--Alan -- Nega-Hell 7.2. It keeps going. ################################################################## MST: New Slayers, part 2 Nega-Hell 7.2 Original by Gensuke Farseer Treatment by Alan ################################################################## "Ooooohhhhhh..." Zoisite moaned. "Oooooaaaahhhhhh..." Malachite moaned. From across the recreational room, Jadeite soberly added, "No more Pocky. No more Pocky!" Nephlite, as he sneered at those who didn't know everything, slowly got up from his seat. He turned on the television. "Gilligan's Island... more Gilligan's Island... Voyager... Muppet Babies... Looks like nothing's on," he said. Still clutching their stomachs, the lovers continued to moan and groan. Nephlite turned off the television, then asked Jadeite, "What do you think? Can we tackle New Slayers with only two?" "No," replied Jadeite. Nephlite took a second to think. "Then we will have to drag our comrades into the theater," he said. His gaze turned to Malachite and Zoisite. The stargazer's smile was quite evil and devious. The lovers gave him one reply: passing out. "Such a pity," Jadeite whispered, "such a pity that they can't join us!" He received an evil eye from Nephlite. The smarter general said, "It isn't a pity, Jadeite. It's a burden for us. We will have to drag them in." A second passed. Jadeite put two and two together. "Oh," he said. With that out of the way, they dragged Malachite and Zoisite by their feet. It was time to get to work. -- Door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order is all too familiar. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] > >"Geeze, that’s the guy’s 5th drink tonight, he drinks almost as much >as Naga did!" she thought, remembering Naga’s drinking problem. NEPHLITE: Problem? Naga has problems? ZOISITE: Ugh... MALACHITE: Problems with... too much Pocky... > >"Anyway," he continued, "the only way I could get in was to sign up as >a suitor for the Princess. I didn’t know it was Amelia’s suitor that I >would be, I never knew Amelia was a princess, I only knew she traveled >with you, Lina. Anyway, I got into the palace, ‘borrowed’ the papers I >needed and went to see the princess. She was rather bored with the >others, so I sweet talked her into liking me." JADEITE: That must have been... very interesting. NEPHLITE: I can imagine. [Gensuke] Oh please great Amelia-sama, will you let me fight for love and justice by your side? ZOISITE: [Amelia] Oh... you're too much! > >"She fell for it and I spent a few nights there. It was nice, Amelia is >kind of cute, and I was treated with respect. But one night she said >that we were scheduled to be married in the morning. I didn’t want to >get married to her, so that night I ran off. I kept running and found >myself here. I decided to hide, so I found a bush and did so. I fell >asleep and when I woke up I saw an Orc trying to kill an innocent and >extremely MALACHITE: Ummm... ZOISITE: Give me a second... MALACHITE: --powerful? ZOISITE: Ah... --awesome? JADEITE: --unusual? NEPHLITE: No, you've got it all wrong. Lina is just plain extreme. > cute girl so I killed it with an enchanted dagger. Amelia >found me and well...you know the rest." > >Lina found her self slightly blushing, not noticeably but blushing >still. No one had ever called her cute like that while she was within >a few miles of her, let alone a mere two feet or so. JADEITE: Ahem. Fireball. > However, she >also felt rather annoyed, figuring he was just trying to hit on her >so Amelia would leave him alone, so she decided to ignore that last >comment about her. > >"So...what’s your profession?" Zelgadis asked trying to shift the >subject into safer regions. ZOISITE: Safe? JADEITE: Safer Sephiroth. > >"Oh me? I’m a sorcerer...but I have some talents as a knife thrower >and a bard." He replied calmly. > >"Yes! He’s a wonderful poet!" exclaimed Amelia, "He made a poem about >me and love." She takes about a piece of paper NEPHLITE: "My heart beats for you, my pookie so true..." MALACHITE: Nice quote... > and Gen falls flat on >his face realizing that she wrote down the poem he wrote for her. > >"A day is more beautiful with someone like you, You’re the one in my >life that makes it all seem true. With the sun in the sky and the wind >in my face, I dream of you here wearing a gown frilled with lace. ZOISITE: Could be so pretty... JADEITE: Fairly romantic, but it needs work. MALACHITE: With a few random English words, it could be the theme song. >With all this said, may it be true, these words that I say, when I say >‘I love you.’" Amelia sighs deeply as Gensuke grumbles something about >ever had writing that poem. > >"So why did you think I was cute if you love Amelia, Gen?" Lina asked >in a mocking tone of voice. NEPHLITE: [Lina] You're after Zel, aren't you? ZOISITE: ... MALACHITE: ... NEPHLITE: [sotto] I know. > She figured he’d snap at her saying >something like ‘I could have let you die, you know.’ or simply yelling >‘Shut up!’ at her but his answer greatly surprised her. > >"Why? Because I don’t love her, I love you, that’s why!" JADEITE: I love chocolate! MALACHITE: Ummm... I love Betty the skeleton! ZOISITE: Yeah. Congratulations, Yota. You finally said it... > He replied in >an angry tone of voice, just before realizing his mistake. He >had heard rumors of what happened to people that love Lina, one >particularly believable one was that she casts Ly Briem, and >tortures the poor soul till the ice melts. NEPHLITE: That Heart of Ice. ZOISITE: Nice mixed metaphor. JADEITE: I think she'd simply use a fireball. NEPHLITE: [sotto] Quick recovery... > He just hoped the rumors >were false. > >Lina was blushing again, noticeably this time. She felt that this time >he was going to far with this. "Well, I can’t say the feeling is >mutual!" yelled Lina as Gen was flung high into the air by a well timed >Dil Brando. JADEITE: Yay! MALACHITE: Right through the roof. That's ten points. > > [=] > >Gensuke woke in a cold sweat. He struggled to retain a near vanished >dream he just had. He was standing in a corridor and there was a man >standing at the other end of it. ZOISITE: [man] If the chick does not break out of its shell... > Suddenly the man smiled and stabbed >himself with a knife and fell to the ground still smileing. Gensuke ran >over to the person and looked at him. Suddenly the man changed into a >woman, then he woke up. NEPHLITE: If they poured cold water over Gensuke, what would he become? MALACHITE: Not Futaba. > >He looked around the room, he almost got a nose bleed after seeing Lina >in her night-wear. Then he remembered that after he landed Amelia >forced him to sleep with her...and he accepted, JADEITE: Pain! ZOISITE: It could be worse. It could be Rezo. MALACHITE: It could be Zangulus. NEPHLITE: It could be Miwan. MALACHITE: Ouch! Nephlite wins. > taking the chance of >being able to sleep near Lina tonight. "I wonder if she always does >that..." JADEITE: That... NEPHLITE: Well, Amelia does her speeches even while asleep. Remember that Next episode at the hotel? ZOISITE: Lina fought back. Ouch. > he thought as remembered the killer backache he had after >landing from Lina’s Dil Brando, "And why did she ask me if I was Black >Fox? I don’t even know who he is." . JADEITE: Should we? MALACHITE: He's just an obscure character from a manga episode or two. > His eyes fixated on Lina’s >sleeping body as he thought. > >"Oh, wow. She’s even cuter when she’s sleeping!" he thought. He always >dreamed of sleeping with Lina, and this was good enough for now. ZOISITE: Gensuke or Happosai? I can't tell the difference. >Then he decided to do something only a fool would attempt. He walked >over to Lina and bent down at her side. Then slowly but surely he came >within an inch of kissing her when he felt a kick hit him in the gut. NEPHLITE: Virgin alert! >He almost was hit by a punch to, but he ducked away realizing that Lina >was a restless sleeper. He sighed with sorrow, figuring he’d never be >able to kiss her now, as he went back to his bed. He almost got back in >when he noticed that Amelia was sleeping in it. With another sigh, this >time one of annoyance, he wandered over to a chair and fell asleep as >he sat down. MALACHITE: That's good. Better sleep. ZOISITE: Sleep is always good. [Nephlite gags.] > > [=] > >The next morning he was up at sunrise and realized that he had slept in. >Everyone else was sleeping but normally Epocrathy wake while it’s still >dark outside. He sighed figuring that it was because of what transpired >earlier this morning. He went down to the bar and ordered a bottle of >his favorite breakfast drink, JADEITE: Beer! > Dragon’s Milk with a twist of Wernt Root. >It cost him 5 gold pieces but it was more than worth it...even if it’s >quality was somewhat under par. NEPHLITE: Naga samples yet another hot spring. JADEITE: [snooty] Rather on the middling side. > He sat down at a nearby table sipping >at the sweet and bitter drink in his hands. He took a moment to >appreciate the calm silence of the morning before ordering everything >the bar had in the way of food, three times. MALACHITE: Incredible. He actually fits in with the regular cast. NEPHLITE: Only Martina, Sylphiel, and Zangulus are allowed to be "forward" in their relationships. > His timing was perfect, >for just as he finished his daily bowl of rice and some meat, Lina and >company rushed down, somehow found him and began to eat. > >"I’m sorry," ZOISITE: [weak] Gomen nasai... > He said as sweetly as he could while Lina was starting to >finish up the rest of the food, "I’m sorry about yesterday.", but Lina >ignored him, continuing to eat. He tried again saying "Please forgive me >Lina. I’m truly sorry for what I said yesterday." > >Lina lifted her plate away and bluntly replied, "Can’t you see I’m >eating?". MALACHITE: Good answer. JADEITE: Home is where the food is. > >"Will you forgive me if I buy you more food?" He asked in his most >meekly of voices. > >Lina seems interested in this offer and defiantly said "Sure, If you buy >me all of this.". ZOISITE: He's dead. NEPHLITE: They did this to Amelia. Looks like Gensuke's gonna be the tagalong comic relief. > She gave Gensuke a defiant look as she >tossed him the menus for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, and even the >wine list. Gensuke gives her a happy smile and calls the waiter. > >"2 of everything on these menus please." He says as he hands the waiter >the stack of menus and smiles. JADEITE: [waiter] That's all? > >The waiter looks at the menus and back at Gen saying "E-E-everything? >TWICE??" to which Gensuke nods and gives the waiter a single gold piece. > >After the food comes and Lina and Gourry eat their fill, Gensuke pays >with a few gems MALACHITE: Spare cash. ZOISITE: Spare cash for refinancing, dear. > and says "So...Lina..." he started to say, >trying to get a conversation going, "did you really destroy all those >demons the rumors say you did?" > >"Yeah." answered Lina with a surprised look. Most people claimed that >they were the ones that killed those demons. "That was me." > >"How hard was it to kill all those demons?" Gensuke asked curiously, NEPHLITE: [Lina] Ever heard of a person named D? I beat his best time. JADEITE: They went through the demons like it was a Hackmaster game on steroids. >hoping that this would bring him closer to Lina. > >"Actually demons aren’t hard to kill at all." replied Zelgadis > >"Yeah," continued Lina, "The only ones I have ever had problems with >were Joyrock, Shabranigdo, Gaav, Fribreezo, Zanafer and Xellos." MALACHITE: That's all? >Upon hearing those names Gensuke spat out some of his Bloodgrass Tea in >shock. > >"Hey Gen, what’s wrong?" Asked Gourry. > >"Lina...you killed all of those demons?" Gensuke asked, completely >oblivious NEPHLITE: I like him that way. ZOISITE: Nephlite... you're evil. NEPHLITE: Of course I'm evil! > to everything around him except for Lina. > >"Yes, I am the one." she announces proudly to Gensuke. "And each was a >dramatic battle in which the heroine, me, won against impossible odds!" MALACHITE: What would Amelia say? JADEITE: She is woman. Hear her roar. >Gen just sat there amazed. He knew Lina was a great fighter, but not >that great. "Y-y-you just said you killed 5 of the world’s major >demons..." He staggered, not paying attention to Lina’s description of >each battle. "Not to mention a demon Lord!" > >"Well I didn’t kill Xellos yet." ZOISITE: Too cute. JADEITE: Never kill amusing people. > Lina admitted, she actually liked >Xellos, sometimes. > >"Well...I think we should be going." Gensuke says as he stands up. He >was disappointed, he expected her to say she killed all of them. "Got >allot of work to do, NEPHLITE: ...fanfics to write... > collecting treasure and mystical items while >hunting down the demon lord." > >"Oh, Gensuke! I will join you for the cause of peace and justice!" >announced Amelia as she stood up on the table. JADEITE: Crash! MALACHITE: Splat, splush, crack. > The sound of her voice >made his eye twitch with annoyance. "I hope she’s joking." he thought to >himself. ZOISITE: Gensuke, *who* did you sleep with? > "Mystical items...Maybe I’ll find a cure for my curse. I’ll go >too" Chimes in Zel as he also stands. MALACHITE: Since when has Zelgadis been this stupid? > Lina gave this idea a once over >then stands as well, holding Gourry by the shirt "Come on Gourry! The >more treasure we have, the more money we have...And the more food we >can buy!" > >"More food? Where?" JADEITE: Got Food? ZOISITE: Got Gourry? > Asks Gourry as he starts to look around for more >things to eat. > >"Then I guess you’re all coming too huh?" Gensuke asks, "Well then, the >Chief Inquisitor of the Epocrathy MALACHITE: No-one expects the Chief Inquisitor of the Epocrathy!! NEPHLITE: Thank you. > thanks you for your assistance in >this matter." he finished with a tone of annoyance. He hated using that >speech, but they required you to say that if the general population >decides to help out. > >Lina gave Gensuke a look that chilled him to the core as she said, "And >Gensuke. Next time you try ZOISITE: The speech? MALACHITE: The third season, my love. > to kiss me in my sleep, I’m going to beat >you within an inch of your life... Then Dil Brando you. Got it?" > >Gensuke was taken by surprise by this comment of Lina’s and decides to >try to explain saying, "Well...umm... NEPHLITE: It's not what you think! JADEITE: Ahem. > I didn’t think you’d notice and..." > >Lina interrupted him saying "WHAT?? YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO KISS ME IN MY >SLEEP??" ZOISITE: Huh? NEPHLITE: She must have been speaking theoretically. > >Amelia gave Gensuke a sad ‘kicked puppy’ look then pouted, "Gensuke, why >did you try to kiss Lina in her sleep and not kiss me? Gensuke, you’re >mean!" JADEITE: He's dead. MALACHITE: Very dead. > >"This is going to be one of those long trips, isn’t it..." Gensuke sighed >as he ran out of the room followed by an angry Lina and the rest of >them. "I hate long trips..." > > > MALACHITE: So you have it. NEPHLITE: It'll be one long, strange trip... > > > ZOISITE: Let's go. I still have to work off all the Pocky. NEPHLITE: Fair enough. [They leave.] -- Once again, all four generals were sprawled about the rec room. This time, however, the television was on. The program was, of course, "It's a Wonderful Life." Zoisite looked at the television, stars in her eyes, and sighed. "I just love this movie," she said. Nephlite, meanwhile, had a rather different expression on his face. He repeatedly made gag motions with his thumbs. "I wish I were dead," he muttered. "You know what," Malachite said, as he turned down the volume, "We shouldn't be sitting around watching old movies. I still need to finish my holiday shopping. Does anyone want to go with me?" His beloved didn't respond. She only said, "Oh... Louie..." "Very good idea. I'd do anything to get out of here," Nephlite quickly said. He sprang to his feet, and left the room. Malachite glanced at Jadeite. "What about you? You've been quiet up until now," he told the less-than-bright general. Turning away from the television, Jadeite told his fellow general, "I'm not very good at shopping. Every time I see a mall, I want to go back to my old tricks." It took only a second for Malachite to figure out what this meant. "I understand," he replied, "That's why we're going to... the Nega-Mall." "The Nega-Mall?" he asked, repeating the phrase. "Yes," Malachite informatively said, "Your one-stop shop for all monster goods and evil merchandise. I advertise it only because I own stock in it, mind you." Without a word, Jadeite stood up. He shrugged, and left the room. Meanwhile, Zoisite continued to stare into the television vacuum. Malachite shut it off, yet she didn't notice. "It looks like I'll be a few minutes, guys," he shouted to the others. To Nephlite and Jadeite's surprise, the door to the rec room shut--seemingly by an unseen hand. -- TO BE CONTINUED in the holiday special... featuring "How Ganon Stole Christmas" -Alan December 12, 1999 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime writings: fanficoutlet.tripod.com ...Featuring /negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger #2: >"A day is more beautiful with someone like you, You’re the one in my >life that makes it all seem true. With the sun in the sky and the wind >in my face, I dream of you here wearing a gown frilled with lace. >With all this said, may it be true, these words that I say, when I say >‘I love you.’" "Watase: Artist for the boys' comic, Shonen Perv."