--Alan -- Nega-Hell 9.1. Be careful to hide the food! ################################################################## MST: New Slayers chapter 2 Nega-Hell 9.1 Original by Gensuke Farseer Treatment by Alan ################################################################## The four generals stared up from their card table. All eight eyes were transfixed on the tacky clock above Beryl's throne. As the seconds creeped by, they said in unison, "Five... four... three... two..." Right then, an image flashed in Zoisite's mind. She saw a burning black meteor... a vast, isolated desert... a rag-clad figure lurching toward a single pine tree... "One... Zero!" The lights didn't go out, because Beryl had a Mac. "Happy new year!" all the men said. Zoisite just sat there, shivering. "Unfamiliar millennium..." she whispered. No one watched her. Everyone else continued to clink glasses, whether they had champagne or lenses. *** "Happy new year, peons," Beryl said, sneering at the generals, "You made it through a few months... but this is where the real test begins." They weren't even looking at her. From his seat by the wine-stained card table, Jadeite said, "That's nice. Can you just send us into the theater as usual?" The queen quietly groaned. She knew their ways all too well. "No. We need to do something halfway interesting beforehand," she told them. "Very well," Malachite said in between yawns. He stood up and said, "My love was mentioning that she had some ominous premonitions. We thought you could help us out, since you are more evil than us." Beryl kicked back in her throne and considered the idea. "No. Don't know anything," she offhandedly said. "Such a pity," Zoisite said, making her voice loud so as to seem facetious, "Wouldn't want to miss out on a single plot development. Perish the thought! How could I--" The queen just glowered at her subjects. "I've got a job for you today. It's the second part of New Slayers. Now be quiet and get into the theater!" She immediately retreated behind her barrier. Nephlite smiled. "Such a pity..." he whispered. "Time to go," Malachite said, as he walked to the door. -- Traditional door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order is, even in a new "millennium," the same. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] > >Chapter 2 > > "One more order of those fresh shrimp, please!" shouted Lina. It was her >fourth helping tonight, but Gensuke was paying again, NEPHLITE: [Lina] Pay up, peon. > so it didn’t really matter to >her. Much. > > Gensuke sighed as the words left her lips. Lina ate too much, was grouchy a >lot, and had blown him up several times in the past week, ZOISITE: That's why people compare her to Asuka Langley. MALACHITE: Do you? ZOISITE: Of course not! > but he still loved her. He >didn’t know why, it was just they way he felt when she was near him. Ever since >that fateful day so long ago. JADEITE: Cue the Gratuitous Flashback. > He lost his thought as he saw the rest of the group stand and turn to >leave. He through down a few coins and walked after them. Their journey was not >doing well. JADEITE: Steve Perry? How'd he get here? NEPHLITE: Thank you so much for that. > They had no leads what-so-ever, they needed a clue badly, and >Gensuke’s back was starting to act up on him. > > He sighed as he turned his gaze to Lina. "So where are you going?" he asked, >hoping that if she was going to her room that she would invite him in with her. MALACHITE: I wanna get [Megumi Hayashibara] lucky! > > "To my room of course. It’s late and I’m tired after a full day of walking." >she replied. > > Gensuke took a deep breath in as he thought, "Yes! Maybe I’ll get to sleep >with her tonight instead of Amelia!" . ZOISITE: This is really, really disturbing. NEPHLITE: What _was_ Amelia thinking? > As the thought of sleeping with Lina >raced round his mind, Amelia popped up and shouted "Yay! Time for bed! Come on >Gensuke!". NEPHLITE: Oh, goody. She's gonna strangle him with a dozen teddy bears. MALACHITE: Tonight the part of Gensuke will be played by P-chan. > > Gensuke’s spirit turned to stone and cracked in half. He sighed "Another >night with Amelia." he thought "How do I put up with it? Sure she’s a calm >sleeper and all, but she hugs me like I’m her teddy bear or something." NEPHLITE: He said it! [Nephlite falls forward. He hits on the floor, and is now half-conscious.] JADEITE: Uh-oh... > > [=] > > They went to the rooms they were renting, Lina and Amelia in one and Gourry >and Zel in the other. Amelia dragged Gensuke into the room with her as usual. >They all went to sleep, except for Gensuke. He wasn’t very tired. He decided to >stay up and guard the room. MALACHITE: Setup. JADEITE: Setup. ZOISITE: I'm just worried... > > The hours passed and just as Gen was about to fall asleep he saw the door >open and a strange man dressed in the outfit of an assassin entered the room. >Gensuke’s eyes widened as he realized that this man was his one of his Epocrethy >brothers, MALACHITE: Giving new meaning to "brother's keeper." JADEITE: Nephlite? Are you doing well down there? NEPHLITE: ... > Kage, but something was a miss. JADEITE: No, no. This is a solid gold hit. > Kage looked up and leapt for >Gensuke’s throat. Gensuke blasted him with a Mono Volt to stun him but it >didn’t work very well. > > "Kage! Stop this!" ZOISITE: [Kage] Sayonara, samurai! > Gensuke yelled as Kage >jumped at him once more. Gensuke dodged as he saw his friend begin to speak. MALACHITE: [Kage] So it's come down to this, brother... > > "Kill Lina. Kill Amelia. Kill Gourry. Kill Zelgadis. Kill Gensuke!" ZOISITE: [Kage] Must... kill... family... > was all >Kage said before leaping at Gensuke again. The commotion was enough to wake up >Lina, Zelgadis and Amelia, for as Lina and Amelia woke up Zel was already at >the door. > > "Who are you? What do you want?" MALACHITE: [Zelgadis] Before I kill you, there's just one thing... JADEITE: Do not say that. Never say that. > yelled Zel as he prepared to throw a >flare arrow. Just as suddenly as he came Kage disappeared in a cloud of smoke, >leaving the bewildered group alone in the room. > > Quickly Gensuke turned to Lina to check on her. MALACHITE: Tonight the part of Gensuke will be played by Shun Mitaka. [Nephlite crawls back to his seat.] NEPHLITE: What'd I miss? ZOISITE: A really cheesy fight scene. Oh, and Gourry's nonappearance. > "Lina, you o..!" Gensuke >said just as his nose suddenly burst with blood and he quickly turned around to >clean it up. Lina looked at herself and saw that she was only wearing her >pajamas as usual and, realizing what happened to make Gen’s nose bleed, JADEITE: Not a punch in the face, I take it. >covered herself up blushing and ready to blast Gen again. She almost casted a >fireball NEPHLITE: --to fix his role in the cast. > at Gen but she saw he was comforting a crying Amelia. She sighed, "I >don’t want to hurt Amelia," she thought, "I only want to hurt that perverted >Gensuke!". Her thoughts were interrupted as Gensuke was leaning over her again, >this time smiling. MALACHITE: The smile of sleaze. > > "Gensuke you...!" yelled Lina as Gen put a finger over her mouth and quieted her. NEPHLITE: [Gensuke] Sore wa himitsu desu. > > "You’d better get some sleep." He said just as sweetly as if he were trying >to comfort Amelia. Lina calmed down a lot as she heard his soft voice. There was >something about his voice this time that calmed her down. She couldn’t quite >explain it. MALACHITE: The voice of sleaze. ZOISITE: Who can explain it, who can tell you why? > > Lina looked up and was about to say something before Gensuke said "Night Lina! >Sweet dreams." JADEITE: [Gensuke] Sweet dreams are made of _me_. > and went to sleep on a pair of chairs, before Amelia garbed him ZOISITE: Forcing him to wear clothes? Huh? >and dragged him into bed with her. She figured she should have blasted him for >that. If he really wanted her then why did he comfort Amelia? She thought about >it and slowly drifted off to sleep. > > [=] > > The next morning Lina awoke to a banquet of food in the dining room. MALACHITE: That's how you know it's normal Slayers continuity. > It >was like a party was being thrown here. However she saw that no one was taking >food from the apparent buffet table. ZOISITE: Any moment now, we'll be seeing Saygram. > Lina quickly ran to the table but was >stopped by a burly guard. > > "Where are you goin’ little girl?" he asked sarcastically as he stopped her. > > "Why you..." Was all Lina could say before NEPHLITE: --the fireball hit him. > a familiar friendly voice said >"It’s ok they’re with us." The guard looked at them and let them pass and they >saw something they didn’t expect. They saw Xellos sitting on a chair eating >merrily while Gensuke was tied up ZOISITE: Stunt butt. JADEITE: Stunt butt. MALACHITE: Sleazy stunt butt. > and put into a magic seal in the near corner >of the room. > > "Gensuke!" yelled Amelia JADEITE: _Stella!_ MALACHITE: Kirsten! ZOISITE: Tamahome! NEPHLITE: Tetsuo! > as she went to go untie him. > > "He put up quite a fight." said Xellos NEPHLITE: Who'd willingly fight Xellos? JADEITE: Only a stupid person. NEPHLITE: Uh-huh. > as Lina and company sat at the table. > > As Gensuke stood up he yelled "YOU BLASTED DEMON!!!! I’LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR >THAT!" . He dashed at Xellos with a fireball in hand, when he suddenly tripped and >almost dropped the explosive ball of death. ZOISITE: Sheesh. Always keep your fireball on a leash. > He looked back and saw Amelia >desperately trying to stop him. > > "Why are you protecting him?" He asked. > > Amelia gave Gen a sad look and said MALACHITE: [Amelia] Life is wonderful... Life is wonderful... > "Because Xellos-san is a good demon." > > "Impossible," commented Gensuke, "the words ‘good’ and ‘demon’ are about as >compatible as a ‘Sanguine peppers’ and MALACHITE: Direct-to-video. ZOISITE: Discount retail. JADEITE: Special edition. NEPHLITE: Fan fiction. > ‘jelly’ in a sandwich!" > > "Hmm...what does that taste like?" asked Gourry thinking about eating one. ZOISITE: I'll order a Stock-Characterization Gourry, thank you. >Wanting to try one he asked a waiter for a menu so he could look for it. > > Gensuke furiously tried to kill Xellos, but Amelia stopped him every time. JADEITE: No killing at the table! NEPHLITE: [falsetto] Have you been playing with your murder simulator again, young man? >Finally tired of this Lina stands up and stands Gensuke up, looked him in the >eye, and did her best cute-girl act. > > "Gensuke, please don’t kill Xellos, he can help us a lot." ZOISITE: Really? Explain. NEPHLITE: Gratuitous humor. > she said as >cutely as possible. Gensuke happily nods, lost in a daze of thoughts. > > "LINA-SAN!" MALACHITE: Haruka-dear! JADEITE: Lassie! NEPHLITE: Kotori! ZOISITE: Nuriko-sama! > Amelia yells when she sees Lina seducing ‘her love’. "Gensuke, >tell Lina-san to stop that!" she said hoping to get Lina to stop, but Gensuke >didn’t do anything to stop it. In fact he looked like he was enjoying it. JADEITE: [Gensuke] Huh huh huh... MALACHITE: He's going down. > > Saddened Amelia ran up to Zelgadis crying and said "Zelgadis-san, Lina-san >and Gensuke are being mean to me!". She cried for a bit ZOISITE: Just what I wanted. A generic Amelia skit. How nice. > before Gensuke >appears at her side trying his best to comfort her, but this time Amelia’s >feelings were really hurt MALACHITE: [Amelia] You saw the bare skin of royalty! > and before Zelgadis could say anything at all, >she ran out the door. NEPHLITE: Splat! Crash! [Pause] JADEITE: Kids these days... always running into things... > > Gensuke felt horrible and started to chase her into the forest, but he >couldn’t find her. MALACHITE: [Gensuke] Miaka! Uh... I mean Amelia! > His heart sank to think that he let this happen again. He >had hurt a girls feelings before and now she was gone from his life forever. NEPHLITE: Think about it, Malachite: Amelia and Chichiri. ZOISITE: [Amelia] That's... so sad, Kitsune-san... NEPHLITE: [Chichiri] You can stop that no da. >With his head hanging low he walked back to the Inn and went to his room to be >alone while he thought about what to do next. MALACHITE: Try adding commas. > > Meanwhile Amelia was running. ZOISITE: How many of these stories have people running? JADEITE: Search for Kotori. MALACHITE: The Charm. ZOISITE: As well as Masks & Dragons. We're at four and still counting... > She stopped in a clearing. "Why does everyone >have to be so mean to me?" she thought to herself "I was the first to get >Gensuke, why does Lina have to go and try to steal him from me?". NEPHLITE: [Amelia] That little hussy! I'll make her PAY! > While she was >thinking this a dark figure stepped out and ambushed her. [Zoisite groans.] NEPHLITE: What were we saying about Fushigi Yuugi, Malachite? MALACHITE: It's not my fault. I didn't write this. NEPHLITE: But you suggested it! MALACHITE: Forgive me, my love... [Pause] ZOISITE: Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. > Amelia was quick and >dodged the first attack but fell right into the assassin’s trap. A net quickly >closed around her and she was taken down and carried off by the assassin, Kage. JADEITE: [Kage] Ha! I got you in my web! ZOISITE: Why is Gensuke even the star? Kage is a lot cooler. > > > > MALACHITE: Time to go. NEPHLITE: Not until you say you're sorry. MALACHITE: I'm sorry!! [Pause] JADEITE: Very well. Follow me, comrades... [They leave.] -- Back in the throne room, confusion, chaos, and feathers reigned. The generals, however, were sitting in the recreation room. They were watching television, and as usual, nothing good was on. "I don't know about you guys," Jadeite said, as he wearily gazed at the picture, "but I'm really, really bored." Malachite put the test pattern out of his mind, and turned to look at his fellow general. "You're going to have a tough time explaining that to the readers," he said. Just then, Nephlite groaned loudly. "Enough of that!" he shouted, "We've acknowledged that we are aware of the audience. Stop it now!" "You have to admit that it's fun," replied Jadeite. He was still fixated on the array of primary colors. From the corner of her mouth, Zoisite said, "You should ask us first." "Yeah, Jadeite," Malachite added, chiming in, "Don't break the wall until we let it fall." Jadeite scowled. "Have it your way," he muttered, "If you want it that way... I won't tell you about Zoisite's premonitions." The room went silent. Nephlite, unlike the others, did not look at the dim general. Instead, he turned to the already-acknowledged audience, and asked them, "Does he know Zoisite's secret? Tune in next time!" At the corner of the screen picture, Malachite appeared. He flashed a smile. -- TO BE CONTINUED in a fic to be named later. -Alan January 14, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime writings--in transition: fanficoutlet.tripod.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >He sighed "Another night with Amelia." he thought "How do I put up >with it? Sure she’s a calm sleeper and all, but she hugs me like I’m >her teddy bear or something." "So which one's better -- wolves in sheep's clothing, or wolves who look like wolves?"