHITE: Anthony Perkins, Marlon Brando, and Richard Burton. > >"Well, she's obviously not talking," Duo muttered. JADEITE: [Duo] Maybe I shouldn't have stuffed her mouth with cottonballs. >"We better finish her off," ALL: No comment. >Evil Trowa said, "Heero isn't coming." > >"Yes he is," Evil Heero said, crossing his arms, "I know how he thinks. ZOISITE: [Evil Heero] He thinks toilets are supposed to run clockwise! MALACHITE: I can never keep the hemispheres and directions in order. >He isn't just going to come right in, he's probably going to sneak in. If we >find him snooping, we'll just kill both him and that worthless female." NEPHLITE: Relena isn't worthless. She has a level three Blaze spell. > >Evil Heero locked the door he exited out of earlier, and beckoned Trowa and >Duo to follow him down the hall. ALL: I follow him! >Heero waited until he couldn't even hear their footsteps until he walked towards >the soor they left. He grabbed the handle and turned it, JADEITE: Wait... how can you turn a soor? I thought they were made of steel pipes and ran underneath cities. MALACHITE: I always thought the soor was a type of pig. >but the door wouldn't open. He grabbed the handle and turned as hard as he could, >but to no advail. NEPHLITE: It's not that difficult. Just USE KEY 1, the one you found in the dead man's cloak room. >Impatient, Heero took out his gun and aimed it at the lock, firing it quickly, >breaking the lock. NEPHLITE: Very good. I see he learned something from Ace Harding. ZOISITE: It was a better plan than bringing a kender along. > >"What was that?" Duo asked. > >"He's here," Trowa said, grabbing his gun. JADEITE: Everybody run... the angsty queen's got a gun... ZOISITE: Bakayarou. > >Heero opened the door, the room was dark. He took out his flashlight MALACHITE: That could've been useful earlier. Maybe he was just short on batteries... >and shinned it into the room. Noticing the light switch, he flicked it on. NEPHLITE: Or is that the garbage disposal? JADEITE: Dark. Definitely dark. >He shielded his eyes as the lights came on. He looked around, spotting Relena. >She was in the corner, curled up in a little ball. ZOISITE: I usually take my Relena sushi-style. >Her face was slightly bruised. > >"What the hell did they do to you?" He whispered softly. MALACHITE: [Heero whispering] Relena, what the hell did you do to your hair? >He approached Relena slowly. Her eyes snapped open and she stood up quickly. ZOISITE: She is... [beat] REVIVED! > >"Stay away from me!" She screamed. > >Heero walked closer, his gun still in hand. JADEITE: Friends don't do this to friends. ZOISITE: Unless you're Heero's friend. >He aimed it at her, his eyes burning with intensity. Teary-eyed, Relena stood >there, her eyes furious. MALACHITE: At least *her* eyes aren't impassive. > >"Go ahead and shoot me," She said, "Go right ahead!" JADEITE: [Relena] Go ahead. Make my day. NEPHLITE: Relena IS Ronald Reagan! >Heero put his hand on the trigger. They stood there, facing each other for >several minutes, which seemed like hours to both of them. MALACHITE: [Heero] So... ZOISITE: [Relena] So... >Heero paused, noticing her eyes. They were desperate and tortured. JADEITE: Ha, I get it. Witty. >Heero remembered one time when he had the chance to kill her at the school party, >but he couldn't do it. NEPHLITE: He knew the series would drag out for a while. >No, he thought sternly, No! I am finishing her this time! > >"Can't do it, can you?" she demanded, "You can hit me, but you can't shoot me?!" ZOISITE: Shoot me shoot you! NEPHLITE: Can I shoot Tomoyo? She's almost as annoying as certain fan-- MALACHITE: Let's leave our little bitterness aside for now, OK? > >Heero dropped the gun, his shoulders slouching. MALACHITE: He's got the angst down. All he needs is good posture. >He walked up to her, she only stared. He held his hand out. JADEITE: [singing] Take my hand, I'll lead you to the promised land... > >"We have to get out of here," he said softly, "They know I'm here." > >"Who?" she demanded. NEPHLITE: The generic government conspiracy. JADEITE: The copyright lawyers. MALACHITE: Gensuke, Akira, and Serena Tsukino. > >"Relena, it's me, Heero," he said, "you have to trust me. The one who hit you, >that guy wasn't me, he's a duplicate." ZOISITE: Actually, he's a doppelganger. Big difference. JADEITE: Really? > >Relena stared at him, her eyes cold. She looked at his eyes. They weren't cold >like the ones that were staring right through her when he kidnapped her and hit her. MALACHITE: Instead, they were... ALL: Impassive! >They were intense and determined, just like the real Heero. > >"Heero!" She cried. ZOISITE: Tiffany! Kirstin! NEPHLITE: *Wilma!!* >He took her hand and began to run. > >"Over here!" He heard a voice. MALACHITE: Yeah. That's your Unknown Informant who's about to betray you. Or shoot you. > >He and Relena began to run down the hallway, Trowa following. ZOISITE: Which Trowa? The silent, brooding, enigmatic one or the silent, brooding, enigmatic, evil one? > >"Stop running!" JADEITE: Man, these people are pushy. > >He began to shoot at them, missing them by millimeters. ZOISITE: I assume that's Evil Trowa shooting. The good Trowa doesn't know about all this. MALACHITE: And being Australian, he knows how bad a millimeter-miss is. > >"Faster!" Heero yelled. Relena ran as fast as she could. NEPHLITE: Remember, catch is if catch can. > >"Over here," Heero noticed the opened vent he jumped down from earlier. He picked >up Relena and ZOISITE: --took her to the movie theater. The only thing playing? "Robot Monster." >helped her into the vent, with him following. Evil Duo noticed Heero's legs NEPHLITE: He takes good care of them. ZOISITE: Oh, how sick. I can't look. >and began to shoot at the vent. > >"Hurry!" Heero yelled. Relena crawled faster, screaming as bullets zipped by her, JADEITE: You're just making yourself a more obvious target. >the bullets bearly missing both of them. > >Heero noticed a ray of light as they neared the opening. MALACHITE: [Heero] A techno Madonna album... the hell? > >~~~~~~~ "Heero?" MALACHITE: Nice transition. NEPHLITE: Recca-kun? Chacha-san! Sana-chan! Zomulgustar-sama... >Duo opened the door to the room Heero and Relena shared. The room was empty. ZOISITE: They should've at least left a breath mint. > >"Where did that rascal go now?" JADEITE: He went on a cheap, exploitative early '60s TV show. Wait, what rascal was that? >He looked around, noticing a piece of paper on the bed, he read it. NEPHLITE: [Duo] "Samurai X" delayed yet again? Damn! JADEITE: [same] Hey, this is my doctoral thesis! > >"Oh my God," he whispered. He ran into the hall, "Quatre, Wufei, Trowa! >Wake up! We have to save Heero and Relena!" MALACHITE: Wake them up when something creative happens. ZOISITE: Let's go, Gekiganger! > >~~~~~~~ > >Relena climbed out into the opening, Heero following. They looked around, noticing >they were JADEITE: --hopelessly lost in the swamp of fire. >on a small bridge. The room was huge and dimly lit. Heero gasped as he saw the >three Gundams in place. NEPHLITE: --and a table set for five. ZOISITE: That's it. My life will not be complete until I've seen a fic in which the Gundams chow down. > >"I'm guessing you went the wrong way?" Evil Trowa laughed and shot at them, MALACHITE: Shoot, *then* laugh. Didn't he learn anything from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"? >Heero grabbed Relena around the waist and jumped off the bridge. They were falling >head-first. ZOISITE: First, make sure the bungee cord is attached to something. Second, make sure it is not attached to your fender. >Heero took out a small gun-like object, and shot it one of the Gundams, a sharp, >pointy object attached to a string shot out, hitting the Gundam. JADEITE: Good save. MALACHITE: He borrowed that gun from Narutaki. > >They quickly came to a stop, about fifty feet from the floor. Heero's one hand was >holding on to the gun, his other hand around Relena, to keep her from falling. He >pressed a button, NEPHLITE: Press the button, Heero. JADEITE: If he gets to do that enough, he'll get to have a recurring line. >and they slowly began to rise towards the cock-pit of the Gundam. > >"I don't think so!" MALACHITE: [dim] I don't think much. >Evil Duo shot a bullet at the cable above them, ripping it. Relena screamed as they >fell to the floor below. Heero searched for something to grab, but all was out >of reach. ZOISITE: This is no time to grab people's bodies, young man. >They hit the floor with incredible force. Pain shot through Heero's body, Relena was >also hurting, but she seemed to be in better condition. NEPHLITE: So he's Critically Wounded, and she's just Stunned. >He realized he some what broke her fall. He struggled to his feet, as did Relena. >Relena screamed ZOISITE: Again? MALACHITE: Yes, again. >as she saw Evil Heero standing a few feet from them, his gun pointed at them. > >"Nice try," he smirked. JADEITE: Nice acting. > >~~~~~~~ > >"The directions says two miles north and then you turn West!" NEPHLITE: No, that's the route to the Wal-Mart. MALACHITE: [Jerry Gourd] Can we stop at Mr. Slushee? >Duo yelled to Goku. Goku was flying at top speed, carrying Duo. Vegeta was carrying >Wufei, Trunks was carrying Trowa, and Gohan (Goku's first son) carried Quatre. JADEITE: This is all very important. NEPHLITE: Look at that... the personalities match! > >"Wow! This is incredible! It must be fun to fly like this everyday!" ZOISITE: Only when you get frequent flier miles. Otherwise, it's just crappy. >Quatre cried, the wind blowing his hair back. > >"Yes, it's a great gift," Gohan smiled. NEPHLITE: [Gohan] In fact, we got it at Macy's. > >They flied faster. > >~~~~~~~ > > >"I gave you a chance, Heero. I did," Evil Heero yelled, "but being the >soft-hearted fool that female transformed you into JADEITE: I won't ask how *he* got his own transformation sequence. MALACHITE: He was a fool. He fell in love. >is going to end right here!" > >He pointed the gun at Heero, but quickly turned his aim at Relena. ZOISITE: Right, just bully the weak. You're setting a bad example for villains everywhere. > >"You were a true soldier before you met HER," Evil Heero sneered, JADEITE: She persuaded him to get out of 'Nam. That earned him a dishonorable discharge. >"your duty is to eliminate anyone or anything that gets in your way! >You've had plenty of chances to kill her, you just can't do it!" MALACHITE: Think about it. If they settled this matter, the TV series would end abruptly. NEPHLITE: It's the same principle that dragged out the first Sailor Moon season. > >Without warning, he fired at Relena. Relena screamed in terror. >Without warning, Heero pushed her out of the way quickly. JADEITE: He did it in 1.2 seconds. Ain't bad. >Relena hit the ground. She gasped as she spotted blood on her. She >screamed ZOISITE: Do we need *another* Brando impression? >when she realized it wasn't even her's. She looked at Heero, who was >clutching his stomach. NEPHLITE: Heero really shouldn't eat at Taco Bell. JADEITE: That's it. I need to construct a Nega-Bell restaurant. >Blood gushed out of the bullet wound. > >"Heero!" She screamed, she turned to Evil Heero, "You bastard!" MALACHITE: [Evil Heero] My father was Paul Hogan, and my mother was RuPaul. > >He only laughed, "Want to join him?" ZOISITE: Please do. We can help you. > >He pointed the gun at Relena. Heero struggled to get up. He stood in >front of Relena. MALACHITE: All so he can make another "I'm the one who should kill her" speech. NEPHLITE: It's like Ranma gone terribly wrong. > >"What the hell are you doing? Get out of the way!" Evil Heero yelled. >The words Heero said surprised both Evil Heero, Relena, and above >all: himself. JADEITE: He *finally* remembered the script. NEPHLITE: I like a few surprises in my scripting. > >"I'm NOT moving." > >"What?!" He yelled, "what the hell is wrong with you! ZOISITE: Wanna list? >Maybe another bullet will change your mind." > >He shot Heero again, he doubled over in pain. MALACHITE: Maybe it didn't change his mind. Either way, he'll have to change his clothes. ZOISITE: I think Heero's faking it. That'll give him the advantage of surprise. >He looked Evil Heero in the eye, he coughed up blood. He fell to the floor. JADEITE: Duh, down he goes. > >"Good to see you're using your head again," he smiled. > >Heero reached down to his sneakers, pulling out a small gun quickly. NEPHLITE: Doctor J found a new way to put some spring in Heero's step. ZOISITE: Guns are fun! > >"Go to hell!" he shot the gun out of Evil Heero's hand. He climbed to >his feet and shot Evil Heero to the ground, JADEITE: [Evil Heero singing] I've been shot down, I've been kicked around... NEPHLITE: So what else will he do this evening? >he placed the gun against his temple. > >"Do me a favor. When you go to hell, stay there MALACHITE: Real estate down here is *so* expensive. ZOISITE: The dialogue is even better than Cowboy Bebop. >so I won't have to go through killing you again," Heero said coldly, >firing. Evil Heero's eyes clouded, a pool of blood surrounded his head. ZOISITE: [Evil Heero] I suppose this is a bad time to say "It wasn't my fault"? > >"Heero!" Evil Trowa ran at Heero with a knife. MALACHITE: When did he get here? And when did he learn to shout out his victim's name? JADEITE: Amateur villain school. I went there for a few years. >Heero dodged him and kicked him to the ground, the pain in his stomach >was suddenly too much, NEPHLITE: Bullets and worchestershire sauce do not mix. ZOISITE: That was dark... >Heero grabbed his stomach and collapsed. Trowa jumped on him and slashed >his knife at Heero's throat, Heero grabbed Trowa's knife, pushing it away >from his throat, but the loss of blood began to weaken him. Suddenly, a >shot rang out JADEITE: A woman screamed! A pirate ship appeared on the horizon! MALACHITE: And *someone* passed amateur villain school. >and Trowa slumped to the ground. Heero looked up, seeing Relena with his >gun in her hand. NEPHLITE: She's getting to be a lot like Bulma. Scary... > >"Relena..." ZOISITE: Kirsten! Tiffany! MALACHITE: Tenchi! Tenchi! Ten-chi! JADEITE: And a lot of exclamation points. >Relena dropped the gun and ran to his side. She lifted his tank top, ZOISITE: Whoops... forgot. We need more fanservice here. >observing the bullet wounds. She placed her hand over the wound, applying >pressure. Heero whinced. MALACHITE: [Heero] You're not as good a nurse as Rei Ayanami... > >"Why did you save me?" she asked. > >"I don't know," he coughed. ZOISITE: Why not? It keeps the plot going. > >"Hang in there..." she whispered. > >"Not like this," he whispered bitterly, "not like this..." JADEITE: Instead, like this: BAM, WHACK, POW! MALACHITE: Melodrama... who needs it? > >"Don't say that," Relena said softly. > >"What's wrong with me? ZOISITE: Forget it. I won't tell him. >Why am I saving a girl I'm supposed to destroy...?" Heero puked >up blood. NEPHLITE: That's Darien's recurring bit, you twit. MALACHITE: If he were Darien, he'd be stuck in Goku's house, doing nothing. > >Relena shook her head, "I don't know." > >Heero noticed the tears and wiped them away gently. "Tears are useless." JADEITE: And as we all know, tears are a sign of sadness. When someone is sad, they cry tears. Even the great Akira Yuzuriha cries. The awesome Akira displays her emotion through tears. > >Relena said nothing, she only looked away. He's losing a lot of blood, >she thought, biting her lip. NEPHLITE: Perhaps she could do the Master of Mosquiton bit. JADEITE: I can only guess... > >"Aw, would you look at this kodack moment?" ZOISITE: Kodack? I think he experienced recognition with Dewshine. NEPHLITE: Guess who's here to take pictures... David Hamilton and Jock Sturges! > >Relena looked up, noticing evil Duo. He grinned, "you know, it's a >shame he has to die, MALACHITE: Even Evil Duo gets to be silly and happy. >but you can die with him," he pointed his gun at her. Suddenly, a >ki blast went through Duo's chest, exiting out of his back. ZOISITE: Ha... now there's *two* of Duo! [The others groan.] > >He fell to the ground, blood flying from his mouth. JADEITE: Surely they can bleed on other places besides the mouth. MALACHITE: It's a genre thing. You wouldn't understand. >An explosion occured, four warriors flew in. She gasped when she >recognized them. Piccolo NEPHLITE: --making his long-awaited return! >flew over to Duo's corpse, making sure he was gone. MALACHITE: That's a good way to put it. ZOISITE: Evil Duo shall be no more. He is kaput. He's kicked the bucket. His existence on this temporal plain has ended. He shall sleep no more. He's an ex-Duo! > >"Heero?!" Duo ran over, shaking him gently, "Buddy, speak to me!" JADEITE: Sure, just shake him. Make sure you twist his spine a lot. > >Heero said nothing. > >Trunks flew over, "He's lost too much blood," he said. ZOISITE: Thank you, Dr. Exposition. Could you get a part-time job in Transformation Sequence? You'd be rather helpful there. >He reached into a bag, he cursed. > >"What?" Relena asked. NEPHLITE: Nothing, just a Saiyan swear word. It wouldn't make sense to anyone else. ZOISITE: [Relena] What's a "monkey tail cutter"? > >"We have no senzu beans!" He cried. MALACHITE: Nor do we have bananas! > >Goku hovered over, "Oh no." > >Gohan checked him, "He doesn't have enough blood to function..." JADEITE: Basically, he can't do trigonometry. MALACHITE: Only Nephlite even remembers how to do that. > >Heero gasped for air. Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei stood nearby, watching >in disbelief. > >"He is an honorable soldier," Wufei observed. ZOISITE: [Wufei] Not that I, the great Wufei, care for peons such as he. JADEITE: Don't say that! NEPHLITE: Wufei in Transformation Sequence? Hmmm.... > >Heero looked out of the hole the Siaya-Jin and Namek made in the wall, >he saw the stars. He smiled softly. NEPHLITE: [evil] Do you see the stars, Mewtwo? >Not a bad sight for one to see before they die... > >"Do me a favor," Heero said to Duo, JADEITE: [Heero] Bury me next to Jimmy Hoffa. ZOISITE: No, that can't be! Hoffa has not been conclusively proven dead. >"Keep fighting for the colonies, and Relena..." > >Relena swallowed hard. MALACHITE: Was this a good scene to bring along chewing gum? > >"Lead a good life," Heero said softly to Relena. He closed his eyes >and went limp. The wind howled through the hole, blowing across Heero's >corpse, his hair ruffled. JADEITE: His hair turned to potato chips. NEPHLITE: This is so non-serious. > >"No, this can't be," Relena choked. > >"D-ditto," Duo gasped. ZOISITE: Ditto and Duplica? Now *that's* how the evil clones came into existence! > >"Heero..." Trowa whispered. JADEITE: Cabot! CABOT! MALACHITE: Chief? McCloud! ZOISITE: Mamo-chan... > >Goku stared, depressed. > >Duo stood up, his braided hair swung to his side. "NOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed NEPHLITE: To be honest, I was waiting for that. MALACHITE: It isn't really Gundam Wing until Duo flips out and screams. >at the top of his lungs. > >More to come....stay tuned.... > > > > ZOISITE: Several months later, Bandai finally decides how to show Endless Waltz... NEPHLITE: You're getting bitter, Zoisite. I was there once. ZOISITE: What was it like? NEPHLITE: Dark and forbidding. [beat] Of course, I've still retained my evil character. But I'm not bitter any more. [pause] MALACHITE: And now... chapter six. NEPHLITE: Just what I wanted to hear. > > > > > > >Browse Categories ZOISITE: These categories need their space, y'see... > > > > > Home » JustIn | Forum | Directory | Chat | Links | Help Desk > | Black List JADEITE: [singing] Your kiss, your kiss is on my black list... > > Stats: 44,114 fics, 12,264 authors > > > Random fic: Judy on duty by Space Ace MALACHITE: Ah yes. Don Bluth's works of the early '80s. JADEITE: Back in the days when I was innocent... >- PG - Poetries » Fanfiction Poetry > > > > A Cry For Help part 6 > Category: Anime » Dragon Ball Z Censor: PG13 ZOISITE: Which translates to a lot of tough-guy dialogue and stupid violence. NEPHLITE: Don't weep for the comic book industry. It'll kill itself long before the black helicopters arrive. >Reviews: 9 Download/Print: 6KB > Author: LaBeck > > >Later at the Sons House... MALACHITE: Akira was unpacking her Fushigi videos... ZOISITE: Serena Tsukino was jumping out the window, and trying to kill Molly. JADEITE: Gensuke was sleazing on Bulma, Chichi, Relena, and Duo. He's also about to die painfully. NEPHLITE: Heero Ikari was sitting in a room, doing nothing. > >"Here, I hope this cheers you up a little," Chi Chi placed a cup of hot cocoa >in front of the five Gundam Pilots, including Relena. JADEITE: I hope she can get her own Gundam. ZOISITE: Wait a second... didn't Heero just die? > >"I don't think anything can cheer me up at this point," Duo whispered. NEPHLITE: [Duo] I'm inconsolable, and I don't even have a paycheck. > >"Wars are deadly. People are killed in wars, that is what wars are. JADEITE: Oh, and tears are a sign of sadness. Did I mention that? Well, I'll mention it again. >Heero died as a soldier. I'm sure he wanted it that way," Wufei said softly. MALACHITE: [Wufei] Not that I, the great Wufei-- OTHERS: Shut up. > >Goku sat there puzzled, ashamed. ZOISITE: He does that well. NEPHLITE: [Ruri] Another fool... >He walked into the kitchen, Chi Chi following. > >"Goku, what's wrong?" Chi Chi asked softly. Goku covered his face with his hands. JADEITE: [Goku] He blew his mind out in a car! He didn't even notice that the light had changed!! > >"It's my fault he died," he choked, "If I didn't summon him and the others, MALACHITE: This could mean only one thing... ALL: A *summon*! MALACHITE: Thank you for not yelling at me. >he would still be alive." > >Chi Chi hugged her husband, "It's not your fault. NEPHLITE: How can she hug words? >You didn't know this would happen..." > >Goku clutched his fist, his hair turned blonde. ZOISITE: He'd better save that for the next boss. There's only so much MP to go around. >"If ONLY!" he screamed. > >"Goku calm down!" Chi Chi yelled. MALACHITE: Nice Goku... good Goku... JADEITE: Make him play fetch! > >"If we only still had the dragonballs we could wish him back!" Goku slammed his >fist onto the table, splitting it in two, NEPHLITE: Great. He just destroyed the ancient Peruvian furniture. >"Another victim of my carelessness!" > >Chi Chi frowned. Comforting her husband is futile, ZOISITE: I think he's inconsolable. MALACHITE: And he doesn't have a paycheck, either. >at least right now. Goku had asked Kami to destroy the dragonballs since so >many people filled with hatred would get their hands on it and use it for >foolish purposes. JADEITE: Previously on "Cry for Help"... MALACHITE: This is just the obligatory second-season "special guest" episode. > >"I'm sorry Goku..." Chi Chi said softly. Goku turned, "No, I am. I shouldn't >have yelled like that..." NEPHLITE: How should he have yelled? JADEITE: Maybe in a way that doesn't freak out the cat. >Goku and Chi Chi shared a tender embrace. > >Relena sipped her cocoa slowly, the tears still flowing. ZOISITE: [Relena] I... need... coffee! > >"Why did he save me?" she asked softly, "Why? Those bullets were meant for MALACHITE: --the hardware section at Wal-Mart. NEPHLITE: Wal-Mart. There's gotta be something funny about it. >me, not him..." > >Suddenly, Duo stood up, ZOISITE: He is [beat] *revived!!* >"Yeah, it's a shame he had to die." > >He suddenly smiled, pointing a gun at her. MALACHITE: That's nice, dear. Tea or gunpowder? > >"Duo...?" She asked. > >"Heh, you're going to die too." NEPHLITE: [Duo] Sorry I didn't mention this earlier. I was distracted. ZOISITE: Happy *and* homicidal? What a combination. > >"NOOO!!" > >"NO! Heero!" JADEITE: Great dialogue. [dim] Oh no, Mr. Gumby! NEPHLITE: Yes, Heero. No, Heero. Maybe, Heero. > >Relena awoke in a cold sweat. She looked around frantically, gasping for air. ZOISITE: Heero had the same scene a little while back. What's the chance of that happening? JADEITE: Getting better every time. > >"It was...a dream?" She looked around. She saw Heero lying down on >the couch, sleeping. MALACHITE: And presumably alive. > >"Heero!" Overwelmed, Relena ran to him and hugged him. NEPHLITE: [Heero] I can't breathe... I'm dying again... > >"What the-" Heero woke up, then screamed in pain. ZOISITE: Stop that. It's not funny any more. >Relena backed away. > >"Sorry...oh my god, you're alive!" She cried. MALACHITE: This might provoke some suspicion on the authorities' part. NEPHLITE: [Heero] The cold war was ending, so I... died. > >Heero raised an eyebrow. > >"What are you talking about?" He demanded. JADEITE: [Relena] Just talking about goldfish and the mafia. Just talking about the universe so far. > >"I was kidnapped and you saved me, then you saved my life, but you died >in the process!" > >Heero's face softened. ZOISITE: Obviously, the fabric softener helped a lot. MALACHITE: But is he still an honorable soldier, or is he now soft? > >"I get it now," he muttered. He lifted his shirt up, revealing his bandaged >stomach, blood seeping through. NEPHLITE: Should've used more hydrogen peroxide. > >"It really happened?" She asked, confused. JADEITE: I don't know. I *think* it happened. ZOISITE: Do you believe everything you see on TV? I know I do. > >"Yes, but after I pushed you out of the way, you passed out from the impact >of falling. Delayed reaction, I suppose. NEPHLITE: More like *cheap*! >The part about me dying was just a dream." > >Relena was silent for a while, thinking things over. ZOISITE: [Relena] Could you start over from "after I pushed you..."? JADEITE: D'oh! > >"So, you really did save me?" she asked. > >Heero looked away, ashamed. MALACHITE: For shame, Heero! For shame! > >"Who thought the Perfect Soldier like me JADEITE: You mean Dolph Lundgren? >would save a girl I'm supposed to kill..." he trailed off, looking at her. > >"Why did you save me?" She asked. MALACHITE: It was a slow afternoon. He needed something to do. NEPHLITE: Besides, his Soldier of Fortune magazine hadn't arrived yet. > >He said nothing, he looked out of the window, at the stars. ZOISITE: [Heero] Just think... all these stars were created for stock footage in Transformation Sequence. >Relena sat next to him. > >"Answer me, Heero," MALACHITE: Give a reason for life, Heero. >she said softly, "why did you save me?" > >Heero whinced in pain. JADEITE: Time for a bathroom break. NEPHLITE: [Heero, weak] My wound may be more grievous than previously thought... Tomorrow you shall find me a grave man. >"I did it because I didn't want him to kill you, if you are going to be >killed, you will be killed by my hand only," he said coldly. ZOISITE: Of course. That's your excuse. Uh-huh. JADEITE: Killing by his *hand*? Then he shouldn't use a gun. > >Relena smiled, "Liar." [Malachite laughs out loud.] > >"We're going back to our world tomorrow," Heero muttered, "but for safety >purposes, NEPHLITE: Keep those copyrights intact... >they will erase our memory of being here." > >"What? No!" Relena cried. ZOISITE: [Relena] I wanted to go to MacArthur park and bake a cake! MALACHITE: [same] I wanted to make the Gundams into a fluffy quiche! >"What's wrong with that? I don't want to remember saving you," Heero >said, his face impassive. JADEITE: That impassive thing is spreading all over his face. > >"Well, I do," Relena said. MALACHITE: Wait... since when are they going to forget what happened? > >Heero looked at her, annoyed. > >"Go to sleep, you're annoying me!" He snarled. NEPHLITE: She bugs *us*. Can she leave now? > >Relena chuckled, and began to walk back to her bed, but turned around. >"Oh, Heero? One more thing." JADEITE: [deep] Just one more thing, ma'am... MALACHITE: Baby, do it *one more time*! > >"What?" he asked. > >"We aren't going to remember any of this, right?" She asked. NEPHLITE: Apparently. Though we didn't know about this before. > >"Yeah, not one damn thing," he muttered. ZOISITE: What? Was there some special memory Heero wanted to take with him? > >She smiled, "Well, maybe I won't remember this, but I better enjoy it >while it lasts." JADEITE: I enjoyed this fanfic. NEPHLITE: It salves my evil soul. > >She walked over to him, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. Heero looked >at her, confused. ZOISITE: How typical. NEPHLITE: Women be different than men! >She placed her hand on his cheek, looking at him. > >"What are you doing?" He demanded, appalled. MALACHITE: What is she doing? Can I look now? > >She bent forward and kissed him. Emotions Heero never knew existed >rushed through his body. [Zoisite falls to the floor, laughing.] JADEITE: And I thought this only happened in slash stories. >Before he knew it, he was kissing her back. Suddenly, overwelmed, Heero >pushed her away violently. NEPHLITE: No matter what else happens, it all boils down to violence. MALACHITE: How sophisticated and mature. >"What the hell was that all about?!" He yelled. Relena chuckled, "I just >wanted to thank you, for saving my life." JADEITE: [singing] Thank you... for giving to the fic... mine was a life that was changed... > >Heero scowled at her. Relena couldn't help but laugh. [Zoisite gets back in her seat.] ZOISITE: Sorry about that. It was funny. >He liked it, she knew he did. > >"You just don't want to ruin your reputation as a perfect soldier!" MALACHITE: He *is* one of the Intensified Luck Soldiers. He doesn't want to fail Folken. >She giggled. > >"No, that's not it. Relena, that was completely uncalled for!" Heero >looked away. NEPHLITE: No, it was called for. Genre obligations. ZOISITE: Darn genres. They're so constricting. > >"If you thought it was uncalled for, then why did you kiss me back?" >Relena asked, smirking. JADEITE: [singing] When I finally kissed you, you walked out of the room... sssshhh! > >Heero turned a bright red and turned away from her, closing his eyes. NEPHLITE: [Heero] I'm not in this scene. I am happy and euphoric. MALACHITE: Denial is always the best option. > >"I'll kill you for that," he whispered. JADEITE: Then again, he'd also kill for a copy of Chrono Cross. Go figure. > >Relena laid down and closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep again. >Heero laid there, awake. His stomach burned and throbbed from the bullet wound. MALACHITE: At least his stomach isn't impassive. > >"Why did I save her?" He asked himself softly, "and when she kissed me, >why did I actually like it...?" ZOISITE: He built up a tolerance. MALACHITE: He prepared himself by watching several episodes of Kodomo no Omocha. > >He looked over at a sleeping Relena. He rolled over on his side, closing >his eyes. Oh well, I won't remember any of this, NEPHLITE: [Heero] Remember, we won't always have Paris. >and neither will she. Once we get back, I'll kill her, JADEITE: "Kill" in the romantic sense, of course. ZOISITE: We knew he was planning this all along. >he thought. Drifting off to sleep.... > >The next day... MALACHITE: On the eve of revolution... > >"Thank you again for your help," Goku said, smiling, ZOISITE: Basically, Cry for Help boils down to fight scenes, smiling, and thank-yous. NEPHLITE: And needless repetition. >then turned to Heero. > >"I apologize for not having anymore senzu beans NEPHLITE: Because they don't carry senzu beans at Wal-Mart. >to heal your wounds," he said. > >Heero said nothing, ALL: Of course. >suddenly, he felt something wash over his mind, next thing he knew, >he was in his room again. MALACHITE: That wasn't wise. Zaibach is still attacking. JADEITE: However, he can now make peanut butter sandwiches. >"Huh? What happened?" He wondered. He looked around, confused. He >whinced in pain. JADEITE: [Heero] Mother always told me crossovers would hurt... >He lifted his shirt, gasping when he saw his bandaged stomach. > >"What happened to me?" ZOISITE: Don't ask. NEPHLITE: What's happening to *us*? Where's the love? >He whispered. he shrugged it off, and walked to his computer. JADEITE: He's wondering what's happening at Toasty Frog. ZOISITE: Oh, aren't we all. Ha. > >"I'll just hack into some OZ military bases, NEPHLITE: That should take care of the afternoon... at least until "Cosby Show." >and destroy them with Wing Zero," he said to himself, "and finish >off Relena." ALL: Lame! MALACHITE: Some people never learn. Heero takes that principle two steps further. > > Review Story ( be a responsible reader and write a review) JADEITE: Hmmm... I'll just say it was a story. It was about some Gundam pilots and evil clones and super-powered fighters. The other stuff was confusing. MALACHITE: The author definitely captured the "campy" feel of Gundam Wing. I think she has a bright future ahead in Clamp fics. ZOISITE: Unlike certain stories, it actually had an ending. If the ending had been in the first chapter, I would have liked it better. NEPHLITE: I don't need to be a responsible reader. > Title: > A Cry For Help part 6 > Name: > > Email: > (optional) > Review: JADEITE: You already know what we think. Now it's your turn. > > > > > > > Home | About Us | >Awards | Nonprofit Status | Disclaimer NEPHLITE: Warning--this site is not protected by the CBLDF. MALACHITE: Like that makes any difference! > | Site Statistics > > > > > > JADEITE: Anyway... I think we can go now. ZOISITE: Right. What-ever. [They leave the theater.] -- NEXT TIME: At last, Transformation Sequence 4. In it, Amy gets to play God. Jadeite uses the "Fist of the North Star" attack. We learn a lot about school clubs. We hear a lot of Clamp- style dialogue. We get an opinion on Hitoshi Doi. In short, it's crap. Read it now!! If I get a little more time and energy, I might add on a second host segment. After all, don't we all want to see more of Mini-Queen? -Alan (rarely known as Gekiganwing) August 10, 2000 e-mail: gekiganwing@lycos.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-2000 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, Dic, Buena Vista, Mixx/Tokyopop, Pioneer, Cloverway, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. "Gundam Wing" is copyright 1996-2000 Bandai, Sunrise, Sotsu Agency, and TV Asahi. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >"Shut up," Vegeta muttered.