--Alan -- Nega-Hell number 4. Messy, messy crossover. No need for superlatives. ################################################# MSTing: Shiroi Hime, Part 1 A mega-crossover (FY, BSSM, YYH, MKR) Nega-Hell #4.1 Original by Reeny Yuuki MST treatment by Alan ################################################# The secret phone inside Beryl's desk rang. The evil queen then sat up in her chair and gasped. "What's this?" she asked herself, "Someone actually returned a phone call? Next thing you know, the Tucson anime community will dissolve." She then picked up the receiver. "Hell-o," she said, "You've reached the Hall of Animated Degenerate Evil Sociopaths. How can I help you?" The voice at the other end sounded in a wordless babble. Beryl told the person, "If there are no evil people available, then why don't you just send me a *good* one? It'll drive my subjects even closer to the next stage of madn... er, I mean evolution." She cackled slightly at this, for it was fun to be evil. Again, the person replied in an indecipherable way. "Thank you," Beryl said, "Have an evil day." She slammed the phone down with a tremendous bang. It echoed through the small chamber. *** "Thiry dollars lost," Zoisite said, as she stared at her hands, "What am I becoming? Is this really worth it? Should I have reconsidered?" Nephlite gave her the evil eye. Both generals were facing the small television screen in the recreation room. He, however, sat in back of her, lounging in a beanbag, "No need for introspection, Zoisite," he said. She gave him an equally wicked glance. The fire-wielding general told him, "No need for silly stuff, Nephlite. This isn't a Tenchi tape." The far-more-serious general groaned, then sat down. "You paid for the Fushigi Yuugi subtitled tape, import price and all. I assure you, you will enjoy this," he said. "You'd better be right," Zoisite muttered. She inserted the tape into the VCR, then walked back to her seat. Some time passed. Things happened. They watched the show. However, as episode 5 drew to a close, Zoisite's eyes grew larger. She watched in horror as Nuriko was unveiled. And then--when Miaka came to her senses--the general screamed. She shouted, "NOOOO!!" Meanwhile, Nephlite silently cracked up. He knew everything. He knew about Zoisite's former male-ness, Malachite's repressed memories, and Beryl's conspiracy to artificially advance their evolution. From *his* point of view, this was all unspeakably hysterical. Zoisite took that moment to glance back at her counterpart. "I would not do that if I were you," she told him. "Sorry, Zoisite," he told her, bowing, "but from my perspective--" She formed her own Glower of Doom. "Your point of view isn't relevant! What about MY sanity, Nephlite? Did you ever think that this would wound me like a boot to the head--" Suddenly, Zoisite stopped speaking, for Nephlite was staring intently at the screen. She Glowered down at him, and asked, "WHAT are you staring at, fanboy?" The heat of her aura filled the room. "Sorry, Zoisite," he replied, "but something is seriously wrong with the television. I'm not staring at--" The angry general pulled Nephlite right out of his beanbag. "In that case," she told him, "we should be getting back to the throne room." *** All the while, Malachite and Jadeite had been sitting in the throne room, trading absurd stories. When the former saw his lover pull Nephlite out of the adjacent room, he rose from his chair. "My love," Malachite said, "is there something wrong?" "Transvestism and televisions, Malachite," she replied, "Oh, and don't go in the rec room." At that moment, a flash of light burst out of the hall. Jadeite looked toward Beryl's unoccupied throne, then to the theater door. He quietly said, "This would be a good time to retreat." "Fair enough," Nephlite grunted. Though his back was on the ground, at least he had not been dragged for several seconds. "Just don't touch me for a while..." -- Door sequence: #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: A highway leading down to HELL! -- [The generals enter the small theater. The seating order is the same as usual. From left to right: Jadeite, Malachite, Zoisite, and Nephlite.] >Falling into darkness, Shiroi Hime >Chapter 1: Disappearances > > >Fuushigi Yuugi MALACHITE: Now that's an awkward romanization. > Sailor Moon SS Yu Yu Hakusho Magic Knights Rayeath, >sort of X but not X ZOISITE: Do I want to know? JADEITE: Kamui joined the Kangaskans. > and Japan history crossed over really >complicated, the story follows the timeline I set for them for the >time is just too hard to follow: > >"Shiroi Hime, what can I do for you?" I asked as Shiroi Hime called >me to run an errand for her. JADEITE: Oh, princess, must I do _all_ your groceries? MALACHITE: This was your idea, you know. JADEITE: We're working off our evil deeds, aren't we? MALACHITE: ... > "Hoshimi, go to the palace, there >will be strange things happening there." I bowed as I left the room. >Miaka pointed to the shrine where Her friends NEPHLITE: Holy Priestess Miaka summons Her unworthy friends! MALACHITE: Where is this happening? NEPHLITE: ...I... I'm not sure... ZOISITE: Don't know... JADEITE: Don't look at me! > would be visiting, >"All your wishes would be granted there." Miaka said as she pulled >them through the plate of the shrine to the steps that would lead >them up to the building. JADEITE: Steps tend to do that. > "What's your wish? Yui-chan?" Miaka asked a >s she held on to Yui's arm. MALACHITE: [Yui] Peace on earth. NEPHLITE: [Yui] I wish you'd turn on the lights... > "Hopr that that University would >accept me." Yui has attended the most famous and expensive university >in Tokyo. "Of course you can, Why, you are the best student when we >were in our last school." Yui shook her head "No, I'm not so >confident this time, because there are two very strong enemies, JADEITE: Those would be food and sleep. ZOISITE: Not as such. Transvestism is also an enemy. NEPHLITE: ... >the first one is Ami Mizuno, and the second one is Fuu Hououji, both >of them were said to be geniuses of this century." JADEITE: That depends on what century you're in. MALACHITE: Mercury defeated you several times, Jadeite. Just admit it. JADEITE: Yeah, I admit it... but it's Mars who is the best of them! MALACHITE: ... ZOISITE: By the way, did Mercury start a line of golf clubs? > Nuriko draped an >arm on her shoulder "But you are always the genius between us, >especially compared with Miaka..." ZOISITE: How did she... he get here? JADEITE: Herd of Kangaskans. NEPHLITE: I'd rather blame it on Xellos. > Miaka made a face "Okay, I know >I don't have the same grade of intelligence as Yui-chan. Yui, you >should wish for a new boyfriend perhaps." Yui shook her head nudged >Miaka "There are always something more important to me than boys, >since I always have more boyfriends than you." MALACHITE: [Yui] You are weak! WEAK! NEPHLITE: Money's important. Wish for money. > She sighed "And I >still remember how much trouble I had when I have to break up with >my last boyfriend, he did the third act of Macbeth in my living >room, and had my parents all in tears." JADEITE: Uh-huh... ZOISITE: Nuriko makes a good Lady Macbeth. NEPHLITE: Huh? ZOISITE: "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here..." NEPHLITE: ... > Miaka said admiringly "I >wish Tamahome would do that scene in my living room also." >Tamahome frowned MALACHITE: He appears on Holy Miaka's command! NEPHLITE: Give it up, anti-fanboy. > "Are you breaking up with me now? We are just >going to ask for your parents permission that we could marry each >other." "Plus do you know what Macbeth is?" Yui asked teasingly >"No..." Miaka said. Something fleshed before their eyes, something >like glass, like threads of spiders, JADEITE: The dark side of search engines? > but none of them were quick >enough to catch it other than Hotohori, but he was not quick enough >to call them to a halt. All of them stepped through the door and >disappeared as a strange force pushed Hotohori down the steps. MALACHITE: [Hotohori] Stupid escalator... >"You're taking us to see a tourist sight?" Lantis asked as Hikaru >held his arm "Yes!" she smiled at him Lantis guessed "Where is this? >A Shinto Shrine?" NEPHLITE: Strangely enough, there's a Buddha statue there. MALACHITE: Yosho, Rei Hino, and Kagome's grandfather are all sitting around, waiting for someone to show up... > Hikaru said "No, I'm not that educated! Plus I >never liked to go to religious places, it gives me the shivers." >Lantis asked "Don't tell me its the Hagen Dazz's ice-cream pallor. ZOISITE: Ice cream makes him pale? MALACHITE: So does German. >You last time tricked me by saying that it was a must-see-site, and >I ended up having to buy you ice-cream and queuing up for it." >Hikaru said "Actually that was not my idea, that was Umi's idea." >Lantis said "Then where are you going to show me? Tokyo Disney?" >Hikaru shook her head "Why do you always have to think that I'm so >childish? I'm eighteen now!" MALACHITE: Does that mean-- ZOISITE: *No, it DOESN'T*! JADEITE: Thank you. Otherwise, I would have asked. ZOISITE: ... > Lantis said "Your body grew little so >I thought your mind grew little also." With this he laughed. >"Still I like going there though,Okay! I'll give you a final guess!" >Hikaru said a little crossly at Lantis for poking fun at her size. >"Somewhere that even someone like Ascott would accept in going..." >Hikaru said "Guess, I'll give you a big clue, NEPHLITE: [Hikaru] One word--movie theater. MALACHITE: [Ascott] Funny... where's the popcorn? > remember, how did we >get to Cefiro?" Lantis frowned "By going to the what Towers..." >Hikaru said "What is the name of the city?" Lantis said "Tokyo... >Tokyo Towers!!" JADEITE: [deep] Hikaru... go to Tokyo... your destiny... is waiting... ZOISITE: But I thought Hikaru was embarrassed by Tokyo Tower. > Hikaru jumped up in delight "You have finally >guessed it! You're not really good at riddles! I'll play this sort >of games with you more." Lantis said "See if I will ever played with >you." Hikaru said "I seldom win in this kind of games. JADEITE: I take it she doesn't... [singing] play the game tonight... NEPHLITE: Forget it. Just forget it. > Fuu is the >one who wins it most of the time and Umi's the second, both of them >were awfully good at this art." Lantis smiled as he touched her >cheek ZOISITE: I'm genuinely shocked. An actual romance scene! > "It was hard for you just because your brain is still not >matured." Hikaru said "But you're the one who lose this time." >Lantis asked "And what did I lose?" Hikaru said "This..." as she >pulled him down and kissed his cheek gently. ZOISITE: Ah... NEPHLITE: [sotto] She has the soul of a woman... like Nuriko... > "They have finally >come." Umi said rather impatiently. "Umi-san, do you think that >being late is actually better than not coming at all? Though we >have waited for nearly fifteen minutes?" Fuu said, smiling. JADEITE: [Fuu] Did I say something silly? MALACHITE: Fuu would have no problem waiting for Godot. > Umi was >dressed in a sleeve less blue cotton frock in sneakers while Fuu >dressed in a light green skirt with a white sleeveless top and ankle >high boots. Ferio asked "Do you want to wait for me fifteen minutes >every time we had a date?" Ferio said as he put his arm around her >shoulders. JADEITE: Thud. ZOISITE: He is so unromantic that it isn't funny. > "You are the one who have to wait fifteen minutes." >Ferio said "The last time I wait for you is thirty miutes, you >actually forgot our date!" he said this a little crossly but still >it was a happy memory. Fuu blushed "I'm sorry." Ferio said "You >don't have to apologize for that." Umi sighed "How could you two >be so patient. If Ascott made me wait more than five minutes, I'll >surely dump him straight." MALACHITE: Is there another way to dump someone? ZOISITE: Don't say *anything* else. MALACHITE: Believe me... I wouldn't. NEPHLITE: ... > Ascott blushes. Umi patted on his hand >"Don't worry, I'm joking." "How's your exams? That University was >really hard right?" Umi asked Fuu. Fuu smiled "Well, it seemed to >be hard but there was a certain way to answer all of them without >one of them wrong. I got five hundred that means full marks with >another two candidates Yui Hongo and Ami Mizuno. NEPHLITE: Do we really want to see this rivalry? JADEITE: If it erupts in a deadly chess game, I'm leaving. > They were really >tough to deal with, but I think I would spend a good time with the >three of them. At least Ami Mizuno seemed to be nice, Yui Hongo >seemed to be a bit ambitious but she would make a good friend." >Umi sighed "Hikaru and I decided to take a break before going >straight to university." MALACHITE: She *wants* to be a ronin. ZOISITE: How odd... > Hikaru called "Sorry to be late!" Umi >rolled her eyes "We saw you from that distance," she pointed to the >way where Hikaru was coming from "And you spent three minutes to >come here that means we have been waiting for you for eighteen >minutes." NEPHLITE: [Umi] Oh, one more thing... Dear, I'm timing you. ZOISITE: How romantic. > "I'm sorry!" Hikaru said again. "Let's not waist time >now, we'll go in straight." They walked in the gate. Something >flashed just as they were about to mount the escalator to the >highest floor. Suddenly they all felt a force, "What is this?" JADEITE: Gravity. MALACHITE: Emeraude is presumably dead, so who could it be? NEPHLITE: She's back from the dead, and she's summoning them to Hell Cephiro, where they will... JADEITE: ... >Umi asked "A force was pulling us in..." Fuu replied as Ferio held >her, but he was was being sucked in. "I can't breath..." Hikaru >said as she held on to Lantis. "Pluto, is something wrong with the >past?" Chibi Usa asked running to the door of time. MALACHITE: *That* was sudden. NEPHLITE: Since when has Chibi been able to just drop by Pluto's door? MALACHITE: Since never. ZOISITE: This is just too much. That's the third crossover, and there haven't been any clear paragraph breaks! MALACHITE: Very well then. Let's leave. JADEITE: Agreed! NEPHLITE: Just let me *walk* out... [They leave the theater.] -- "Welcome back, Kotters," Beryl said cheerfully. From her throne, she looked down on the four generals. Curiously enough, a grin was on her face. Malachite immediately groaned. "What is it now?" he asked. The queen laughed loudly. It was the sort of laugh that makes one flee a room. She told the quartet, "Nephlite, you were very wise to show that 'Fushigi Yuugi' episode to Zoisite. For though she has duly punished you for the pain you caused her... there is an upside to that!" "Should I ask?" Nephlite meekly asked. Beryl pointed to the recreation room. No light was streaming from it now--it was eerily silent. "Are you familiar with 'Video Girl Ai' and 'Oh My Goddess'?" the queen asked. All four said "Hai." As they said the foreign word, they simultaneously nodded. This only caused the generals to bump heads. "Good," Beryl replied, "For, like in those series, you have summoned a person from a different reality. However, this one is no innocent, cloying woman... and not even a foul-mouthed, small-chested creation! Hope you enjoy the person's presence!" With these words, she shut herself off from the rest of the room. The generals exchanged glances. "Uh-oh," Nephlite whispered. As they turned to look at the recreation room, a person stepped out of it. The individual wore short, purple hair, earrings, and a red- pink Chinese robe. Upon first glance of the generals, the person asked them, "You were just watching me, weren't you? You made fun of my habits, didn't you?" "NURIKO-SAMA!!" Zoisite exclaimed in all-caps, "I... I didn't mean any of it! I idolize you, and I've long since built a tasteful shrine to you..." Nuriko walked across the room, smiled, and smacked Zoisite on the top of her head. "Don't you worry," he said, "I won't hurt you... too much!" At that moment, Nephlite passed out... face-first. -- TO BE CONTINUED immediately! -Alan November 3, 1999 e-mail: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Anime writings: fanficoutlet.tripod.com Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com The "Macbeth" quote comes from an online text version of the play at . If anyone recognizes "Funny... where's the popcorn?", let me know! "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. Stinger #1: >Miaka pointed to the shrine where Her friends would be visiting