--Alan -- Nega-Hell 7.1. Your average Slayers story. Fun! ############################################################ MST--New Slayers..., chapter 1 Nega-Hell 7.1 Original by Gensuke Farseer Treatment by Alan ############################################################ Nephlite hopped about the throne room, bouncing about with a smile. The other three, however, sat at the card table, glowering at him. "Hit me," Jadeite coolly said. Somberly, Malachite passed him a card. The blond-haired general's expression quickly turned to doom and despair. "Oh... don't worry," Jadeite told them, "I... I just thought the card was a little bent, that's all..." This comment provoked Zoisite to sigh. She stood up, looked at Nephlite, and asked him, "What are you doing?" He stopped his frantic jumping for a second. "I'm rather happy today," he said, "I sent in my order for Akazukin Chacha fansubs." On finishing the statement, he resumed his happy dance. "Unfamiliar title," Zoisite said, in a low voice. Now that he had won, Malachite got up as well. He told his love, "It's a shoujo series. From what I've heard, it's quickly overcoming even your beloved CLAMP School in popularity." She had to consider this idea for a second. "Blasphemy!" she shouted, "How DARE the general public consider such an idea?" Zoisite thrust one foot into the floor. "Just calm down, my love," Malachite said, "I'm sure we can find a way to reverse this trend." Zoisite scowled. "We had better. Or else the floor gets it," she grumbled. *** Beryl sat back on her throne and admired the decorations in the room. Sighing deeply, she said, "Impressive... most impressive. I see that you are becoming more evil after all." The queen pointed to the blood-red Christmas lights. "Thank you," Nephlite said, "And just think--we didn't even force Jadeite into doing all the work." Jadeite glared at his fellow general. Even as he did that, he added, "It's true." Benevolently, Beryl smiled upon the four. "That's very good to hear. Now, please go to your select destination. There's a very special treat awaiting there. It's titled 'New Slayers,' and I think you'll find it very pleasing. Ha ha ha!" She did her standard-issue evil laugh, then retreated behind a barrier. "I have a clever idea," Jadeite said, "How about we decorate the theater in lights? She might enjoy that." He laughed at his own clever idea. Malachite glanced at him suspiciously. "That wouldn't make any difference to our Wickedest of Ladies," he said. "Come along, children," Zoisite said, "Let's get this over and done." -- Door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order is the same as always. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] > >New Slayers: A New Beginning, A New Friend, A New Adventure! > > > >Chapter 1 > >It was rather rainy for a mid-summer’s day in the town of Tice. ZOISITE: Tice? JADEITE: Is it pronounced "taiss" or "tai-say"? NEPHLITE: We may never know. >The streets were empty save a duo of travelers being assaulted >by the winds and rains. One of them, a short girl with hair like >crimson brimstone, looked along the row of buildings lining the >street. All the shops were closed for the day save one or two >taverns and inns. The other traveler, a tall blonde man with a >rather large sword at his side, looks up as well, scanning the town >for any sign of life. JADEITE: Where's the food? > > >"Lina, I think the restaurants are closed for the day." He says >modestly > > > ZOISITE: The world's longest paragraph breaks! >"I know! Why can’t there be a single restaurant here open for the >entire day?" Lina replies angrily, surveying the shops in this >town. As you probably have guessed ‘Lina’ refers to Liana Inverse, MALACHITE: Nice alias, Lina. NEPHLITE: [sotto] I promised to avoid insulting Jadeite. I should keep to that. >commonly known as the "Bandit Killer", the "Dragon Spooker", or >"The Enemy of All Who Live". And as you also probably have guessed, >the man with her is Gourry Gabriev "The Not So Bright Sidekick of >Lina Inverse". And why are they in a small town called Tice? Why, >because of it’s history of fine dinning and lost treasure JADEITE: Do you *need* anything else? > in >the nearby mountain ranges, that’s why! Anyway, on with the story. > > > >Angrily Lina barges into one of the closed restaurants and looks >around, immediately followed by Gourry. To Gourry’s surprise, but >not to Lina’s, the restaurant is very much open for business and >only closed it’s doors due to the rain and wind. The commotion of >the room stopped as all the customers look at her, a few of the >more intelligent ones ducking out the back door at the same time. NEPHLITE: Strategic retreat. > >"Lina!" Says Gourry, "Why are there people in here if it’s closed?" > >Ignoring Gourry’s usual stupidity, Lina yells out for a waiter, >saying "I demand to be seated, now!" . ZOISITE: [Lina] Provide me with goods and services, mortal! > > >Just as she says that a waiter comes up to her and says, "Umm... >excuse me...there is a ...umm...man in the corner that would like >to see you.". He points off to the far corner where Lina catches >sight of an old friend. MALACHITE: Just any old friend? NEPHLITE: I'm guessing one of the regular cast members. JADEITE: I'm guessing Simon and Garfunkel. > She walks over to the man and sits down. >Gourry follows her to the table. > > > >"Hey, Zel! Why are you here?" she asks, her mind filling with >Curiosity. MALACHITE: So that's what killed the cat! > > >The man, looking more like a creature of the night than a man, >responds by saying "Why else? I heard a rumor that a cure to >my...curse, is in this town somewhere." NEPHLITE: Did he ask Xellos? Bad idea. ZOISITE: He's too busy arranging his marriage. > >"I see...so you’re not here for the fine dinning I suppose?" asks >Gourry remembering why he’s there. > >Zelgadis was about to answer when suddenly a terrible scream was >heard from out side. They all rushed out to see a war band of >orcs rioting into town. Lina figured this could pose a problem to >her eating good food and so did Gourry. MALACHITE: Not for long. [Zelgadis] Fireball! ZOISITE: I just hope Sailor Mercury isn't with them. > However Zel found it as a >chance to be praised for once. As he stood there ready to fight, he >smiled at the thought of not being called a monster for once. > >"Come on Gourry! They’re in the way of us having the finest dinning >this side of Saillune!" She yelled as she threw out a Fireball >to incinerate the beasts. > > > >The fighting lasted a minute or so before the orcs realized that >they were fighting the infamous "Flat-chested Hummie Dat Can >Scare Dragonz" JADEITE: That title just keeps getting longer and longer... ZOISITE: She's still my role model. Don't knock her. > and decided that if dragons couldn’t kill her than >they were good as dead. So they fought harder to please the orcy >gods Gork and Mork. MALACHITE: Bork bork bork! ZOISITE: Those are some real clever names. > The orcs dropped like flies, but as each one >fell they just fought harder. Just as the last ones were about to >die, the warboss yelled "OK boyz! Dis hummie ain’t wurth da >trubles! Retreat!" > >The orcs retreated, but a lone orc remained and yelled to the >warboss "Eh! Boss! NEPHLITE: Sounds like they're *attempting* a French Canadian accent. > Dats unorcy an Gork an Mork don’t like orcs >dat run from hummies!" > >Realizing that this guy was right, the orcs turned and ran back at >the trio of heroes. > >"Damn! Don’t these things ever give up?" Complained Lina as Zel and >Gourry slew the remaining orcs. Suddenly an orc jumped out and >started charging at Lina yelling the orcy battle cry of "WAAAAAGH!!" > >"Lina! Look out!" yelled Gourry as he attempted to slay the foul >thing, however the orc whacked him with it’s ax and kept charging. ZOISITE: Time for the Dragon Slave. > > >"Fire..."was all Lina could say before a flash of light emitted >from Zelgadis’s general direction and the orc was incinerated by a >fireball type attack. NEPHLITE: Oh, just your typical fireballish blast. MALACHITE: Nothing unusual there. > With a very grateful look Lina turned to >Zelgadis and said "Thanks Zel, that was a close one." > >"Hey! I helped too, Lina!" said Gourry. ZOISITE: Go away, peon. > >"Oh yeah thanks to you too, Gourry" said Lina with her usual smile > >"That was one sneaky orc, huh Lina?" said a smirking Zelgadis. > >"Umm, Zel isn’t Sneaky Orc an oxymoron?" asked Lina. JADEITE: No, no, no. That would be Surviving Orc. > >With a surprised look Gourry yelled out "What!? Sneaky Orcs are >Stupid Cows?" > >"NOT STUPID COWS, JELLYFISH BRAINS!!! OXYMORONS!!!" screamed Lina >angrily. NEPHLITE: [Beryl] I hate dealing with stupid people. JADEITE: No comment. NEPHLITE: I know, I know... > >"Same thing." Said Gourry, arms crossed and wearing a smug look on >his face. > >"By the way Lina, I’m not the one who cast that last spell." Said >Zel. > >With a confused look Lina turns to Gourry and immediately rules him >out as a candidate for who cast that spell. Lina starts to think MALACHITE: [Lina] Where did Sylphiel go, anyway? ZOISITE: But she can't-- MALACHITE: I know. >when suddenly a very familiar voice happily yells out "Gensuke! I >found you!". As this is said a young boy and girl roll out of the >bush behind Zel. ZOISITE: Seems Nuriko-sama made a cameo! NEPHLITE: [Nuriko] Looks like my secret is out of the bag. > Lina studies the boy, who seemed to not be any >older than 13 or 14. He had jet black hair with a pair of white >streaks going down the front. He wore a blood red tunic covered in >strange runic symbols and had an odd looking golden heart on a >feminine looking chain around his neck. She felt this strange >feeling overwhelm her, like she knew this person from somewhere. JADEITE: Don't worry. It's just your kid from the future. NEPHLITE: I hope he doesn't know everything. >Confused, she dismissed the feeling and then looked at the girl and >is surprised to see Princess Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune latched onto >the poor boy who is yelling at her. > > > >"Gensuke Farseer! Why did you run away?" MALACHITE: God made me fast... > Amelia asked with a very >happy voice. > > > >"Because you’re just as annoying as a bard drunk on Fungus Root >Ale!!!" was his reply. JADEITE: Typical Suikoden II dialogue. ZOISITE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > Amelia looked up and saw Lina standing >over in the distance looking towards them and yelled "Lina-san! >Gourry-san! Zelgadis-san! Hi! Long time no see!". Gensuke >immediately looked towards them and, although upside-down and >disoriented, recognized the trio of travelers and sighed. > > [=] > > > >Lina, Gourry, Zel, Amelia, and their new associate, Gensuke Farseer >are NEPHLITE: --stuck in a different tense. > at a table in the best restaurant in Tice, discussing the >things they’ve been doing since the Dark Star thing was over. ZOISITE: Dark Star? MALACHITE: Oh, you know. The Dark Star thing. JADEITE: Maybe it's Dark Helmet. >During the course of the meal Lina asked "So how do you know >Amelia, Gen?" > > > >"Oh, Gensuke is my new suitor! He’s so romantic!" JADEITE: [singing] She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends... > was Amelia’s >quick reply > >Gensuke spat out the Kokori MALACHITE: KOTORI!!! > Fruit Daiquiri he was indulging in >and snaped at Amelia saying "Excuse me? Scince when was I ever >your suitor?! I only said that because I needed some information you >have!" ZOISITE: [Gensuke] I didn't ask for a fiance! MALACHITE: I almost like this kid. He has common sense. > >Amelia looks like she’s about to cry when much to everyone’s >disbelief Gen starts to comfort her. It was like his attitude did a >complete 180 turn. They would have believed it if he snapped at her >lightly, but his tone of voice seemed that he genuinely, outright >hated her. So it was very hard for them to believe that he was >comforting her. ZOISITE: I like this... an awful lot... JADEITE: Nephlite, we're losing them. NEPHLITE: I know. > > >"Gensuke, you yelled at me!" Amelia whined as tears started to >sprout from her eyes. > >"Shh...I’m sorry, just stop crying please." He said in a very sweet >and gentle voice. Lina felt sorry for Gensuke, he obviously didn’t >know about Amelia’s clumsiness or her devotion to the person she was >in love with, but it made Lina wonder why he did that. He >changed his attitude so suddenly, one moment he was yelling at >Amelia, the next he was comforting her. MALACHITE: Sounds like someone wants to be Rumiko Takahashi. JADEITE: It's The Charm all over again. > She figured she didn’t >have to worry about it. After all he wasn’t the one paying for all >of this great food, just most of it. [Zoisite snaps out of the trance.] NEPHLITE: [sotto] Good. > >"So Gen, what drove you to say that you were Amelia’s suitor?" asked >Zel trying to change the subject. > >Gensuke looked up, rather annoyed at the fact that Zelgadis had said >it in a way that sounded like he enjoyed being Amelia’s >suitor, but he sighed as he said, "Well, it’s a long story, ZOISITE: [Gensuke] ...but at least I didn't get engaged to *Phil*... >but I have the time" > >Lina and Gourry were curious about this too and decided to listen in >as Gensuke began to tell of how he came about being Amelia’s suitor. > >"Well, to clear everything up first and foremost," he began, "I must >tell you that I am an agent of the legendary Epocrathy." JADEITE: The what? ZOISITE: Apothecary? > >Lina looked at him in astonishment. "This kid can’t be an Epocrathy", >She thought to herself, "The Epocrathy are an elite force of demon >hunters, NEPHLITE: [Yohko] One hundred and eight generations! MALACHITE: Any relation to the Sorcerer Hunters? NEPHLITE: [sotto] Bakuretsu. > and you have to be at least 16 to join them, and even then >they might not accept you." She recalled receiving a letter when she >was younger informing her that the Epocrathy wanted her to join them >when she became 16, however she told them no. ZOISITE: [Lina] As much as I wanted to go to the Tower of Sorcery... > >"And I know you are wondering how I can be one," he continued, >"being that I look like I’m only 14. Truth be told I’m 18." > >"WHAT?" Gourry interrupted "How can you be 18? You’re even shorter >than Lina!" Lina promptly gave him a good, strong punch to the gut JADEITE: About time! >knocking the wind out of him. Then Gensuke continued, "I got a >mission to eliminate a sorcerer MALACHITE: [sotto] Whips and chains. > who holds one of the 7 pieces of >Shabranigdo, and got information that he once was a Royal sorcerer >under Saillune." > >"Damn it! Another piece of Shabranigdo? JADEITE: They multiply like rabbits! > What is it up to this time?" >Lina thought to her self, "And who was it in this time?" She was about >to ask Gen when he ordered another drink for himself, something called >Soulstorm Brew. NEPHLITE: That sounds like a good idea. ZOISITE: I don't know. Do we *have* any alcohol around? NEPHLITE: I'll have to check. MALACHITE: One way or another, I'm with you. [They leave.] -- Zoisite scanned over the contents of the shelf. She read each of the bottles' labels: "Noncola. Root beer. Carbonated cola. Watered-down cola. Mineral water. Bottled mineral water. Generic seltzer. Flat root beer. Soda. Cold cola. Pop. Orange-flavored cola..." Standing beside her, Nephlite muttered, "This is what happens when you don't pay for product promotionals." He took a drink from one of the many unlabelled colas. "At least this isn't like Cruel Lina's Thesis," Malachite told him, "Those characters were all stuck with one beverage." He grinned in an evil way, for he had done a promotional *his way*. Turning from the refrigerator, Zoisite sighed. "Sorry. No beer," she said quietly. "That means..." Jadeite said, thinking it over quickly, "we'll have to make do without it. There is another substance we can use that is just as effective. Do you know what I'm saying?" Malachite placed his hands together. Thinking just as hard, he whispered, "You don't mean..." He gasped at his own idea. The face of Jadeite suddenly turned dead serious. "Yes," he said, "Break out the Pocky." -- TO BE CONTINUED... immediately! I hope you enjoyed this one. It was a lot better than the author made it out to be. This fic definitely beat Party Crazied. -Alan December 12, 1999. e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime writings: fanficoutlet.tripod.com ...Featuring /negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com Stinger #1: >‘Lina’ refers to Liana Inverse,