Sailormoon Pie

A Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon Spamfic
Saturday, in the eyes of one Tsukino Usagi of Tokyo, was a good day. Even though she was not especially happy to be in the first season of her self-titled anime, she didn't mind too much. The day began in the typical fashion, as young Usagi ran downstairs from her room to the breakfast table.

"Ohaiyo, Shingo-san," the would-be superheroine groggily said to her younger brother, all the while seating herself at the Formica-coated table, "Is something unusual going on? I heard a nasty little rumor, Shingo-sempai... that you've been set up to marry someone!" she said with a giggle.

His mouth hanging open, Shingo stared mutely at his older sister. "I don't *think* so," he said, aghast, "You've been talking to your cat too much... you'll become like her." He went back to concentrating on his breakfast.

A few moments later, Usagi's mother interrupted their conversation. Coughing lightly, she asked, "What are you planning to do today, Usagi-senshi? If it's going out with your friends--"

Completely ignoring her mother's unforgivably bad use of Japanese honorifics, Usagi replied, "Exactly!" in a happy voice fitting her goofy demeanor.

Following a loud groan, the older Tsukino female continued, "It's just that I've heard of some strange 'goings-on' that they do. Are you sure..." she said, slowly trailing off as she realized that her daughter was, mentally speaking, in another dimension.

With an innocent, gooey glance at her mother, Usagi replied, "I don't know what you're talking about. Well, I gotta go before I start crying!" she told her family as she was halfway out the front door.

After running down the street to the next intersection, the odango-atama realized she was still dressed in her nightgown and fuzzy slippers - a definite fashion statement to be sure, but not one that she wanted to make. Trying to remedy the problem, she pulled out her pen of disguise. "Now that no one's watching," she said, then at the writing instrument, "I wish to transform into... a different magical girl!" All the while, Usagi clutched the object close to... um... anyway...

The next thing she knew, Usagi was clad in a garish outfit - the skirt was short as hell, and the top definitely didn't accent her pubescent features. "Well... at least Sasami's pretty cool," she mused, and then took off towards the Crown Arcade.

Several minutes later, the heroine very nearly hit her head on the glass doors of the arcade. Now very attentive, Usagi looked around - and sure enough, there was a sign conveniently posted on the door. It read, :Arcade is closed due to PTA pressure. A 'certain' meeting will be held at a 'certain' religious building, and the 'certain' people who should read this know damn well who they are.:

Well, Usagi thought, looks like I get a mini-tour of Juuban. Not feeling tired for once, she ran toward the Hikawa Shrine.

Several more minutes later, Usagi found the other four inner Senshi and Rei's grandfather standing outside the gates of the building. "Well, it's about time," Rei said bluntly, clicking a button on her stopwatch, "Oh, by the way, the PTA also closed down the temple. I'm not bitter about it, though... but you'll be seeing my resignation form tomorrow." She stood tall and strong, looking very much the disgruntled miko.

"Getting back to business," Ami said, sitting down on the concrete and letting her very-short shorts not disguise the anatomy of her legs, "We owe Osaka-san a couple psychiatry sessions. Ever since that last Dark Kingdom youma attacked her, she's all but lost control of her chi. I take this as a bad thing... do you not?" she asked loudly, hoping that they would catch her hint.

Even as Rei's grandfather gave the raven-haired one several wide-eyed stares, Makoto's eyes were fixed on Usagi. "If I have to kick another youma's ass, I want someone to get *me* in *mine*," she said with a growl.

Minako stood there in silence. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing there - the last she had heard, her role was only to help the Senshi at the last minute, just prior to their final confrontation with the Dark Kingdom. It was probably Artemis' fault - he was known for his ability to send mixed messages, and he had been the one who suggested that they play "telephone." Regardless, Minako was happy to be silent. She knew her place, and that place was to be the brooding, mysterious one.

Suddenly, Usagi's headpiece started beeping, which was rather alarming, especially considering that she did not recall having activated her henshin sequence. Startled by the noise, she signaled for the Senshi to step a little closer to her... not that they came, but it was the thought that counted. Regardless, now they could all hear a truly disturbing noise - Umino screaming his head off.

"Alright, time for me to be the emergency dispatcher... for a price, at least," Ami loudly stated, typing something away rather rapidly at her computer, "Umino-chan is... fifty meters to the east. Or, for those who must know, inside the temple." Ami began feeling a tad startled herself at being in close proximity to someone lonelier than herself.

Scratching her head, Rei declared, "I have nothing to do with this," and sat down on the job (so to speak). Then, upon seeing the recently transformed Sailorjupiter dash toward the temple at full tilt, Rei shrugged and said, "Oh, well." With only a moment to pause for her own magical girl sequence, Sailormars followed the Senshi of thunder inside.

Just about then, Minako realized that it was time to go into action, for she would look cooler that way. Trying her best to be terse and yet irresistably attractive, she asked Usagi, "Ready? Yo, minna henshin!" Oh, shit, what have I just said? And I thought the honorific troubles were bad!

Curiously, Usagi was bent over. Minako, though obviously seething with anger, retained her cool expression, even as Usagi lovingly said, "I just found a... moon pie... on the ground. Oh, man, I've always wanted to try American junk food..." Slowly, and with a waterfall of drool coming from her mouth, she began to remove the wrapper.

Just as Ami was about to warn them of the lack of profitability in ignoring their friends, the Hikawa Shrine exploded. For the next several seconds, pieces of its walls, ceiling, and floor flew through the air. Thirty seconds later, all that remained was two small pillars of salt.

Ami yelped, and for the first time in her life, voluntarily let her computer drop. With it went several MB of Mizuno-kun's private spreadsheets and files. Needless to say, Minako remained calm and collected, even as the shadow of one damn big youma came over them.

"Moon... pie..." said Usagi.

The End

Back to Home Page!

Back to Welcome Page

Mandatory Geocities Link

This is a not-for-profit fan page. It was last updated, by John Alan "I.N.T.O." Riggs, on September 15, 1998. All standard disclaimers, found on the Index, apply.