--Alan -- The double feature continues. A classic short... Nega-Hell style. ################################################ MST: The Return Of Malachite and Zoycite (Part 1) Nega-Hell 12.2 Original by John L Treatment by Alan ################################################ Nephlite sat at his computer desk, typing away. His eyes glared at the screen. "Soon... soon... soon..." he whispered, repeating himself for the third time in as many fics. As a note of exposition, it wasn't normal for Nephlite to repeat himself so often. These days, however, his sanity was a bit strained. Regardless of that... As he created the HTML for his beloved Yamiko, he heard a knawing sound in the background. It was like the sound of a thousand beavers. "Crunch, crumble," the sound sounded. "Go away!" Nephlite said to it, "I'm busy." It didn't stop. It drew closer. Then--and only then--he sweatdropped. "I may be in trouble," he muttered. As Nephlite turned toward the offending sound, his wall burst right open. A dark shape emerged from the new whole. This was not a beaver or any furry animal--it was Beryl. "Greetings, my ronin general," she told him in a low voice, "I am here to bother you." "What have I done?!" Nephlite exclaimed. He fell to the ground, bowing before her. The queen told him, "Shut up. It's time for the evolution of Zoisite. One more brief film, and... she will turn into something quite different." "Ah..." Nephlite replied, as he struggled to stand up, "I see. How may I aid you in the artificial evolution?" She just scowled at him. "Isn't it obvious?" Beryl asked, "You have to leave it all up to me. Just follow your fellow generals into the theater, and I'll cook up a surprise in the meantime." Nephlite considered this for a second. "Oh," he said. "I knew you would agree," she told him, "Now get out. I'll take good care of your dear Yamiko." As the general hurried out, he sweatdropped again. *** "Well, that was certainly diverting," Michiru said. She "plobbed" down on the couch. The three generals took a second to pause, then took their own chairs. "What now?" the woman asked. Jadeite, always one concerned with the outcomes of situations, replied, "I have no clue. After hearing all those funny sounds from Nephlite's room, I suspect we'll be seeing him sometime so--" Right then, Nephlite entered, deus ex machina. "Well, speak of the devil," Malachite muttered. "Sorry, guys," Nephlite told the group, "but it's my turn to take over. Who wants to take a break today?" The four others all said, "I deserve one!" Nephlite sighed. He looked at his peers, and asked again, "Really. We work best in groups of four. So... who wants to stay behind?" He tapped his right foot, waiting for an intelligent response. "I will," Jadeite said quickly, "I'll take a break, if you don't mind." The others shrugged. A moment later, Nephlite said to Michiru, "Welcome to the group, warrior. I hope you'll provide us with some enlightening remarks." Michiru merely smiled. "I'm good at this," she said smugly. "Good?" Malachite said, from a few meters behind the others, "She's the best!" -- Slightly spiffed-up door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A huge tidal wave rushing forward. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The five enter the small theater. The seating order is actually different! From left to right: Nephlite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Michiru.] ZOISITE: Welcome back, Nephlite. NEPHLITE: Thank you. As you can clearly see, I'm glad to be back. >The Return Of Malachite and Zoycite MICHIRU: Funny... where's the intro? NEPHLITE: We're quite fine without introductions. ZOISITE: I hate to say this, but if you're using dub continuity, the name "Zoycite" just doesn't sound right. MALACHITE: At least we're in the story. ZOISITE: Yay! > / Part 1 >By John L > > >A few years ago. After the defeat of Queen Beryl. MICHIRU: The punctuation. MALACHITE: A "few years ago"? >The sailor scouts thought that they had >saved the world from complete doom. MALACHITE: Doom and gloom. ZOISITE: You sounded just like Jadeite. MALACHITE: Really? >Back in the NegaVerse,which was thought to be destroyed. MICHIRU: Thanks to Akira. > >Beryl was very low on energy NEPHLITE: Nope. She definitely died. ZOISITE: Maybe it's a crazy alternative universe story. >and no longer had a army to support her. > > She thought about the last two generals she had to >help her gain the rainbow crystals. MICHIRU: So she was defeated after Nephlite, but before Zoisite? MALACHITE: She wasted all her money on horse races. How should I know? >Yes those last two generals were the lovers Malachite and Zoycite. [Malachite and Zoisite cheer.] NEPHLITE: Hoo boy... >Beryl decided that there would be a all new begining for evil. ALL: Evil! >She used the last of her powers >to bring Malachite and Zoycite back. MALACHITE: Were we dead or not? ZOISITE: Both. NEPHLITE: Trapped in Nega-Purgatory. What a fate... >After that Beryl said her very lasts words to the two generals. MICHIRU: --she rented a cottage in upstate New York. >She told them to be the new rulers of the negaverse and to >spread a whole new evil. ZOISITE: Just like peanut butter. NEPHLITE: ... > Yes Beryl >banished Zoycite before but now she knows to forgive. MICHIRU: Death does that. MALACHITE: When was she "banished"? >Now Beryl couldn't banish them anymore. NEPHLITE: Nor could she send them on vacations. >Malachite shocked Zoycite by > >putting a big giant dome over Beryl draining her of energy. ZOISITE: The Queen in the Bubble! MALACHITE: No, I'm afraid we can't drain *each other* of energy. Try again. >He said "Beryl,for making Zoycite >suffer, you'll shall now suffer. MICHIRU: [Usagi] O-shokiyo! NEPHLITE: [Malachite] You hussy! You'll pay! >''But you'll suffer a more painful death!''. > >As he said those words he shrunk the dome and it mushed Beryl in. MALACHITE: She's been plobbed! >She squealled loudly as you heard her cry for her last breath. MICHIRU: You? ZOISITE: Don't know. Yuu Watase, maybe? > >After Beryl's death, > >Malachite and Zoycite had a big chat NEPHLITE: You have entered #negaverse. Stand by. ZOISITE: Maybe it's Yuu from Marmalade Boy. >about what there going to do to rebuild and create a all >new NegaVerse. MALACHITE: [dramatic] A bold new vision of the future! MICHIRU: I'd say they hold on until the next bunch of villains show up. >The two talked it over during a pleasent dinner. ZOISITE: Cold ramen. Yum. >They had many plans and ideas to create this >all new negaverse. Zoycite thought about a great idea, NEPHLITE: [Zoycite] Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Malachite? MALACHITE: [himself] Yes, but how are we gonna join the FFML? >she thought that they can bring back >Neflite and Jedeite and put them under their control. ZOISITE: Well, "Jedeite" was collecting dust, and they'd already seen where the loyalties of "Nephlite" are. I can't see why they would need *their* help... NEPHLITE: How cold and uncaring. >Malachite didn't really agree with it but he thought a better >plan. They can capture the sailor >scouts and turn them over to the the negaverses' side. MICHIRU: Flawless plan, huh? MALACHITE: Even Jadeite could do better. He could do better even *before* he joined us in Nega-Hell. >Zoycite agreed with that idea but Malachite thought well about >Zoycite's idea. ZOISITE: Thinking... thinking... stand by... > > He said '' I guess it's worth a try." Zoycite replied "Shall I >make the two come back ?'' MICHIRU: [Zoycite] Shall I use proper quotation marks? >Malachite answered " Don't worry,save your strengh." > >"I'll do it." As Malachite used his powers,Neflite and Jedeite NEPHLITE: --were reduced to base elements. Darn. ZOISITE: That was even colder and more uncaring. >came back. > >Neflite said" "That was a big mistake setting me free." MICHIRU: [Neflite] I told you not to touch my corpse! NEPHLITE: [same] I'm evil. Really evil. MALACHITE: [same] Ha-ha! Now I show to you my strongest of the fighting warrior's techniques! >Jedeite said "Yeah,Nef's got a point there!" ZOISITE: So what *is* the point? MALACHITE: He seems a bit dim today. >Before the two tried to attack Zoycite and Malachite. Malachite >flung those energy boomerangs MICHIRU: Not like any old boomerangs, I take it. ZOISITE: They've been infused with [beat] evil nega-energy. >nailing Nef and Jed to the ground badly hurt. MALACHITE: Better get out the dustpan. > > Zoycite then used her powers to hypnotize the two to serve them. NEPHLITE: [Zoycite] Bring me lunch! MICHIRU: [same] I demand unquestioning loyalty! >Malachite then sent them down to earth to spy on the sailor scouts. ZOISITE: As long as you don't send them on attack missions, you'll be quite fine. NEPHLITE: Maybe they could invade The Charm. >Well, before he did that task he erased their memories because of >Neflite remembering those days with Molly. MICHIRU: That, and light, fluffy bagels. ZOISITE: The days of Molly... NEPHLITE: No-one had better mention Yamiko. Yamiko rocks. > He erased all of the thoughts of Jedeite making him think that >he doesn't serve Queen Beryl. MALACHITE: Instead, he serves Shiroi Hime. ZOISITE: Oh princess, must I bring in *all* your groceries? >Finally, the tough part came for Zoycite and Malachite. They >had to create a new army of monsters. MICHIRU: The Bugrom! NEPHLITE: This was a really funny skit in "Alternative World." Don't ruin it. >But Zoycite said " Malachite, we can capture those lousy humans >and turn them to monsters and we can use them to serve us." MALACHITE: Forget that. Try merchandising. >Malachite replied " Yes,that is a interesting idea my sweet." >"Oh Malachite,your so wonderful to me." Zoycite replied. MICHIRU: Miaka... NEPHLITE: Kyoko... OTHERS: Stop it! > TO BE >COUNTINUED > __________________________________ ZOISITE: That's what they mean by vertical horizon. > > Meet us in part 2 to see the countinuing sceams of >Malachite and Zoycite. MALACHITE: I think that's supposed to be "schemes." MICHIRU: At least you weren't in Scream 3. > > > > > NEPHLITE: That was almost too easy. [pause] ZOISITE: Oh, man... MALACHITE: We'd better go. Now. [He leads the others out.] -- Beryl was on the phone once again, waiting for Villains Unlimited to get its act together. "C'mon, c'mon," she whispered, tapping the receiver, "How long is this going to take? I only have all of eternity..." A couple moments later, a live operator reached the phone, cutting off the... well... hellish music. "Can I help you?" the operator asked. "You can help me... and you may help me," Beryl told him, "Look. I've got a problem--and it's thanks to one of your agents!" The man said to her, "Just a second, ma'am. Let's be sure to file a complete report. Which agent of evil did you hire?" Beryl said, "Michiru Kai'oh, also known as Sailorneptune. She arrived just yesterday. The problem is... she isn't evil." The queen brought out her electric razor from a drawer, and held it up to the phone. "I see," the operator replied, "Well, how long did you hire her?" It took a second for Beryl to remember the terms of the contract. "For five days and four nights, sir," she replied, adding a sigh at the end. "Sorry," he said, "Just because we're called Villains Unlimited doesn't mean we're limited to villains. Enjoy your temp, and evil luck." The line then went dead. The queen, too, hung up the phone. "Curse you, Michiru Kai'oh," she whispered to no-one in particular, "I'll get back at you... one way or another..." -- ZOISITE TO BE REVEALED in "Continuations" part 4. -Alan February 22, 2000 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger: >She squealled loudly as you heard her cry for her last breath. "So which one's really better -- wolves in sheep's clothing, or wolves who look like wolves?"