--Alan -- My 3rd anime MSTing. This time, the target is... myself. (Woo hoo!) ##################################################### MSTing: Though We Tremble in the Night An alternate-universe NASM story An alternate-universe NASM MSTing Original and MSTing by Alan (the former INTO; also known as John Alan Riggs) ##################################################### The time: 1995 A.D. The place: the crumbling ruins of Queen Beryl's throne room, somewhere in the Negaverse. The story: Beryl set the glass jar of ashes on the ground, and kicked it into the wall. As the audience of three behind her moaned in sympathy, the former ruler cast a spell on the mess she had created. A second later, while his comrades looked in his direction, Jadeite came back to life. The newly resurrected general looked on his allies with cold, wounded yellow eyes--but unlike Ryoko from the "Tenchi" OAVs, he was nekked. "Yeah! Go for the full Molly!" Nephlite yelled. The star- gazing general fell on his side laughing. He hated the sleazy blond Nega-leader as much as anyone else, and thought it vastly amusing that his counterpart had been once again humiliated. "Strip down to nothing!" he shouted. For half a second, Jadeite glowered at the black-haired man. Just as quickly, he dashed off to his changing room--for he wasn't exactly proud to show off the less- than-impressive anatomy of his new body. Her eyes glaring ice crystals, Zoisite stuck her tongue out at Nephlite. "You're so immature," she told him, "We should be grateful that we actually have bodies now... even if this is NEGA-HELL." As she said this last word, she made an Oni-on-Drugs sort of face. "Actually," Beryl said, with her own face caught in a sour-lemon grimace, "that's basically what this is. We're all dead, and things are about to get a lot worse." With stiff steps, she walked to her throne. Malachite, his chin in a hand, thought, (Sounds like any number of White Wolf products.) Taking Zoisite with his other arm, he told her, "Don't worry, my love. I'm sure that we can endure this." She nodded. To him, she whispered, "Nothing really bothers me... that is, nothing except Jadeite. We might have too... you know..." (Hoo boy, here they go again,) Nephlite thought, (What is this now, conspiracy number seven? I wish they'd stop it.) He sighed, and looked toward Beryl. "Your majesty," he said, "What are we to do in Nega-Hell?" The queen, from her gray, crumbling throne, replied, "I have plenty of things for you to amuse yourselves with. For starters, I've found an odd little story called 'Though We Tremble in the Night.' It's familiar ground for you--yet changed just enough to be painful." She laughed like a machine gun would, spilling gusts into the chamber. The three generals exchanged glances, and came up with a shortage of currency. Just then, Jadeite dashed back into the room, with his uniform on. "Hey, what's going on here?" he shouted to the others. "Enjoy it, my former servants," Beryl said, as she pressed a button on her chair that lowered a metal screen around it, "and think of this as a method of doing penance." Her face was posessed by an evil grin. Immediately, the throne room was filled by the pealing of a thousand shrieks and screams. The four generals went into superdeformed mode (mind you, this is not something easy to do), and scrambled about the floor, searching for an exit. Slowly, a red door formed, where once the Negaforce had stood. They ran inside... *** Door sequence under construction... #6: A shower of ice crystals. #5: An elevator door, opening to nothing but blackness. #4: A prison gate, barred by thick chains. Falls apart. #3: A waterfall. The camera pans outwards. #2: A television screen, which sizzles and explodes. #1: Just an ordinary road, with red cones by the side. *** [The generals see before them a small theater. Though a bit shocked at the sudden change to script, they take four seats in the front row. Naturally, the lovers are in the middle. Nephlite is by the aisle, and Jadeite is next to Malachite.] >Sailor Moon: >Though We Tremble in the Night >By Alan > >1: The Day Has Finally Arrived Jadeite: Good morning, everyone. Nephlite: Welcome to Nega-Hell, Jadeite. Jadeite: That sounds like fun... Zoisite: Why did I figure he'd say that? Malachite: Don't mind him. > > With the dawn, the sun rose. It was the first >day. Zoisite: Huh? That doesn't make... Malachite: Don't concern yourself with it, my love. [The two draw closer.] Jadeite: (grumble, grumble) > The five Sailor Scouts were gathered in an >abandoned trailer. Each one held a bowl of lukewarm >ramen in her hands Nephlite: Ah, ramen. The preferred food of college students everywhere. Jadeite: You're right--and I have a brilliant idea. If we can embue ramen noodles with Nega-energy... Malachite: You be quiet. Jadeite: Oh yeah. We're in Nega-Hell, right? Malachite: Bingo. > as they discussed their plan for >action. Meanwhile, Luna and Artemis prowled the >grounds outside the rusty vehicle, ready to ward >off any unwelcome visitor. Malachite: Yeah, right. I beat them without a scratch. Zoisite: You never told me about that... Malachite: Technically, you were dead at the time. > As the rising sun glinted >off more and more of the broken-down trailer, Nephlite: Hey, it's the Final Fantasy VII set. > time >fell through the hourglass. > > "Look," Leda said through her gritted teeth, Jadeite: She's having grits and hominy. Zoisite: Huh? [Quickly, Malachite comforts Zoisite.] Nephlite: What's with "Leda"? This writer must think he's Ken Arromdee. >"Raye and Serena - stop it! It won't matter who >Tuxedo Mask's true girlfriend is if he dies. Back >on track, however, I think it is our place to Jadeite: --stay in the kitchen. Nephlite: You're a real funny guy, Jadeite. Real funny. Zoisite: Your death will be just as amusing. >infiltrate the Negaverse and rescue him. Hell, we're >not invincible, but I think there's a way. How >'bout that, Amy?" she asked of Mercury. Zoisite: Wait a minute... you can't talk about them that way. It's either one or the other. Malachite: Don't question things so much, my love. Zoisite: It's healthier than just shooting them down. I learned that the hard way, huh? > Finding an opening in the welcome silence, Jadeite: I think that was a Manfred Mann album. Zoisite: The author can't remember which season he's writing about. Haven't seen that in a while. >Amy stated her idea: "Maybe, maybe," she said >placidly, "But getting out of Nega-space is far >easier than getting in. Malachite: Hardly! Still... proper identification will get you past the gate. Jadeite: [deeply] There's no way home... > Indeed, our lad Malachite >and his superior keep rather good tabs on their >territory. Even if I could calculate the >specifications needed for an entry into their >dimension, they may well catch us in transit. So, >girls, Zoisite: She doesn't talk like that in *any* version. Nephlite: Mind if I nod off for a bit? Jadeite: Yes, we do! > if we could first deduce a method of evading >their eyes, then we can move along to the actual >jump." She turned her glossy eyes to Raye, then to >Mina, then to Leda, Zoisite: --then to Alex and Michelle-- Malachite: --then to the Pink Menace-- Nephlite: --then to Sailor Orion and America-- Jadeite: --then to Iron Mouse and Aluminum Siren-- > and finally to Serena. > > "Ah, this whole thing is full of crap," Raye >said Jadeite: [while sniffing] She was always my favorite. Nephlite: Stop it. > as her right fist rocked the mock table, and >continued on by pointing out, "There's no point in >sneaking in. They damn well know we're coming - Jadeite: Boom chicka boom bow bow... Zoisite: Looks like Crystal Knight had a hand in this. Jadeite: Like I just said-- Malachite: You *be quiet*! >we might as well get it over with." She glanced at >the others. Leda and Serena were nodding in >agreement. "Now that we have a majority, I'll go >grab the cats..." Nephlite: --along with chips and dip-- Malachite: --some peanuts and Cracker Jack-- Zoisite: --candles and a tablecloth-- Jadeite: --beer and Hackmaster books-- > > Then and there, Mina stood up, leaving her >ramen on the dirty floor. The often-quiet >entrepreneur Zoisite: Huh? Malachite: I agree, my love. That description might apply to Nanami from "El-Hazard," or that sleazy merchant from "Ruin Explorers," but not her. Nephlite: Funny--I thought *I* was the anime fan here. Malachite: I just collect sekkushiaru roman stories. Zoisite: That sounds inter-- wait a minute... > and Scout firmly said, "Oh, no. Just >stay seated - all of you - until I have stated my >position. I don't give a shit All: Woah! Nephlite: Looks like Mina got tough. Zoisite: You go, girl. Yay. > about Darien or >Tuxedo Mask or whatever. All I want to see is >Beryl's bloody carcass. Jadeite: Hey, you won't hear me arguing with that. Malachite: What? Jadeite: She kept cutting back my paycheck! Nephlite: Pretty measly, huh? Maybe you should've worked for the Japanese CIA instead. Others: What? Nephlite: Sorry. I'm probably the only person who's read Viz's "Wasted Minds" mini-series recently. > ...Do you get what I'm >saying?" Mina asked of the others, all of whom were >shell-shocked from her words. Throwing her hands up >in despair, she shouted, "DAMN! All I want Zoisite: --is to feel this way-- Malachite: --is to rule the world-- Nephlite: --for Christmas is my two front teeth-- Jadeite: --is youuuuuuu... > is to get >to the source herself, blow it all to hell, and get >out. I've got a normal life, like Serena, and I'm >gonna get back to it." With her intentions revealed, >Mina slumped over and sat back down on the cold >metal floor. Zoisite: Hmmm! Our alleged FF7 connection has been confirmed. She's acting just like Barret. Nephlite: Let it go. We're posting this about a week before the debut of the next game in the series. Nobody's gonna care. > > Amy felt her stomach turn over. This was >going straight down, like a roller coaster out of >control. Zoisite: Another one of your Nega-traps, Jadeite? Jadeite: No... never thought of that one... Zoisite: Great! I just gave him another idea. Comfort me, Malachite... > "I'll just get our transportation program >online," she calmly said, "Raye, do retrieve Luna >and Artemis." She ducked into her computer. Nephlite: She's turning just plain pathetic. Mercury has a social life, you know. Malachite: Nephlite no da. Nephlite: Huh...? --Shut up, Malachite! > > Serena, shaken by the sudden silence, brooded Jadeite: Popular pastime in this story. >over her dilemma. She was leader of the Scouts - >though certainly not by choice - and with her >friends divided, what was she to do? Malachite: What shall she do for the one she loves? > If they left >her Darien to die, there would be no hope for the >future for her - no, for any of them, if Luna was >right. How could the other Scouts - Venus, >especially - betray their own destiny? Racked by >indecision, Jadeite: --she decided to play tennis. Get it? Others: Aaaagh... Jadeite: Well, on the bright side, her love-love affair will end. Others: AAAGH! > Serena set down her paltry meal, and >gave voice to her thoughts: "I know that you want to >get this done and over with - but before we do >anything stupid, Zoisite: Too late, girl. > we gotta get some stuff straight. >Someone *must* rescue Tuxedo Mask - and if I have to >do it alone, I will. If we don't get him back, all >hopes for a normal life will become moot." Zoisite: What does THAT mean? Nephlite: Don't worry... it's just an obscure Ranma reference. Zoisite: Someone should throw *her* into a Jusenkyo spring. [Malachite coughs quietly.] > Left with >only her words to defend her cause - and what were >words? - Serena silently returned to her ramen. > >(Heh. And this from the shopaholic, the crybaby. >Didn't see this one coming,) Raye thought. Nephlite: At least *one* of them is acting in a mature way. Jadeite: I always liked her the best... Malachite: Here he goes again. Pathetic! > "Don't >you worry," Raye said to Serena plain-facedly, "I >know he's important to our cause - it's just that >we've got one hell of a battle ahead with Beryl. >We're definitely going to need the powers you >posess as the Moon Princess." Jadeite: The power of PERVERSION! Zoisite: Umm, excuse me? Jadeite: Next-to-last scene of the R movie. The bad guy, though no lover of women, gets quite a view. Zoisite: This time, I won't kill you. > The acolyte then >left the trailer to get the cats ready. > > Seeing that Mina was still sulking, Leda >walked over her way. Respectfully seating herself >next to the celebrity, Malachite: [Leda] Can I act in a *more* self-effacing way? > Leda coughed, and bitterly >said, "Really now, Mina. You don't have to get pissy >on us. We're all on the edge of exploding in anger, Nephlite: That's Tom Servo's shtick! >so don't start provoking anyone here. That goes >double for Serena - you don't know what she's really >like." Zoisite: How's that? Malachite: Well, my love, she has a whine that can shatter glass. Zoisite: True. I don't think most people know about her inability to aim at anything. Jadeite: If you've read some of the things I have-- Malachite: You be quiet. > The orphan tried to catch a glimpse of Mina's >shaded eyes, but she inched back when Sailor Venus >burst out of her croutch, glowering back at Leda. > > "Damn. Goddamn. Nephlite: Notice how little Japanese this story has? Zoisite: Yes. Nephlite: This is the way the author makes up for it. Zoisite: Grrrr... > Can't I have a minute of truth >for every goddamn hour of lies you feed me?" Mina >said, her two fists driving into the rough metal >floor, "At least you - all goddamn four of you - get >to express yourselves. Malachite: Overnight delivery. > And in the meantime, I'm stuck >with being the cheerleader, the kawaii one, Nephlite: Very well. I was wrong. [quietly] Shoot me... > the blond >ditz. Since that's how you want me, I can't tell you >about the fricking hell I went through. Even Artemis's >supposed to keep this vow of silence, 'cause otherwise >it'd spoil my reputation." Zoisite: Big deal. Now tell me something new. Jadeite: Spoiled rotten... Malachite: Like cottage cheese on the carpet. Zoisite: She's long since gone bad. Should've joined us. > After hitting the cold floor >once again, Mina suddenly stopped talking - and the >room went silent. Serena, Amy, and Leda each were >struck with the crude blows Jadeite: Brutal attack! > of her words, but they knew >that the newest team member was justified in releasing >her rage. Nephlite: --against the dying of the light. Malachite: Notice how he used "team," not "Scouts"? Zoisite: Yeah. Hmmm... Nephlite: It's just like the Canadian episodes! Zoisite: "Canadian episodes"? > > Just as Serena whispered, "Oh, crap...", Raye >walked in, the two cats following close behind. All >three wore sober, pained expressions. Within a minute, >Artemis saw Mina, and he came to her to nuzzle up. Nephlite: [Mina] P-chan, you're back! > No >words were wasted. > > Her eyes regarding the others coldly, Raye >gruffly said, "To the Negaverse it is. You'll have to >come within a meter of Mercury." Amy tapped a button on >her visor-computer, and a sphere of darkness Jadeite: --forced her into a black hole. >surrounded her. In an instant, Amy Anderson was gone, >and the journey began. > > > > Zoisite: Hey... it's over! Jadeite: Woo-hoo! Malachite: But only until the next time... Zoisite: Not if I can help it. I've got a cunning plan. Jadeite: Oh, really? Zoisite: Just listen for a minute or two... [Pan out. Reverse door sequence. Back to normal prose!] *** "Sorry, Beryl," Malachite said as he lay back in a chair, "I didn't think the story was all that painful. However, it gave me a terrific idea. Watch as Zoisite changes the backdrop." The silver-haired general smiled. From her throne, the former monarch watched the drab backdrop transform into an even more drab backdrop: that of a rusty, abandoned trailer. She snickered quietly as Jadeite entered with a sword tied to his back--one so large that it reached to his knees. The female general followed, apparently with balloons taped to the upper chest part of her t-shirt. Nephlite was last. His costume was a large yellow blob with eyes that consumed half of the face. In short, he looked like something a not-so-clever fox would transform into. "What ARE you, Nephlite?" she asked. From deep within the confines of his costume, Nephlite yelled, "I'm supposed to be Cait Sith, but all I could find was this blowfish!" "And now," Jadeite said, wheezing and sighing, "the world's last-ever FF7 crossover/fusion skit." He felt a sweatdrop overwhelm his face. Zoisite walked close to Beryl's throne and bowed down, revealing her faux cleavage. (The balloons were red.) "Oh, almighty Sephiroth, please don't kill me!" she shouted. All the while, she threw her arms into the air, attempting to look panicked. Beryl was already quite impressed. "So, I get to be Sephiroth, huh? Kinky," she said, between laughs. "I will defend Tifa with my life!" Jadeite screamed. He plodded toward the two women. Each step brought another heavy drop of sweat. Standing stone-still in his blowfish costume, Nephlite asked himself, (What am I supposed to do?) Fully into her Method-acting routine, Zoisite shouted, "Oh, you dirty, dirty... man! I can't take it any longer, Cloud. I'll kill him myself." She crouched down, and executed a Rider Kick (TM), twirling a complete three hundred and sixty degrees in mid-air. Then, while breathing to cool down, she looked at her target. Beryl was still there. The balloons were on the floor. Faux-Cloud was on the floor, from an extreme lack of... what would be a good way to put it... stamina. "Not wise, Zoisite," Beryl said, twitching her fingers, "I don't suggest you try that again." The queen turned toward the camera crew. She told them, "And you--what are you doing here? Get lost!" The next thing they knew 5#$@A-GD)~!>SA^G}{+ -- IN CONCLUSION... Though I had to develop an entirely new setup, I've finally finished a new MSTing. Any and all commentary will be appreciated! -Alan (September 1, 1999) / Anime writings: fanficoutlet> "Sailor Moon," and everything associated with it, is copyright 1992-7 Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, Kodansha Comics, DiC, Buena Vista, Mixx, Pioneer, and others. The idea of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1989-99 Best Brains, Inc. Feel free to distribute this fanfic/MSTing, but please don't remove my name from it, and don't try to make money off it. > "Ah, this whole thing is full of crap," Raye said