--Alan -- REPLY/IGNORE/DESTROY ###################################################################### Sailormoon and the Holy Grail A silly fusion spamfic, Japanese continuity Scenes 0 - 2 ###################################################################### Alan (John Alan Riggs) presents... Sailormoon and the Holy Grail [Navigationista Moon y la cuppa sacra] Written by Alan In association with the SM Fanfic ML Geocities Tripod Xoommail [Escribo' que Alano] Based on The "Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon" TV series The English-dubbed "Sailor Moon" series The like-named manga series by Naoko Takeuchi [Hace del] Posted April 9, 1999 [Puesto] Not to be reproduced, stolen, or otherwise reproduced without permission. [Hijo, permission sure is dificil to get?] Please refer to the "Miracle Disclaimer" on my Fanfic Outlet webpage. [I once posted a fanfic based on a Raymond E. Feist book, and I got into a heap of trouble.] This fanfic is loosely based on a few S episodes, several wasted hours of Web research, some rumors, and my own imagination. Its time frame is indefinite at best. [A week later, two lawyers started harrassing me. After they threatened to send the Antiglinano brothers after me, I took it back.] ...I apologize profusely for the poor subtitles. The gremlins who made them have been downsized. [Fan fiction is supposed to be illegal in 27 of the United States, but that was a bit much.] I apologize again for the problems with the subtitles. Those who downsized the people who were just downsized, have been downsized. The primary influences for this fanfic: Megane 6.7 "B" Jon Carp Switch Mark "Dark Day for Anime" Page The Lord of Angst Writing instruments: Microsoft Notepad Angst Pencils Weyerhauser Angst Division The writer of this fanfic hired to continue the credits after the other people had been downsized, wishes it to be known that he has just been downsized. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at even less expense and with even less effort. this = SPAMFIC!! is STOOPID like U!! not U take!! TAKEUCHI's!! -- Scene 1: ENCOUNTER! Cherry Blossoms in the Air, Inanity in the Heart. -- [Wide camera shot of an urban landscape. From the far end of an empty Tokyo street, Haruka and Michiru slowly walk toward the camera. They are hand-in-hand, and to emphasize the attraction between them, a CLAMP-style flurry of cherry blossoms surrounds them. To the far right on the set is the Crown Arcade. As Haruka and Michiru approach the camera, it rotates to include both the pair and the arcade in the shot.] Haruka [facing Michiru]: Well, we've finally arrived. It's about time, too. According to my calculations, the Silence will strike in approximately... Michiru [cutting in]: Six years, eight months, five days, and an hour, Haruka-dear. Haruka: ... [sweatdrop] [The pair now face the arcade. The viewer sees a side-angle shot, covering only the territory between the lovers and the arcade. Motoki suddenly walks out of the building's door, and sees the two women, who are still enveloped in the pink swarm. He intensely stares at them.] Motoki: Are those cherry blossoms? Michiru: Precisely. Otherwise known as sakura, the flowers are widely acknowledged to be symbolic of love and romance. Their purpose... Motoki: I didn't know you could get cherry blossoms around here. Are they really Japanese? Michiru: Most certainly. Indeed, they are a tradition-honored symbol of this nation and its culture... Motoki: That's very nice. But I don't recall that they can be found around here. If my memory serves me right, we haven't had that sort of symbolism since 1969. [A brief pause. The three people look each other. None of them flinch.] Michiru: That was... odd. Haruka: ... [sweatdrop] Michiru: You said it, Haruka-dear. I'm quite sure, if *my* memory serves me right, that this isn't a Viz product. Motoki: True, that did sound a bit like some of their phrases... But does that have anything to do with anything? Michiru: Not really. Motoki: Well, I'll pick up where we left off. Where did you get your cherry blossoms? Haruka: According to what I recall, the blossoms were from... Michiru [cutting in]: You mean the Osa-P floral shop, at the Jakasedon intersection, Shinjuku district, prefecture C, Tokyo, Japan, Eastern Hemisphere, Earth, Haruka-dear. Haruka [sotto]: Thank you so much... Motoki: But how do you get the blossoms to float or fly about you? It's most curious to watch. Haruka: ... [sweatdrop] Michiru: Odd... I'm not sure. Motoki: Do the blossoms rotate on axes about you? Do they revolve on their own free will or volition? Do they have miniscule mechanisms directing their flight? Do they... Michiru [quietly]: Come, Haruka-dear... let us leave this place. Haruka: Hai! [With one quick motion, Haruka nods. The pair stroll off, their cloud of cherry blossoms in tow. Motoki stays where he is, still muttering his list of questions.] -- Scene 2: PLAGUE! The Art of Proper Conversations, and Much Impressive Posing. -- [The wide, worshipper-lined steps of the Hikawa shrine. Grandfather is walking down them, towards the camera. A wide smile is on his face. To each side of him are silent, still Shinto believers, minding their own business.] Grandfather: Bring out your beds! Bring out your b-- OUCH! [Rei charges out of the door of the Shrine, and hits him upside the head. She has a very angry look on her face.] Rei: GrAnDpA! Grandfather: Hey! Don't beat up your elders. Rei: [sotto] Pervert. [From the left side of the sound stage, Haruka and Michiru enter.] Michiru: Pardon us, friends... just toddling on through. Grandfather: Bring out your beds! Haruka: [sotto] Bastard. Rei: Hang on a second... You over there! You agree with me? Haruka: ... [sweatdrop] Michiru: Come, Haruka-dear, we must be going. We have *no time to lose* in our search for the Holy Grail. Haruka: Michiru-honey? Our mission's supposed to be secret. I think it's your turn to speak ellipses and to eggdrop. Rei: Ms. Haruka? I was trying to address you... Michiru: Hai... [sweatdrop] Grandfather: Excuse me? Is "to sweatdrop" a proper verb form? All: Shut up! Grandfather: Hai... [sweatdrop] Haruka: Now - back to you. It would seem that since you are in the garb of a traditional Shinto shrine maiden, that you are indeed one. Is this true? Rei: Yes, it is. I will now properly introduce myself. [An animated fire background pops up from behind her, as she goes through a series of animated poses.] Rei: I am Rei Hino, age 14, otaku! What's more, I am the pin-up queen of T*A girls' school. My blood type, however, is none of your business. [The shrine background reappears.] Haruka: That was intriguing. Michiru-honey, feel free to introduce us to Ms. Hino. Michiru: Well then! I am Michiru Kai'oh, and I appear before you in beauty and radiance! [quick pose] For the record, I am an acclaimed violinist, though I still live on seaweed and crackers. And my ego isn't quite as massive as it might seem. Now... as for Haruka... Haruka: ... [sweatdrop] Michiru: Oh, stop that. --As you can see, she has an odd habit of becoming embarrassed at random, unpredictable times. I can't make heads or tails of it. Beyond that, Haruka-dear is one psycho chick. She usually says she's the beautiful and excellent Haruka Ten'oh, or some crap like that. However, I think she's got some personality complex at this time. Haruka: Stop that! Rei: Very well then. Some minutes ago, you were saying something concerning some sort of Holy Grail object, or some sort of thing like that. Please continue. Haruka: Hai. [sweatdrop] Grandfather: That's getting rather repetitive, you know. All: SHUT UP! Michiru: Yeah. Um... anyway... Haruka: Yeah. Um... anyway... the Holy Grail. Yeah. Michiru: Um. Heh, we were looking for it. Haruka: Indeed, Michiru-honey, we were. Michiru: Ha, ha. Indeed, we were. It is to laugh. Haruka: Ah... heh heh. [sweatdrop] Rei: Do stop stalling, friends. You know what I want. Michiru: Um... Team Outer's blasting off again? Haruka: No. Michiru: I knew that. Let me try again... Rei! Why are you so mean to me? [burst of tears] Rei: ... [sweatdrop] Haruka: Ha! We have her now. Michiru-honey, commence the dirty work. Michiru: Dirty? I'm not a dirty sort of woman. Haruka: Quite irrelevant, dear. Michiru: Were you referring, perhaps, to the Dirty Pair? Haruka: Certainly not. You *know* what I mean, you over-sillified blue-haired backbiter! Michiru: 'Tis well. You got me there. Stand by... Rei: Excuse me? Are you trying to pose again? Michiru: Heart crystal thieving... action! [She reaches out and grabs Rei's heart crystal.] Rei: Um, excuse me? Watch the hands! Haruka: Hold still, dearie. We'll have you done and out in a moment or two. Rei: [sotto] Bastards. Michiru: ...Right-o. Got it. Let's huddle, Haruka-dear. Haruka: Indeed. [The two Outers put their heads together, and the camera focuses on them.] Haruka: What do you make of this one? Michiru: The crystal's twenty percent tainted. Not much good. Haruka: That's the trouble with fansubs. Michiru: ... [sweatdrop] That was... irrelevant. Haruka: True. But it was fun. Michiru: Hai. [They break their huddle, and the camera returns to the previous setup.] Rei: Hey, guys - I'm bleeding here! Michiru: Right-o. Thanks for your patience. Let Doctor Kai'oh patch you up. Rei: [sotto] Egoist. Michiru: [sotto] Dirty woman. [Rei's heart crystal is returned. A moment later...] Rei: [brightly] Thanks! Now, may I follow you in your wacky, irreverent adventures? Haruka: Maybe. If we feel like it. What's your opinion on this matter, Michiru-honey? Michiru: Ah... perhaps, perhaps. But - if you will, Haruka-dear - we really should be going. Wouldn't want to... um... er... lose track of time. Haruka: Yes. Yes, that is right. [Quickly, Haruka and Michiru exit. They run down the stairs, and flee the soundstage.] Rei: Hey! They didn't wait for me... Grandfather: That's because-- Rei: I didn't ask for your opinion. Now bugger off, before I get angry at you. Grandfather: What a rude, insolent child! [Rei hits Grandfather over his head with a hyperdimensional hammer.] Rei: Grandpa no baka! [In a hurry, she scuttles off. Though the soundstage only shows the shrine, we hear a door slam.] -- THOUGHTS IN CLOSING: I don't believe that anyone has ever written something like this before. There's a similar one based on the Ranmaverse, but this combination seemed much more obvious to me. For those who were wondering, I'm already at work on the next scene. As this project continues, I'm planning to release scenes only two or three at a time. That way, it shouldn't seem too thrown-together. Well, what do you think? With my last two works, I got a pretty impressive response. This time, I hope to hear from a few more of you, if that isn't too much to ask. -Alan