--Alan -- Sorry, fanboy. This ain't meant for you. ######################################## MST: Evangelion Wing, beta episode Nega-Hell 20.1 An Eva/Gundam Wing fusion Original by Demon-God Entity Treatment by Alan ######################################## [Note: this was posted to the FFML as an "idea." A revision of the story may be posted later. I received permission to MST it in its present form.] "AAARRRGH!" Jadeite screamed, trying to get the attention of the audience. Shortly after screaming, he stood up and kicked his computer--right in the floppy disk drive. "That's not wise, y'know," Malachite said calmly. He walked in Jadeite's direction and told him, "There's a few basic rules about computers. One: never shoot them. Two: never douse them in Lysol. Three: without professional training, never throw them. Four..." Malachite slowly trailed off as Jadeite pointed to the screen. "I know that," he said, trying to remain calm, "but it's posessed! The devil has access to my PC!" "Now that's something you don't hear often, even in technical services," replied Malachite. He looked at the PC's screen. "Hmmm... seems like you've installed Microsoft Office 2000." Jadeite just stared at him. "That's what I was saying! It's the devil!" Without any comment, Malachite rolled his eyes. "Oh, we're just so witty today." This provoked Jadeite to laugh quietly. "Where would we be today without Microsoft jokes?" he wondered. *** "Hello there, enemies of the people," Beryl told her unwitting servants, "I bet you're having a lot of fun dealing with email flames lately." Curious, Jadeite looked at her. "What email flames? We've received a total of two letters in six months." "Besides," Nephlite whispered, "I doubt that *we* have been here for six months." He grumbled at the lack of continuity. Laughing quietly, Beryl sneered at the generals. "You are so pathetic," she told them, "If you posted anything on Sailor Moon Worst of Web, you'd be exiled from the anime community." Nephlite continued to grumble. "Not like it matters to me," he said. Beryl saw his needless whining and told him, "Oh, don't worry. You'll get what's coming to you. In fact..." As she paused, the generals simulaneously gasped. "I've got a new fic today," the queen said. "Sounds interesting," Malachite replied, "Should we ask what it's about? Or would it be best to just watch?" The queen laughed bitterly. "I'd take the second option if I were you," she said. Malachite thought about this for a second. "I'll make that my final answer," he said, raising his hand. None of them laughed. Well, to be sure, Beryl laughed at them. But that was only when the generals were walking through the theater doors. -- The nigh-invulnerable door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The four enter the small theater. The seating order, for every fanboy and girl, is: Jadeite, Malachite, Nephlite, and Zoisite.] > > >Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 21:31:28 GMT MALACHITE: Does that stand for Gundam T? >From: "Demon-God Entity" JADEITE: It's a fellow evil-doer. NEPHLITE: This was written by Ifurita. I'm impressed. > Add to Address Book Add To >Spam Block List JADEITE: I've put at least twenty people on *my* spam block list... >Subject: [FFML] [Fanfic][Idea][GW/NGE]Evangelion Wing ZOISITE: It's been done. Yesterday's news. JADEITE: The best crossovers are the really unlikely ones. >To: ffml@fanfic.com > > >---------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------- NEPHLITE: All the best rides have long lines. Some of the worst rides have even longer lines. > > >This is an idea have had in my head ever since >watching Gundam Wing. JADEITE: [singing] Young Gundam, get out of my mind! Your love for me is way out of line... >The Gundam pilots are actually the same age as the >EVA pilots, 14, MALACHITE: Isn't that the age of accountability? ZOISITE: No, it's the age of marketability. >so they'd all fit in pretty well. I'm just trying out >Heero for now. NEPHLITE: Testing prototype "Heero." Will it succeed in regional markets? MALACHITE: [Eva-01] I don't know him. Go away! >If anybody'd like to continue this, please do! I'm rather >slow at writing anyways. JADEITE: Our author's even worse. Wanna compare schedules? >Comments welcomed. > >====================================================== >======= > >Gundam Wing/Neon Genesis Evangelion >Evangelion Wing ZOISITE: I'm waiting for a crossover with either of those and Nadesico. Unfortunately, it probably wouldn't work... > >Episode 1: The Beast NEPHLITE: Nice creative title. JADEITE: No, it's the evidence of Microsoft! [The others don't bother to groan.] > >======================================================== >===== > > The narrow pathway stretched across the gigantic hall >of metallic struction. MALACHITE: Metallic struction... sounds like a European hardcore band. >A strange pinkish water was below him like a dead sea. It >reminded him of ZOISITE: --pickles! JADEITE: [man] I have to remember... stay away from the yellow snow. >Antartica. As he was escorted by two good looking women, one >a blonde scientist and the other a spunky captain, [Malachite laughs.] NEPHLITE: It's the mecha doctor from Battle Angel and Yurika Misumaru. >he noticed a monstrous purple machine standing in the odd >liquid. ZOISITE: [Eva-01] Help, I'm drowning in sludge! >The machine had a humanoid figure from what he could tell of its >upper torso MALACHITE: They gave it a makeover. >and was no doubt the Evangelion as described by his superiors. >Behind the synthetic lifeform, JADEITE: Hidden behind the gamemaster's screen... NEPHLITE: Misato, you get a +1 on initiative. Ritsuko, don't bother rolling. >high above the it, his father stood in an open corridor staring >down at him. ZOISITE: [Gendo] Now where did I put my contacts... > > He walked to the middle of the bridge with his arms >at his sides and his hands clenced in solid fists. MALACHITE: [man] I've got a lot of inner rage. >He himself wore a dark green tanktop and tight black shorts JADEITE: What *did* they do to Lara Croft? ZOISITE: Give it up, Jadeite. She wears a distinctly different outfit. Besides, the Lara fan club is rapidly disappearing. >that showed he was quite athletic. His brown bangs covered >most of his forehead, NEPHLITE: It's Veronica Lake! >hovering over his dull, emotionless eyes. MALACHITE: Better than "impassive." > > "It's been a while," his father, Gendo Ikari, said. > "Father," the young boy mumbled. JADEITE: [man] Can I *please* have the keys to the Jet Alone? > > Gendo grinned NEPHLITE: --and the world trembled in holy fear. >and ordered, "We're moving out." > "Moving out?!" Captain Misato Katsuragi yelled out. ZOISITE: [singing] Honey, if that's moving up then I'm moving out... > >"Unit 00's still in cryo-stasis, isn't it?" MALACHITE: I recognise that plot element from Crystalis. NEPHLITE: Be quiet, Malachite. Only a couple dozen people remember the original game, and the people who'll buy the remake are too young to read this story. >She paused to glance at the Evagelion and her eyes widened >when she came to a realization. "Wait a second... JADEITE: [Misato] Ritsuko, what the hell happened to your hair?! >You're going to use Unit 01?" ZOISITE: No, it's just going to sit there. MALACHITE: [Gendo] I'm gonna take it for a walk. > "There's no other way," Dr. Ritsuko Akagi said >grimly. > "Now wait...Rei can't do it yet, can she?" JADEITE: Is she legal? ZOISITE: [Gendo] No comment. >Misato asked. "We've got no pilot!" > "One's just been delivered," Ritsuko stated. NEPHLITE: The stork brought another bundle of joy. > Misato stared at her. "Are you serious?" MALACHITE: Really, now. Are we ever serious? > Ritsuko turned to the boy beside her who's head was >facing downward with his bangs covering his face. ZOISITE: He just can't face the camera. NEPHLITE: Who will be our pilot today? I wonder. I really wonder. >"Hiro Ikari..." [All groan.] > The boy still did not look up. > "You will pilot it." MALACHITE: [Heero] Mission... accepted. JADEITE: Do we know what personality he has? > He didn't say anything, but the Captain answered for >him. "But...even Rei Ayanami took seven months to >synchronize with her Eva." NEPHLITE: She was too busy looking disaffected and enigmatic. > "He just has to sit in the seat," Ritsuko replied. ZOISITE: At least the mecha doesn't have a bathtub inside it. [Nephlite and Jadeite stare at her.] MALACHITE: Are you still scarred from the Knights of Ramune OAVs? ZOISITE: Yes. Don't mention it. >"We don't expect more than that." > "But..." > "Repelling that Angel is our ultimate priority," JADEITE: Maybe you could use some bug spray... >Ritsuko persisted in a firm voice. "If putting someone who >has a chance of synchronizing into an Eva unit gives us >even the slightest chance, NEPHLITE: [C3P0] Sir, the odds of navigating the asteroid field are-- JADEITE: Don't tell me that. >then we have to do it. You do understand that, don't you, >Captain Katsuragi?" > Misato could no longer find any more reasons ZOISITE: Give a reason for life, Misato. >to protest. "I suppose..." > He kept his head down still. "Did you bring me here >for this, Father?" MALACHITE: [Gendo] Actually, I wanted to show you my collection of fish bait. >Heero asked in, his voice showing no emotion. JADEITE: Ahem... Impassive. NEPHLITE: I guess Heero still has his own personality. > His father, Gendo Ikari, nodded solemnly. "I called you because I have a need for you." MALACHITE: [Gendo] You'll be filling in for Shinji today. He called in sick. ZOISITE: If only it were that simple... > *He needs me,* Heero thought ironically. NEPHLITE: Now I'm confused. Is that Heero with the soul of Shinji? MALACHITE: In just a few paragraphs, this story has made Transformation Sequence look coherent. >He brought his head up after a moment, revealing the cold, >stoic face from before. "Mission accepted." JADEITE: Woo-hoo! NEPHLITE: Forget it. He's both of them at the same time. > >============================================================ > > He found himself ZOISITE: --relegated to the background. >inside the watery depths of the Evangelion, in the seat of the >pilot. Unit-01 was being brought up to the surface in order to JADEITE: --serve drinks and act as a waiter. >do battle. His lieutenant's voice, Misato Katsuragi, MALACHITE: Wait a moment... She was clearly identified as a captain in the last scene. ZOISITE: Forget it. If I wanted continuity, I'd just do my research. >came through the speaker as he reached ground level. "Heero, >when you get to the surface JADEITE: [Misato] --eliminate all targets. You have ten minutes. NEPHLITE: [Heero] Aaaaagh! Yurika, help me! >we'll walk you through one step at--hey! Are you listening to me?!" > Heero remained silent while he drove his Eva foward ZOISITE: --right over headquarters, and through the trailer lot. >with a trained smoothness and precision. The screen inside >the cockpit caught a heat signature MALACHITE: [squeaky] Kwee getcher autograph?? JADEITE: I was almost expecting the heat to be angel dung. >within its range and locked onto it. He ordered Unit-01 to >release the progressive knife NEPHLITE: --in accordance with the covenant, I, Sakura... >out of its shoulder blade and grab it with its hand. The Eva did >so quickly as it continued running in the process. JADEITE: There's a speed bump. Heero, roll for initiative. >The Angel --tall as Unit-01, humanoid, but with mutated >proportions-- ZOISITE: I can't understand why everyone is opposed to mutants. NEPHLITE: Because they represent obnoxious fanboys. It's that simple. >caught sight of Heero's Eva immediately after it passed a building >and walked into a wide empty street. Both charged at each other MALACHITE: Why is the city still up... Oh, forget it. JADEITE: This reminds me of the ending of "Duel in the Sun." >and attacked with the bloodlust of wolves in a way that >seemed almost natural instinct. ZOISITE: Nothing like those domesticated wolves. > Everyone in with NERV Headquarters gaped JADEITE: Stupid gapers. They'll hold up traffic for miles. >at the screen with the exception of Gendo and Futsuyuki. > "H-How can he move like that without any training?!" NEPHLITE: He's got more experience points. ZOISITE: No, he's got a bunch of plot devices. MALACHITE: He's the main character. He can do anything. >Misato exclaimed. "And the progressive knife isn't even >finished yet! It's only a pro-type! MALACHITE: Kinda like a Newtype. JADEITE: And no jokes about amateur types. >How the hell did he even know about it!?" ZOISITE: Hours and hours of online research. > Unit-01 and the Angel exchanged heavy blows, NEPHLITE: [Eva-01] I'll trade you a punch for a roundhouse kick. >throwing each other upon building and abandoned cars. > "Th-this can't be right!" Maya cried out. JADEITE: Like anyone's actually listening. ZOISITE: [Maya] I'm never wrong! I'm invincible! > Misato whipped her head to Maya. "What is it now!?" MALACHITE: [Misato] You got a problem with that?! > "His synchronization ratio is at 45% and rising!" >Shigeru answered for her. MALACHITE: Is that your *final* answer? JADEITE: Regis Philbin at NERV? Scary. > "That's impossible," Ritsuko muttered in disbelief >as she stared at the steadily increasing figures, "its >like he's controlling his synch himself! NEPHLITE: You'd almost think he was competent. >This is supposed to be his first time even being in an Eva!" ZOISITE: Back in the colonies, he played the Eva arcade game a lot... > Behind and above them, Gendo narrowed his eyes JADEITE: [Gendo] I'm gonna hurt someone... >while Fuyutsuki's was slightly wide. ZOISITE: [Fuyutski] Oro? > "The boy could not have possibly does this on his >on," Fuyutsuki commented. MALACHITE: He's got stagehands to help him. NEPHLITE: Was Heero the lone gunman? You be the judge! > Gendo nodded. "This was...unexpected." > "...SEELE perhaps?" Fuyutsuki questioned. NEPHLITE: Nah. It was Max Steele and the Robo Force. ZOISITE: Huh? > "Perhaps," he replied. > They turned their full attention back toward the >screen. MALACHITE: Maya changed the channel to Gekiganger-3. > The Angel grabbed a hold of the Eva's wrists in a >vice grip, twisting its knife out of its hand, JADEITE: [angel] Mustn't let anyone get hurt now! >and tried to shove it backwards. Unit-01 pushed back with a >larger amount of force ZOISITE: What sort of attack is that? NEPHLITE: Heero's using his battle aura for intimidation. >and had the Angel falling back a few steps. >The battle took turn for the worst JADEITE: Plob. >when the Angel decided it was time to press its secret >advantage. MALACHITE: It's got a Thirty Lives code. ZOISITE: [angel] Where'd I put my ancient artifact of enemy destruction? >It channeled a charge of AT field through its palms JADEITE: The angel is "humanoid," but how does it have hands? MALACHITE: [Bob the Tomato] Does anyone have hands here? >into the limbs of the Eva. Charge after charge, the spears of >the AT field rammed NEPHLITE: [angel] Commence *ramming speed*! >through the armor plating of Unit-01 while the Angel jerked >it around roughly. JADEITE: Like a dog on a chain. >The armor eventually cracked with a geyser of red liquid. MALACHITE: Today's fighting games are so sophisticated. NEPHLITE: Most people don't know how real blood acts. Fortunately, this doesn't apply to the Evas. > Misato winced as Hiro made muffled gurgling sound of >pain through the speaker, ZOISITE: [Heero] Duh, down I go. >but was surprised when the purple Eva instantly regeneratated >its forearms JADEITE: That's convenient. MALACHITE: It's the world's first Sanjiyan-Eva. >after breaking out of the Angel's grasp. "How did he do >that!?" JADEITE: Who was that masked Eva? > "Synch ratio at 70% and still rising!" Makoto >gasped. > Ritsuko remained silent, NEPHLITE: Silence... isn't that madness? ZOISITE: Nah, she knows better than to talk during a Gekiganger-3 episode. >but gritted her teeth in frustration. JADEITE: Just feel that angst. Serena Tsukino will be proud. >Not only could the boy use his AT field effectively and >battle the Angel with what seemed like years of experience, MALACHITE: He was toilet trained in an Eva. >but he was also doing all of this while fully conscious. >Hiro knew these skills by heart. ZOISITE: [Heero] I saw the TV series. I picked up the DVD. I know everything. > Unit-01 picked up the knife of the ground and stalked >toward the Angel. JADEITE: Anyone heard of a restraining order? >The Eva thrust the weapon forward, but >this time was met by flickering barrier. NEPHLITE: [Eric] Magic... shield! MALACHITE: I can't believe you watched that. I *can't* believe you watched that. >The knife slowly, but surely, eroded the AT field in moments >and went straight to the top of the Angel's torso ZOISITE: The not-so-subtle knife. >where a red orb lay. The began to crack after the third stab MALACHITE: They don't make red orbs like they used to. JADEITE: I broke at least three SNES controllers just by dropping them. >and it didn't look like it would last much longer. The Messenger >of God, Sachiel, ZOISITE: Mr. Sachiel, do you have a message for us? NEPHLITE: [Sachiel] Yes. Ahem... Kids, don't do drugs! >forsaw its death for it sprung forward and encircled itself >around Unit-01 NEPHLITE: [Sachiel] Group hug! >and self-destructed its core. A second later, >a massive column of extreme heat JADEITE: Extreme Heat... that was popular a year or two ago. But extreme sports are passe now. MALACHITE: That's a good thing. >and fire surrounded the Evangelion. It remained where it stood, >unwavering. There was no sign at all of the Angel. NEPHLITE: [Sachiel] Kilroy was here... > Inside the cockpit, Heero cackled endlessly like a mad >man ZOISITE: He's slipping again. Call the local asylum. MALACHITE: No, this is normal for Heero. ZOISITE: I dunno. It's normal for Dilandau, but... >along with his symbiot that screeched inhumanly at the sky >in unision. JADEITE: [screeching-singing] This is the story of a girl who cried something something tears and drowned the whole world... >The crew and staff shuddered as the hallow laughter >of victory echoed throughout the halls of the NERV. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] I knew I should've installed soundproof walls. ZOISITE: Is that Heero or Asuka? > "My God...it's a monster," JADEITE: It's a pocket monster. >Misato said a queasy voice. Despite the reference, she was >uncertain of whom she was describing. ZOISITE: Like I just said. >Everyone beside her felt the same way. MALACHITE: [Ritsuko] Do you ever feel that way, Gendo? NEPHLITE: [Gendo] No comment. > >============================================================ > > Snapping awake, he sat up in the bed. It looked like >he was in hospital room though none like he'd ever seen. JADEITE: Mental hospital and general hospital. Go figure. >The whole room was white with light coming in from the >light on the ceiling and through the windows to his left. MALACHITE: Hey, it's the Important Building from Transformation Sequence. ZOISITE: Or is it the hotel room from Cry for Help? I can't tell. >Heero guessed that the Angel did do more damage than he had >estimated it would. MALACHITE: [Heero] Power level 200... not bad. > Falling back on the pillow, he stared mindlessly at >the wall above him. JADEITE: It's a wall. NEPHLITE: I guess we needed some scene filler. > "The ceiling is unfamiliar." ZOISITE: --but not the couch! > >============================================================ > > An area of plain black JADEITE: You mean Glasgow? MALACHITE: No, it's Atlantic City. JADEITE: How about Auckland? That's where the All Blacks are. >with a blue octagon surrounded the chairmen of SEELE and the >commander of NERV. They sat in rainbow colored chairs, ZOISITE: Is that SEELE or the GLA? MALACHITE: You're not supposed to know about such organizations. ZOISITE: Aaack! I... I'm sorry! >most of them with amused expressions on their faces. Not >Gendo though. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] I'm laughing at you, not with you. > "So, the Angels have returned, eh?" JADEITE: They forgot to pick up their luggage. > "It's so sudden." > "It's the same it was fifteen years ago. MALACHITE: It's the Angel reunion tour. JADEITE: Good. They can hang out with Springsteen, CSNY, and Kiss. >A disaster comes as it will, without warning." ZOISITE: Couldn't you have installed a car alarm? > "On the positive side, our previous investments will >not go to waste." NEPHLITE: They'll make big bucks on Ebay. > "You can't be sure about that yet. If it doesn't pay >off, it's a waste all the same." MALACHITE: Well, at least you learned *something*. NEPHLITE: Yes, that's... what were you just saying? > "Correct. Now that the Angels have become common >knowledge JADEITE: They've already put up billboards and websites. >we have to manipulate the information to avoid >trouble. NERV must take care of these matters quickly." MALACHITE: Hey, this is a government agency. They're not allowed to be efficient. > "It's already been taken care of. You may rest >assured of that." NEPHLITE: Good. So what's for lunch? > "Well, we must acknowledge that. Speaking of which, >Mr. Ikari, isn't there a better way to utililze NERV and >Eva?" JADEITE: Maybe they can build giant parking garages. ZOISITE: They can direct traffic. NEPHLITE: They could dub videotapes at twice-normal speed. MALACHITE: I'd use the Evas for creating youth centers. > "We're referring to the repair costs for Unit 01, >which when added to the costs for Unit 00 ZOISITE: At least they aren't dividing by 00. [The others groan.] >are enough to bankrupt an entire country." > "We also understand that you gave that particular >toy to your son, MALACHITE: Geez... it was only a model kit. NEPHLITE: I think Heero could've beaten the angel with just Misato's car. Even Shinji could've done the same. >did you not? Fortunetly, we have made full >use of his potential." JADEITE: A trillion or so wallscrolls should cover it. > "Manpower...training...time...and money... NEPHLITE: Words you'd hear during an orientation meeting? ZOISITE: Words you never use in a relationship? >How much more will be wasted by you and your family?" MALACHITE: Yes, but Gendo has the Red Phone. You don't want him to use the Red Phone. > "And this is not your only responsibility. The >Human Enhancement Project, JADEITE: Designed to improve your player-characters' stats. >that should be your top priority." ZOISITE: His real priority? Seeing "Chicken Run"! > "Correct. Under these desperate circumstances, that >project is our only hope. NEPHLITE: They're falling under desperate times. DARTH VADER has pursued them to the corners of the galaxy. Yet a faint glimmer of hope remains... >Do you understand?" > "In any case, the Angel is no excuse for delaying >that project's schedule. ZOISITE: The only good excuse? Lack of coffee! MALACHITE: Gendo's a proper British headmaster. He only takes "I went to morning mass" as a valid excuse. >However, we will consider adjusting the budget." JADEITE: After taxes, he owes about a hundred yen. > "Now, the rest of this meeting concerns only us." NEPHLTE: Break time! > "Your presence here was appreciated, Mr. Ikari." ZOISITE: Watch... they're all giving him the finger. > Four of the neon chairs vanished. > "Ikari, you do understand there can be no turning >back, don't you?" MALACHITE: Nor can there be U-turns. JADEITE: Repent, Ikari! Or else you'll be left behind. > The fifth vanished as well, leaving only Gendo. > "I know. Mankind has no time left." ZOISITE: The atomic clock is at 11:58 PM. MALACHITE: Again? > >============================================================ > > Heero pressed his hand against the window, NEPHLITE: That window's valuable, you know. I'd put that hand down. >looking out to vegetation outside. ZOISITE: Wow. *More* stock footage from Transformation Sequence. >A door opened and he turned his head. A girl with strange >blue hair, ZOISITE: What was I just saying? JADEITE: "Strange blue hair" indeed! Unless of course she's got it in a mohawk. >wrapped in bandages, was being wheeled away in a stretcher >through the long corridor of the hospital. NEPHLITE: Intense emergency room action. >Their eyes locked for a moment. MALACHITE: Always pause for an eyecatch. >Her eyes were crimson, detailed with a distant, cold >attribute. So much like his. JADEITE: I wouldn't have thought of that... NEPHLITE: Who knows? Maybe they have something in common. >He watched her until she disappeared JADEITE: Ayanami... vanish! MALACHITE: Plob. >through a door that lead into another corridor. >Turning back to the window, he continued to watch the >scenery. ZOISITE: We thought a little *more* stock footage would improve this scene. > >============================================================ > > Misato lounged back MALACHITE: Appearing tonight at the House of Blues... Misato and the Lounge Lizards. >in the seat of the truck that drove toward NERV. "Air >conditioning has just got to be mankind's greatest treasure. >It's the triumph of science over nature." [All applaud.] NEPHLITE: Guess which royal figure hasn't installed any? > Ritsuko hung up the car phone JADEITE: [singing] She's got a bitchin' car phone, thinks she owns the road... >and reported, "Hiro's woken up." > Misato looked out the window. ZOISITE: Again?? >"And...how is he?" MALACHITE: Out of place. NEPHLITE: Insane. > "No external injuries," Ritsuko replied while she >began typing on the internal computer of the vehicle. ZOISITE: That's a good way to get carsick. >"The only reason he was hospitalized was because his cranial >nerves were too strained JADEITE: Plus, the molecular diffusion count was 14 percent. MALACHITE: Call PBS! Maybe they'll show this. >and couldn't handle the impact of the explosion the Angel >created." > "...I still don't get it. JADEITE: [singing] You never could get it unless you were fitted... Now you're here and you don't know why... ZOISITE: Someone has bad taste in music. >How did he learn how to pilot an Eva so well?" NEPHLITE: He trained with Master Happosai. > Ritsuko remained silent and typed. > >============================================================ MALACHITE: [Ritsuko] Equals, equals, equals... hey, wait a minute... > > He was in the Commander's room, ALL: Ta-da! >awaiting for further orders. Gendo sat in a chair with his hands >clasped under his chin. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] At this rate, I could be a model. > "Your performance was beyond my expectations, Heero," NEPHLITE: So good, he's back to his Bandai-romanized name. JADEITE: So what was he expecting? MALACHITE: We'd better not ask that. >he said, a subtle praise and hidden meaning behind the >statement. ZOISITE: Yeah. If you play it backwards, it says "Hail Satin, Hail Satin, Hail Satin." > Heero was silent. JADEITE: As is typical of him. > "Who trained you?" > "You already know, Father." NEPHLITE: That was an answer? ZOISITE: Don't *you* already know? > Gendo said nothing, but that in itself was an answer. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] That... is a secret. >The two of the same blood stared at each other, waging a >silent battle of wills until finally Heero turned to exit. MALACHITE: Gotta check on my Eggo... >He stopped once he came to the door. > "Where am I to stay?" ZOISITE: [Heero] Why am I to use the passive tense? > "The keycard and directions to your apartment are in >your locker MALACHITE: --behind the Britney Spears poster, but in front of your gym shorts. >where your plug-suit is. Ask Captain Katsuragi >for the location of the locker room JADEITE: All right... I'll ASK CAPTAIN. MALACHITE: [computer voice] She says nothing. JADEITE: Then I'll PUSH RED BUTTON. MALACHITE: [same] You can't do that. JADEITE: I'll PULL STAIRCASE. MALACHITE: [same] Nothing happens. JADEITE: Then I'll just SAVE GAME. MALACHITE: [same] Please insert floppy disk in drive A... >if you don't know where it is." > He started to walk again, but stopped in mid-step ZOISITE: Everybody freeze! >when his father spoke again. > "Did they force you to work for them or did you >volunteer?" NEPHLITE: [Gendo] Did they pay you well? Did you have to sign a licensing agreement? Did you have to swear allegiance to the corporation? > Heero glanced over his shoulder to meet Gendo's cold >eyes with his own. ZOISITE: Impassivity is the rule of the day. >"It was of my own free will when I learned something." > Gendo nudged the bridge of his glasses up. JADEITE: But the lens still fell out. Cheap little thing... >"But how much of what they told you were lies and half-truths?" MALACHITE: Hey, my whole life is built on lies and half-truths. Don't knock 'em. NEPHLITE: Really? I never knew. > He narrowed his eyes. "I know enough. JADEITE: [Heero] I'm good enough. I'm strong enough. >And in any case, I will learn for myself eventually. ZOISITE: [cheery] And now it's time to talk about what we've learned today. MALACHITE: [Heero] I learned that psychos sometimes win. JADEITE: [Misato] I didn't learn anything, and I'm happy! ZOISITE: [Ritsuko] I learned about thermodynamic molecular diffusion. But I already knew that. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] I won't tell you what I've learned. >The only thing important is that I do not fail my mission." NEPHLITE: We've already been there. JADEITE: What *is* his mission? NEPHLITE: To boldly go where no crossover has been before. >He left once that was said. ZOISITE: Finally, lunch time. >============================================================= > > "Eh?! What do you mean he left already?" Misato >asked. MALACHITE: [Misato] What do you mean I have a Canadian accent, eh? >"I thought I was supposed to escort him to recieve >orders." JADEITE: Actually, Heero's working in the acquisitions department. > "I'm sorry, miss, but he left before you got here >and has already recieved new orders from the Commander," ZOISITE: He's been told to deliver the pizza. NEPHLITE: [Gendo] Don't follow my orders, just do what I say! >the officer said. > "Where is he now?" MALACHITE: After his band broke up in 1989, Heero Ikari spent several years as a producer for Villains Unlimited Records. For the last five years, he's been working at a box factory, quietly planning his return to the music business. Next on "Where are They Now?", we examine the life of Rick Astley... > "He is currently stationed at his designated >residence: District-F in the 6th block beyond this one." JADEITE: Just past the hotel and the toxic waste dump. ZOISITE: There'll never be zoning ordinances in Tokyo. >The officer walked off to complete his other duties. > "But...alone?" Misato said to herself. NEPHLITE: Of course not. He'll get wacky neighbors, hangers-on, and love interests. MALACHITE: Or if not, I'm not watching this! > >========================================================== > > The apartment was small with all the necessary >appliances to survive: ZOISITE: A 1/44 replica of the Sistine Chapel. MALACHITE: Ancient Peruvian furniture. JADEITE: A nuclear-powered toaster. >a toilet, sink, shower, bed, dresser, and a man-sized box >that held NEPHLITE: --a Welsh Corgi. >the few things he owned. It must have been delivered from >where he formerly lived. JADEITE: Where did he formerly live? NEPHLITE: Normally, I'd say the colonies. ZOISITE: He lived in his parents' basement. >Only two rooms: a bedroom and a bathroom. The walls >were crusty with dust MALACHITE: And dusty with crust. >with minature cracks embossed on sides of the apartment. JADEITE: And so the scene is set. ZOISITE: It's not *as* important as the Important Building, but it's important. > Walking to the box, Heero opened it. The box >contained a small assortment of clothes. NEPHLITE: [Heero] My silky darlings! >There were his clothes --a second pair of his tanktop and >shorts, MALACHITE: Unless he's posing for the women, he doesn't even need any other outfits. >a formal suit, a school uniform, and one pair of casual >clothing--, an advanced computer with all its accesories, ZOISITE: Let's take a time out for a product plug. Today's computer is a-- NEPHLITE: No thank you! >a bag that held school supplies, his DAT player --the only >fundamental property he owned--, and his handgun. JADEITE: So which one is the "fundamental property"? NEPHLITE: The silky darlings. > He took out the DAT player and put the headphones in >his ears MALACHITE: I wouldn't suggest putting them anywhere else. >before closed the flaps to the box. Starting the music, ZOISITE: So what does he listen to? MALACHITE: Hard-core German death metal. JADEITE: He listens to "smooth jazz." NEPHLITE: No, it's probably just his theme song. >he flopped down on his bed, laying motionless. He >stared up at the powerless light, unblinking, JADEITE: [Heero] The light is unfamiliar... >while the music boomed in his head. > *Another unfamiliar ceiling,* ZOISITE: Close, but not quite, Jadeite. >he thought. *Of course. ALL: Of course. >In this whole city, there's no place that's familiar.* > The DAT player switched tracks. MALACHITE: Play "Smoke on the Water"! > *In this whole earth, there's no place that's >familiar to me.* NEPHLITE: So are there colonies or not? ZOISITE: Will we ever find out? > //But how much of what they told you were lies and >half-truths?// JADEITE: Fifty percent were lies. They were wrong half the time. > *What more does Father know that I don't?* MALACHITE: [singing] He knows if you've been bad or good... NEPHLITE: He knows about the top-secret Gekiganger project. And the time you dropped the waffle iron. >Hiro thought to himself. ZOISITE: He's thinking about how his romanization changed. JADEITE: Wasn't Hiro in Lunar 2? MALACHITE: He will be. And there is a chance that Working Designs might re-release it in 2000. A *chance*, mind you. >*He's right though. I know that what I've learned is probably >only partly true. ZOISITE: And now it's time to talk about what we've learned today. NEPHLITE: [Bob the Tomato, whispering] Every time we say that, *that song* plays... >If I've been lied to, I'll find out. I must.* > He fell asleep JADEITE: Someone had too much turkey. >shortly after that thought. He was going to sleep rather >early, MALACHITE: Some people party. Others do productive things. Heero just broods. >but it didn't matter since he had no further >instructions until tommorow other than go to JADEITE: --hell. NEPHLITE: --jail. Do not pass go, do not collect 20,000 yen. >his new home. > ...Home. He had no home. MALACHITE: He has one thing in common with Shinji. >There was a saying he remembered hearing, "Home was where >the heart was." ZOISITE: Most people don't put it in the past tense. NEPHLITE: [announcer] Maison Tokyo-3. The story of an angsty kid and the neighbors who love to torment him. >His heart was not in this crumpy apartment. His heart was with >the passion of battle. JADEITE: Can we *please* have another fight scene? >Every battle that brought him closer to his dream, closer to >completing his mission. ZOISITE: Which is, of course, undisclosed. >Maybe once his mission was finished he could have a home. >But not now. MALACHITE: Stop whining about your mission and start doing things! NEPHLITE: I fear we're already too late... >For now, his home was in battle and his new apartment was >only shelter. Shelter was necessary to survival, and survival >was crucial to being able to accomplish his goal. JADEITE: Tears are a sign of sadness. Did you know that when someone cries, they are sad? The sadness is usually displayed by tears... > >=============================================================== > > He snapped out of sleep suddenly. MALACHITE: [Heero as Kuno] I am revived!! ZOISITE: [Heero] What was that dream all about? Ki blasts... other dimensions... muscle-bound freaks... >Heero glanced at his watch. 11:27 it read JADEITE: Someone sleeps in *really* late. MALACHITE: [Heero] Drat, I missed the battle AGAIN! >with the seconds constantly ticking away to the right of it. >A creek of an opening door NEPHLITE: Go jump in a creek, Heero. JADEITE: He had a love as big as the sky... but Patches was found floating face-down in a dirty river... >came to his ears, warning him of another presence. That >must have been what woke him up. ZOISITE: Either that or the construction workers. >By the volume of the sound, it came from the neighboring >apartment to his left. MALACHITE: Looks like another all-nighter at the Ichinose apartment. ZOISITE: Where's Yotsuya? I wanna see him show up and taunt everyone. >That couldn't be right though. To his knowledge, the whole >building was private property of Nerv and abandoned. JADEITE: Both? Really? MALACHITE: Why not? >He doubted it could be a homeless person because all doors >in the complex were locked. NEPHLITE: Then it had to be the butler! No-one else could have killed the professor! > He slid out of bed and creeped quietly to the door, >taking his gun MALACHITE: Paranoid? No, he's not paranoid. NEPHLITE: He's doing stereotypical redneck behavior. If someone shows up, shoot them! >out of the box on the way. Opening the door >to his own apartment and sneaked to unlocked door. JADEITE: Being extra-careful not to trip the security alarm. ZOISITE: Meanwhile, he's singing "Swinging on a Star." >He twisted the knob that opened the door and peered through. >A slim blue haired girl NEPHLITE: Luna? ZOISITE: Umi? MALACHITE: Sailor Mercury? JADEITE: It doesn't matter. If you find a girl in an abandoned apartment, something's already wrong. >around his age, dressed in a school uniform, was beginning to >take off the bandages that covered various parts of her body. MALACHITE: Is that Rei or a mummy? JADEITE: [Heero] Wrap me up next, babe! >It looked like she had been in an average car accident, but... >she was the same girl from the hospital. NEPHLITE: Have you ever seen both of them in a photo? That's proof that they're ONE in the SAME! >NERV's personal hospital. > Hiro's eyes narrowed when he discovered something. JADEITE: [Heero] I discovered girls today... heh heh... ZOISITE: Like that'll ever happen. >Though the room was still rather vacant, there was a bed at >the end of the room and MALACHITE: --a long, repetitive, needless description. >next to it a short dresser with a glasses case on top of it. >The girl stopped suddenly and he decided to make his entrance. NEPHLITE: How 'bout a song-and-dance sketch? It could only improve the atmosphere. > He targetted her with his gun and asked, "Who are >you?" JADEITE: [Heero] Umm... Batman? MALACHITE: Maybe if Kia Asamiya or Masakazu Katsura had created this... > She turned around slowly and locked eyes with him. ZOISITE: Target sighted. >For some reason, the odd blue hair did not look so alien on >her now when accompainied with those dead eyes. MALACHITE: We just can't get enough of Rei's hair. ZOISITE: [Heero] Could you take me to your hairdresser? >If she was startled by his appearance and his gun, NEPHLITE: [Rei] Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just compensating? >she hid it well. > When she gave no answer, JADEITE: Someone forgot her lines. MALACHITE: Give a reason for life, Rei. >he asked, "What are you doing here? Answer me or I'll >destroy you." NEPHLITE: Actually, that's an accurate line. There's still clones, so she can't be killed yet. > "I live here," she said simply. > "This building is abandoned and the doors are kept >locked," Heero informed her. JADEITE: [Rei] And that affects me because...? > "I know." She began unwrapping her bandages again. ZOISITE: It's like a hospital here. > "Then how did you get in?" > "I was given a keycard," NEPHLITE: [computer] Received KEY 1. ZOISITE: [Rei] Good. I wish to USE it. NEPHLITE: [computer] The door opens. ZOISITE: [Rei] GO TO door. NEPHLTE: [computer] Please wait... loading... >she answered in a monotone. > The answers were too vague for his liking. MALACHITE: We call it Clamp-style dialogue. [deep] HEERO... YOU ARE HIS... >He caught a glimpse of JADEITE: Ahem. >an I.D. card inside the bag below her. He started forward >and picked up the bag without the girl's permission. NEPHLITE: If she were certain other female characters, he would be in intense pain. >Taking out the card, he observed it with no surprise. It was >all very logical to him. MALACHITE: Humans... they're highly illogical! ZOISITE: Let's see how many of NERV's secrets Heero can figure out in one episode. >She had been the only girl his age he had seen in all of >NERV Headquarters and only children ZOISITE: Grammar isn't important when you're the Third Children. >born within weeks of the Second Impact >could pilot Evangelions. It said that her name was Rei >Ayanami, age fourteen, JADEITE: --blood type O, height 170 centimeters, and an avid fan of comics, wrestling, and over-powered mecha. Bvee! [He blows a whistle, causing long rabbit ears to spring from his head.] ZOISITE: That was an amusing diversion. >and that she was an employee of Nerv. Though it did not >say, she was no doubt an Eva pilot. NEPHLITE: Nah... she's just a mechanic. MALACHITE: Maybe she can turn into Gwen Stefani. >No surprise at all. He knew from SEELE that there were >currently only two other Eva pilots, JADEITE: He learned it all through Usenet. MALACHITE: He also e-mailed them to ask if they were the antichrist. >one in Tokyo-3 and the other in Germany. ZOISITE: I hope she stays there. NEPHLITE: Will we see any other Gundam Wing characters? Stay tuned, and make sure they don't fall on you! >That was all the information he was supplied with JADEITE: And half of it was lies. >so he had no idea what either of the pilots >looked like until now. > Heero read the name out loud. MALACHITE: [Heero singing] I never weep at night, I call your name... >"You're Rei Ayanami, a pilot of one of the Evas." > She didn't answer because it wasn't a question. JADEITE: [Rei] Please state your answer in the form of a question. > When he looked up the bandages were in the garbage ZOISITE: You man of rubbish! >beside the bed and her blouse and skirt were on the floor. NEPHLITE: [Heero, dim] Uhhh... are you a wo-man? MALACHITE: [Rei] Kiss me, you fool. >"...what are you doing?" Heero asked, lowering the gun. MALACHITE: No comment. >She appeared to be no threat. NEPHLITE: Virgin alert! > "Changing." JADEITE: [Rei] You see, I have to do *my own* magical girl transforming sequence... >Her bra and panties were now piled on top of her other >clothing, leaving her completely naked. ZOISITE: [Rei, singing] Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas gas gas... NEPHLITE: Women be different than men! >Her figure was petite with smooth pale skin and ample >curves shaping her body. JADEITE: She's built like a racetrack. ZOISITE: If Masami Ohbari and Haruhiko Mikimoto ever collaborated on a project, this would be the result. MALACHITE: I'd buy it. > "Why?" > She put on a long shirt that fell to the middle of >her thighs NEPHLITE: Oh, God. Not a nightshirt! JADEITE: Now we find out that Rei's hair is just oozing with oil, and that she exudes a certain sleazeball charm... >before facing him completely. "To sleep." > She was changing to go to sleep. ZOISITE: Excellent deduction. How much did they pay you for that? >She posed no danger. That was all he needed to know. MALACHITE: [Heero] All I need are your name, number, and measurements. NEPHLITE: Heero Bond? Hmmm... > "What are you doing here?" Rei asked. > He didn't have to answer, JADEITE: They already know the script. It all seems so silly to them. >but he supposed neither did she when he asked. "I heard a >noise and I decided to investigate. MALACHITE: [sleazy] And look what I just found! >I will be living next door to you from now on." ZOISITE: And it *will* be wacky, damn it. NEPHLITE: Unless Naoko Takeuchi wrote it. >Heero turned around, seeing no more reason to be >here. "I am the new pilot of Unit-01." NEPHLITE: *New* pilot?? MALACHITE: Right... uh-huh... *how much* does this kid know?? JADEITE: [Heero] I know everything. Let me prove it... >He started to leave, but was stopped when she caught hold >of his arm. JADEITE: Does the phrase "restraining order" mean anything? > "You are Commander Ikari's son?" > "Yes." He unattached the grasp ZOISITE: Nice Herculean effort. He's been practicing. >to go back to his room and resume his sleep. > >============================================================ MALACHITE: So does he count equals signs or what? > > "Class, I would like to introduce a new student," ZOISITE: [Mitsuru Adachi] The transfer student is a cliche. Never use it! JADEITE: Too late. >the teacher said, "Heero Ikari." > Heero bowed stiffly. NEPHLITE: [Heero] I really, *really* wish I were in a Gunbuster crossover... > "You will sit over there." > He recieved a few curious stares MALACHITE: I hear those are pretty rare. >as he walked to his desk near the window and sat down. The >teacher ZOISITE: --did nothing. End of story. NEPHLITE: Too late. >continued on with his lesson plan and explained the effects >of the Third Impact. It was boring JADEITE: It IS boring. >listening to things he'd already learned. MALACHITE: Oh, by the way, Heero knows everything. ZOISITE: Didn't you already know that? Everyone knows that. >He stared in a hypnotized manner at the screen of >his desk computer, NEPHLITE: No, we are NOT going to have a repeat of the death scene from Transformation Sequence 3. Even though it would be vaguely amusing. >the cursor blinking for eternity. The cursor vanished to a >line below when a new message appeared. JADEITE: This is his punishment for running an instant messenger on a 286. MALACHITE: Ouch! > //Are you the new pilot?// > Heero glanced around the classroom for the sender ZOISITE: [Heero] What? Don't you all know about my glorious high-ranking position? JADEITE: He just doesn't fit in here. >and noticed a couple of girls together at a computer, smiling at >him. NEPHLITE: If this were any other guy--except maybe Nuriko-- he'd know what to do. ZOISITE: You're quite sure Nuriko is male? Really? >He pondered on what to type. He hadn't recieved any >orders to conceil his identity as a pilot, JADEITE: You might as well just give out your address and phone number. Heck, just sell yourself to an online spammer! >though attention would most likely be brought of answering >truthfully. Attention was at best tolerated, MALACHITE: Make up your mind already. I have a short attention span. >but avoided if possible. However, with how much the media >already knew, ZOISITE: They even know about the 18 and a half minute gap. >he wouldn't be surprised if he was suddenly on the front >page of the newspaper. JADEITE: The headline? "Obnoxious angsty kid shows up, fails to save city." NEPHLITE: "Precious toxic waste dump destroyed." >After all, the world had to know who was saving >the planet. MALACHITE: Who loves ya, baby? Who gives you good credit? >He felt it better if he'd let a small class >know and let it spread NEPHLITE: The news is just like jelly. >as opposed to everybody in the school knowing at once. > /Yes./ MALACHITE: [Heero] That should be a vague enough answer. > "WHAT!?" > The entire class bolted up out of their seats, ZOISITE: --and immediately collided with the ceiling. Comedy! JADEITE: These scenes are *so* dull. I could almost do better. >quickly surrounding Heero, and assaulted him with a dozens >of questions all at once. MALACHITE: [kid] Have you ever had sexual relations with that woman? JADEITE: [same] Ever had to face an evil clone of yourself? ZOISITE: [same] Are we talking about cherubim or seraphim? NEPHLITE: [same] Are you more evil than your dad? >He could barely seperate a single word from the >blur of sentences. The teacher stood there, twitching, MALACHITE: Uh-oh. I think he's about to short-circuit. >and began ushering the students back to their seats. While he >ignored most of them, ZOISITE: Go ahead, treat the peons like dirt. >one girl out of the mass caught his eye. It was Rei. MALACHITE: [Heero, sleazy] Check it out, it's our favorite little clone! [The others just groan.] >Oddly, even though she should have stood out >like a sore thumb with her blue hair NEPHLITE: Blue hair, this. Blue hair, that. *Get over it!!* >and being the only one not crowded around him, the girl seemed >to blend into the background with a natural camoflauge. JADEITE: She's got a sign saying "I'm not here." ZOISITE: Rei's a lot like Xellos. She can disappear when she wants to. >She stared outside the window, ignoring all the antics >around her. MALACHITE: She's missing the wacky antics! > A tall boy pushed through the crowd, clouding his view >of Rei. NEPHLITE: Kinda like the cinemas from Thousand Arms. JADEITE: You're the only one here who played that game. >His face looked angry and his hands were in knotted >fists. JADEITE: I didn't know he did crochet. >Heero calmly looked at him, wondering why he was angry, >until the bell abrubtly rang. > >============================================================== ZOISITE: Ding=dong ding=dong ding=dong... > The boy named Toji glared at Heero. "Because of you my >sister's in the hospital!" MALACHITE: [Heero] Actually, it's all Genrou's fault. NEPHLITE: No, that would be Koji. > Heero stood passively while Toji held his fists in the >air. ZOISITE: Now everybody freeze! >"What are you talking about?" > Toji only became angrier. JADEITE: But is his battle aura sparking? >"When you were using that robot of yours to destory buildings, NEPHLITE: You mean he was supposed to do something productive with it? JADEITE: I still say the Evas should do manual labor. >my sister got hurt because she was in one of them you idiot! >You'll pay for that!" ZOISITE: That hussy... he'll pay. >He jumped forward at Hiro, MALACHITE: You got the wrong guy, dolt. NEPHLITE: Have you seen Hiro and Heero in the same photograph? Didn't think so! >swinging his fist. > Heero caught the punch easily JADEITE: [Heero, evil] Hold it right there, buster. That's *mine*. ZOISITE: Catch me catch you... >and prepared to counter-attack, drawing back his own fist. > "Ikari." MALACHITE: Please state your answer in the form of a question... > The pilot halted in mid-strike to look up from his >fight and see Rei. NEPHLITE: She blends in with the scenery. JADEITE: [Rei, taunting] You can't see me, I've got a cloak of invisibility... > "You are to report at NERV Headquarters immediately," ZOISITE: And I was expecting the Publishers Clearing House van. >she said. She started away from them with order fulfilled. MALACHITE: [computer] Your Shopping Cart is currently empty. NEPHLITE: Online shopping. There's gotta be something amusing in that. > Heero dropped his trained combat stance at once and >turned to comply with the order, JADEITE: [Heero] Wait... I forgot... Do you want to super-size that? MALACHITE: Would I like fries with that? Of course I would! >following the retreating form without hesitation. He forgot >about the vengeful boy and his yells for now. ZOISITE: Toji. He's easily ignored and easily forgotten. > >============================================================= >That's all I've got so far. NEPHLITE: We're out of time and energy. Do you realize how long it'll take to post this to the FFML? > >Other crossover ideas and fanfics of mine can be found at: >http://members.xoom.com/dgentity/home.htm >_____________________________________________________________ >___________ JADEITE: Now *there's* a pick-up line! >Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at >http://www.hotmail.com > > > >-- ZOISITE: Hey, those two dashes are our trademark. MALACHITE: Really? > .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List---. > | Administrators - ffml-admins@fanfic.com | > | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@fanfic.com | > | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | NEPHLITE: And learn to spell it. Please. > `---http://www.fanfic.com/FFML-FAQ.txt ---' > > > > JADEITE: Time to go home. MALACHITE: Well, finally... [They leave.] *** "I abhor Villains Unlimited," Beryl said to herself, "yet within there lies the rub. If I want to get a guest star in the near future, they are my only reliable source. Whatever shall I do?" The queen thought about her dilemma for a moment. Then she got out a phone book. "Let's see... temp agencies... what else is out there?" She looked over the two pages. Ironically, the only company listed on those pages was Villains Unlimited--over and over again. "Oh, how ironic and cruel fate is," Beryl said loudly. Just then a light went on in her head. "Wait a minute. I'm evil. If I want to give them an extra test subject, then surely I can find one on my own." She set down the phone book and walked over to a large, rusting machine sitting in the corner of her office. "Let's see what disturbing things I can do with this," she said, "Clones... transmogrification... genetic mapping... security breaching..." Beryl then had an idea. "I got it! I'll give them... another one of me," she said brightly. The queen went to work. The lights slowly dimmed as she began the experiment. Her laughing continued for quite some time... -- NEXT TIME: We *finally* return to Cry for Help. In chapters five and six, the story ends... or at least the story arc does. -Alan July 21, 2000 e-mail: gekiganwing@lycos.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com (FINALLY updated!!) "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-2000 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >"Hiro Ikari..."