--Alan -- Nega-Hell 10.1. Delving deeper into Zoisite's mind... ####################################################### MST: A Day in Lita's Life Nega-Hell 10.1 Original by Mitch Treatment by Alan ####################################################### In her dark, secret laboratory, Queen Beryl pressed the button that let Nephlite enter. She knew he was her last remaining loyal general, and that he had a truly evil sense of humor. Those two qualifications alone were enough to put him on the "acceptable" list... but the fact that he knew everything helped. "Welcome, General," she told him, "It seems you are aware of the 'issues.'" She smiled on saying the word. Nephlite bowed. "I know them, and I always have," he replied, "My queen... is it not time for them to know?" She considered this for a second. It was evil. Beryl burst out laughing. A moment later, she said, "Maybe it is time. I am quite sure that Malachite and Zoisite would _enjoy_ hearing such news!" The general joined in the laughter. It echoed through the halls. *** As he whistled a happy tune, Nephlite turned the corner toward the throne room. He immediately met up with his three comrades, and all were glowering down at him. "Ummmm... Uh-huh..." he stammered, "It's not what it looks like!" "Is this what you mean by 'There's nothing going on between Beryl and me'?" Zoisite exclaimed, as her anger level soared high, "I will never forgive you!!" Nephlite fell to the floor, hoping to grovel at their feet. "Please..." he told them, "You must understand..." They contined to wear their sober, dark expressions. "Even if you aren't in league with the queen," Malachite said, "We still have to get our assignment from her." He turned toward the throne, to find it suddenly occupied. "Don't you worry about little Nephlite," Beryl told the generals, "He's just a pawn in my game. Just like you, he shall receive punishment." Zoisite stifled a yawn. "Such stock dialogue," she muttered. The queen continued, "Your project today will be 'A Day in Lita's Life.' I found it at the ever-reliable fanfiction.net, so you know what to expect! Enjoy!" With these words, she raised the barrier. The generals exchanged looks. Following a moment of silence, Malachite said, "I sure hope Ash isn't still spiteful..." The others sighed, and lead him into the theater. -- Traditional door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order hasn't changed at all. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] > > - Home - > Authors > > Columnists > > Editors > > > > > JADEITE: Tell me when it's over... > ? JustIn ? Discussion Forum >? Author Directory ? Chat ? Links ? Help Desk ZOISITE: Why all the question marks? MALACHITE: No need for an exclamation point. > Fic Moment: Killer With A >Conscience by Meridian (G) JADEITE: Wait a minute... That's not right. NEPHLITE: Exactly my thoughts. > > > > > >Authors: Register | Log In > > > > MALACHITE: Stand by... stand by... >Title: > A Day in Lita's Life JADEITE: [singing] I'd like to turn you on... ZOISITE: Funny, I thought you liked Mars. >Author: > Mitch >Censor: > PG >Reviews: > 0 MALACHITE: Pretty harsh reviews there... > > >A Day in Lita's Life by Mitch JADEITE: Finally! > wells17@gte.net > >A thousand years ago, she was the princess of Jupiter and one of the >guardians of Princess Serena of the Moon. NEPHLITE: Now she works at Burger King. > When the Moon Kingdom was >destroyed by the fearsome Negaforce, she and the others were sent to >Earth's future, but were soon followed. MALACHITE: No. We were dead, too. > Even though that evil was >eventually defeated, another one soon followed. And so, our story >begins... JADEITE: Every saga has a beginning... > >-RIIING- Lita Kino pressed her alarm button and groggly got up. NEPHLITE: Half the world's RPGs begin this way. ZOISITE: [eery] You're finally awake... >She rubbed the sleepies from her eyes and searched for her school >uniform. She had ironed it last night and laid it on a chair. MALACHITE: It's the "waking up" scene from Project A-ko. NEPHLITE: I can't believe you still remember that. >As she put it on, she thought about how she wore it because >Crossroads didn't have a uniform her size. ZOISITE: Talk to Utena about that one. MALACHITE: Talk to Kekko Kamen. [Zoisite slaps him.] > Lita smiled to >herself, thinking about how fate must have wanted her to have some >reminder of her old life. ZOISITE: Huh? JADEITE: You see, she wore a school uniform a lot... NEPHLITE: She was Yui Hongo in a past life. > Besides, if she -did- wear the same thing >as the others, she would look like a tallier version of Serena, Amy, >or even Ann. MALACHITE: Wrong skin color on the last one. > Actually, Lita just couldn't see herself in those >whites, reds, and blues. Giant bow on the shirt... She made some >breakfast JADEITE: That was sudden. ZOISITE: Unfamiliar transition... > and got started on her lunch. To some, she seemed very >lonly, having to fend for herself. Actually, Lita felt that she >handled things pretty well. She -did- miss her parents, however. She >packed her lunch and checked on the time again. MALACHITE: She doesn't want to miss her favorite show. NEPHLITE: Oh, she must be watching that "Big Shot" program. MALACHITE: "See you space cowboy!" > She liked to be >punctual, at least more punctual than Serena. Strange, a couple of >months ago, she had compleatly forgotten her life as Sailor Jupiter >and now it was so clear to her. JADEITE: Wow, a crystal-clear picture. MALACHITE: A crystal clear destiny. > Still, she -had- spent a thousand >years not knowing before. She never minded being a Scout, but she >still secretly thanked Serena for trying to give them all normal >lives. ZOISITE: --and then taking them away. NEPHLITE: [Lita] I used to be a reject... thanks to you, I'm incredibly popular! You're a good friend! ZOISITE: [sotto] That was unexpected... > She felt sorry for Serena, being forced into this again. >Oh well... She packed her lunch, cute as always, and headed off to >school. It was kind of wierd, how she had to re-inroll in the same >grade again, even though she didn't -fail- last time, she just had >selective amnesia. MALACHITE: Jeez... we're slipping into SuperS territory now. > Still, it gave everything more of a freash >start to her, not as much as a re-run of last year. JADEITE: [Lita] I hate reruns. Change the channel. ZOISITE: I'm hoping Pioneer doesn't just rehash the old dub episodes. MALACHITE: Yes, but we're in them! ZOISITE: You and your big ego... NEPHLITE: [sotto] Issues. Always the damn issues. > Everything >seemed to feel easier the second time. Lita checked the time again >and rushed off to Crossroads. She got there on time JADEITE: [singing] Make it to the church on time! NEPHLITE: [zany] Hey kids! Do you know what time it is? > and made it to >class. Her school day was basically uneventful, until around lunch. >As usual, she joined Amy and Serena outside. "I can't believe we >still don't know who we're fighting," complained Lita. MALACHITE: That's what we said during "Shiroi Hime." ZOISITE: Nuriko-sama... > "Well," said >Amy, "Even Raye can't sense everything. I guess we just have >to investigate harder." "Well," said Serena, "we -have- seen them." >"But we don't know who they are or where they operate from," argued >Lita. NEPHLITE: [Lita] ...or where they divide paragraphs... > "Hey, what are you guys fussing about?" They looked up and saw >Ann. "Well, we're not really fussing. We're just trying to figure out >something," explained Lita. "Well, I hope it's not another plan to >snag my brother." JADEITE: [Ann] No, I'm not your enemy. Don't even think such things! MALACHITE: Brother? Now we're slipping into Video Girl Ai territory. > Lita frowned. "Look, all that happened was >that we had lunch, okay? Besides, aren't you acting rather >overprotective?" Ann just made a face and left. JADEITE: Face! ZOISITE: Left, right, left, left, right... > Amy looked at Lita. >"-sigh- I know, it's just that Ann bugs me sometimes, okay?" "I know >the feeling," whispered Serena as she uncharacteristically picked at >her food. NEPHLITE: Use your chopsticks, young lady. > Oh yeah, thought Lita, remembering that Ann was after >Darien. Darien had completely forgotten his life as Prince Darien of >Earth and as Tuxedo Mask and, because of which, forgotten his >relationship with Serena a thousand years ago. ZOISITE: This is shoujo. Don't say anything. MALACHITE: Such a pity... > Lita knew too well >about the consequencies of heartbreak and really felt for Serena. >Maybe his memory could be restored. Alan, Ann's brother, had shown >interest in Serena, which made Lita kind of guilty about that day. NEPHLITE: [Lita] That day... I want to return to that day! >Well, he was hardly steady with Serena or anyone else, so it seemed a >good idea at the time. Maybe it was because Serena and Darien were >really -meant- for each other, something Lita both envied and admired >about them. "Look, I...I shouldn't have brought it up..." JADEITE: [Lita] I'm sorry I even mentioned Amelia and Gensuke... >"Don't worry, let me handle it," said Serena. If there was anything >Serena was dedicated to, it was getting Darien back. Lita gave >herself a private smile for that. After school, Lita got home and did >her homework. She had to get to the Cherry Hill Temple MALACHITE: Any connection to Mars Hill? NEPHLITE: Malachite, that was stupid. > for a Sailor >Scout meeting that night, so she had to hurry. Just then, the phone >rang. "-sigh- What?!" MALACHITE: [Lita] Damn telemarketers. > "Lita? You okay?" Lita knew that voice well. >"Ken? Oh Ken, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm in a hurry." "Well, in >that case..." JADEITE: [Ken] Have you seen Barbie lately? NEPHLITE: [Ken] You gotta help me. I've been battling gangs of post-apocalyptic bikers for ages now... > "No, it's okay. I haven't heard from you in a little >while. How...how are you doing?" I'm doing okay. I hear -you're- the >one who gave me that blood transfusion." JADEITE: Slam! Crash! Ker-pow! ZOISITE: [singing] Transfusion transfusion... > "Well, what are friends >for?" Lita quieted her tone a second later. "I'll admit Ken, I was >scared. I...I was afraid I'd lose you." "Well, I was scared too. >Anyway, I just wanted to check on you. I'm really grateful for you >Lita. I...I hope that transfusion didn't inconvenence you someway." MALACHITE: [Ken] No... but could you *please* get Nurse Venus away from me? >"Things turned out okay," answered Lita. "Well," said Ken, "I'd >better let you go. Great talking to you Lita." "'Bye Ken." As Lita >hung up, she thought of how that transfusion almost kept her from >saving Sailor Moon from the same monster that put Ken in the >hospital. NEPHLITE: Hospital zone! Don't shout your attacks! > They had all recovered from then, but she was determined to >get those creeps from nearly costing her her two best friends. > ZOISITE: A... a paragraph break... >Serena was late to the meeting, as usual, so they started without >her. "Any progress?" Lita asked Raye. Raye Hino had been using her >phycic abilities to figure out MALACHITE: --all those vector equations. JADEITE: You can not change the laws of phycics! > who their new enimies were. "I >-still- don't know who or where they are," she said, "but I -do- >sense that they're going to send another monster tonight. ZOISITE: [Mina] Speaking of which, can we send out for a pizza? NEPHLITE: Venus doesn't do a whole lot in these episodes... MALACHITE: Is that a *bad* thing? >I don't know where or what kind though." Lita frowned. She hated it >when she couldn't reach whoever she was fighting. Her only hope was >to catch ZOISITE: Gotta catch 'em all! > those jerks in the act. "It's getting late," stated Mina, >"maybe you should check the fire again. Raye and the others >went to the fire room. NEPHLITE: To get to the fire sale. JADEITE: Is that anything like the Danger Room? > The Great Fire was burning greatly as always. ZOISITE: As the name implies. >Sometimes, Lita wished she could do medium-type stuff, but Raye had >been doing it all her life and was quite good at it. Still, Lita kept >wishing that she was more than just the brawn of the Scouts. Then >again, all the other jobs you'd expect in a hero team were taken: MALACHITE: All stereotypes accounted for! NEPHLITE: No comment. >Amy Anderson was the smart one, Raye was the supernatural expert >(alternativly, Raye might also have been the hothead), Mina was the >experienced one, [Nephlite laughs uproarously.] JADEITE: She has quite a resume... > and Serena, believe it or not, was the leader. Lita >didn't -just- want to be the strong one, which is probably why she >acted as their moral booster so often. ZOISITE: Boosted up a TM! > It wasn't like she wanted to >take the spotlight from any of the others, she just wanted to prove >that she was more than just muscle. Serena actually showed up in time >to see Raye conjour up an image of the monster she predicted. MALACHITE: [Raye] It looks just like you, Odango. ZOISITE: [Serena] Baka! NEPHLITE: [sotto] Those issues just won't go away... >Lita figured that Serena haad been trying to get Darien's attention >away from Ann. Part of Lita felt ticked at Serena for neglecting her >duties while the other part understood completly. Lita didn't think >Darien -was- interested in Ann. JADEITE: Well, if he was, he'd find something better to wear than that pink shirt. > If he had any common sense, Lita >figuered, he wouldn't. The monsted appeared in the Great Fire. It was >shaped as a woman but made of grass. JADEITE: Flower children! NEPHLITE: Geez... these lines don't sound better the second time... > "It's at the flower show," >explained Raye, "let's go." > >Each of them got out their transformation wands, except for Serena >who got out her locket with the Imperium Silver Cyrstal, MALACHITE: It's a *broken watch*. Get over it. >and each said their respective catch phrases. "MOON CYRSTAL POWER!" ZOISITE: Kero-chan check! >"MERCURY POWER!" NEPHLITE: MAN CHRISTMAS SUCKS!! > "MARS POWER!" JADEITE: Mister Tambourine Man!! > "JUPITER POWER!" MALACHITE: Stella!! > "VENUS POWER!" JADEITE: No more screaming... please. >Lita always wondered how she was able to accept her transformation >and her role as Sailor Jupiter so quickly. She always felt as if she >was born for that role. Besides, she thought her transformation >was electrifying, so to speak. [Nephlite groans.] ZOISITE: Now she's Pikachu. > She wondered if the others thought the >same way about their roles on the team. Oh well... They ran to the >flower show, hoping to get there before the monster had seriously >endangered anyone. A lot of people were unconcious, but they looked >like their energy had been drained from them and not otherwise >injured. NEPHLITE: Think about it... Doom *Tree*... *flower* show... MALACHITE: Way too late for that. > Sailor Moon was the first to burst throught the door. "Hold >it right there! How dare you endanger the lovers of flowers! >I am Sailor Moon, the champion of justice, and on behalf of the moon, >I will right wrongs and triumpth over evil, JADEITE: Suddenly, she's lisping. > and that means you!" >"Yeah? Well, I'm Viney, the weed Cardian. I hope you enjoy a little >-tangling-!" The Cardian fired pointy vines at the Scouts. ZOISITE: As the name implies. JADEITE: He's got a pointy stick! >They avoided the full force of the attack, but were left scratched in >some places. Sailor Jupiter didn't let it bother her. She charged at >Viney ZOISITE: Viney... sounds like a misplaced Clow Card. NEPHLITE: Well, it's a Cardian. Duh. MALACHITE: [sotto] Niki. > and deleivered a well placed blow in her midsection...and the >Cardian didn't feel a thing. MALACHITE: I feel nothing... nothing! JADEITE: Jawohl! > Viney grabbed Jupiter and threw her >accross the room. "MERCURY BUBBLES BLAST!" Sailor Mercury created a >fog around the room, apparently to distract the Cardian and to buy >the others time. JADEITE: But you can't buy them love. > Jupiter cursed herself for falling victim for such >a trick. True, she usually charged in headfirst, but she always saw >that as a calculated risk, since she knew where to hit. She just >didn't figure on fighting someone who couldn't feel pain. NEPHLITE: Someone min/maxed a little too much on their character sheet. >Jupiter decided to play it cool for now. The mist cleared and the >Cardian was visable again. It fired a stream of roses at the Scouts. ZOISITE: Copyright infringement! MALACHITE: Wouldn't it be funny if Tux-boy was in there? >"MARS FIRE IGNITE!" Sailor Mars fired a wave of flame that destroyed >the roses. Jupiter saw this as a time to act. "JUPITER THUNDER >CRASH!" Lightning shot out of the lightning rod atop of Jupiter's >tiara and fried the Cardian to a crisp. It then changed into a >playing card, JADEITE: [Red Dragon] Never play an ace when a two will do. > like all the other monsters they had been fighting >lately, and the monster's picture turned black. > >The two aliens, on male and one female, appeared in front of the >Scouts. "Well, sailor failers, MALACHITE: [Kyoko Otonashi] Mr. Flunk-Out! > you did it again," said the >female alien. "Just remember, every time you seem to win, it only >makes us angry." They vanished. ZOISITE: Team Doom-Tree's blasting off again. > Jupiter thought of what she would do >if she got her hands on thoses two, but she figured the other Scouts >thought basically the same thing. > >Lita got back home, NEPHLITE: Nice timing. JADEITE: That was sudden... > still sore from her wounds. Her Scout form was >somewhat tougher than her form as Lita, so she was thankful that it >could have been worse. She was tougher than the other Scouts MALACHITE: She's tough. She kicks butt. ZOISITE: By the way, her Sailor form is tougher. Did you know that her Sailor form is tougher? It is. It's tougher. >and might have been the least bothered from the damage inflicted on >her than the others. She sighed, thinking about how she was just >lucky that JADEITE: Do you feel lucky, Scout? > way, but the others had to be more careful. Well, they >would always recover quickly. Lita made herself a light dinner, >took a shower and went to bed. She wondered if she would dream about >her ex-boyfriend. MALACHITE: [singing] Dream a little dream of me... > Lita figured she should try for something less >tramatic, like maybe the flowers she saw at that shop. > >END NEPHLITE: Well... they were probably pretty flowers. > > Review Story > Title: > A Day in Lita's Life > Censor: > PG > Name: > > Email: > (optional) > Review: ZOISITE: No need to be redundant. > > > > > > > Home | About Us | Awards | >Nonprofit Status | Disclaimer MALACHITE: It's over. Let's go. NEPHLITE: Agreed. [All four leave.] -- She stood on a black patch of rock, one black as the very soul of death. Zoisite, the obligatory woman in a group of men, was alone. Looking to the skies, staring at the spinning, glaring spacecraft, she whispered, "Tsunami... where are you?" Back in the Nega-Hell throne room, Malachite groaned. His love's premonitions were becoming a bit too silly. "Snap out of it, Zoisite," he told her, shaking her prone body. "Kagato... Light Hawk Wings... Ryoko in the nude... Oof, I'm awake!" she shouted. Bolting up, as all movie characters do when awakened from a nightmare, she told her beloved, "This is getting a bit scary. I don't know what series I belong to now!" Malachite touched her hair. "Don't worry, my love," he whispered, "All the continuity will be sorted out soon..." From the shadows, Nephlite watched. "Soon... soon... soon..." he also whispered. -- TO BE CONTINUED in a fic to be named later. -Alan January 24, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >Then again, all the other jobs you'd expect in a hero team were taken "So which one's better -- wolves in sheep's clothing, or wolves who look like wolves?"