--Alan <ChrOtaku@xoommail.com>--

Venturing through different continuities! What will the neighbors 
think?

#####################################################################
Spells R Us: Japanese Chronicles, chapter 1
By Gregg
A "High Ones' Palace" MSTing
By Alan (John Alan Riggs)
#####################################################################

In the vast void of space, there was a ship of heroic, determined 
adventurers, out to right any injustices in the galaxy. Fortunately, 
that has nothing to do with this story.

Michael Nelson and two of his ever-goofy robot friends looked out into 
the vast black wasteland. The ex-mechanic tapped on the invincible, 
clear plastic panel that covered the bridge of their latest vessel/
prison. Quietly, he said, "All this universe switching... all these 
bad fan fiction works... all the strange cameos... it really makes you 
think about some big things."

Awed, Crow looked up towards the human. "You really think so?" he 
asked, dropping his metallic jaw.

"Well, no," Mike replied. After waiting a moment, he continued, 
"Still, you will have to admit that this is the oddest setting that 
we've been in thus far. I mean, we're in a castle that's flying 
through space. Our bad guys... er, gals, consist of an Internet lamer 
and an elf who's shut in a glass tube. They don't come much stranger 
than that."

Tom, jumping around on his strings (um...), looked towards the small, 
circular viewscreen at the bridge's far end. He said, "Well, I'm not 
so sure about that. We *could* still be in the Satellite of Love, but 
paired up with Dr. Forrester's mother, a monkey, and an alien with 
unusual intelligence." He coughed lightly.

Interrupting, Crow said, "How likely is that to happen?" He put up his 
small, semi-functional arms.

With a shrug, Mike sighed. He told them, "Hold on - no fighting right 
now. We've got an incoming message from Aeka and Karen Kasumi..." With 
that, he pushed the Button with No Specified Color.

***
Roberta's feet were propped up on a large console of buttons, lights, 
and switches. She sat in a gray-walled room, filled with much more 
technological gear. Several meters behind her were three figures. Two 
were tall, lithe elves - one male, one female - holding a conversation 
over a coffee table. The other was yet another elf - but an extremely 
tall one. She was imprisoned in a glass tube, and her scantily-clad 
body slowly bobbed up and down. Quietly, Roberta muttered, "There's a 
few benefits in having IRC..." but then turned towards Mike and the 
bots, whose faces were showing on her small, oval-shaped viewscreen. 
The villain told them, "Ah, Godai and the two Soichiros. I see you're 
still standing, even after Daughters of Strongbow."

***
Shyly, Mike replied, "Oh, that's what we do. Sometimes we bite off 
more than we can chew, but--"

Crow, in an energetic way, finished Mike's statement, "You know we 
take your fanfic and spit it all out!" With that, his two comrades 
nodded in agreement.

***
Sneering, Roberta placed her shoe-clad right foot on the viewscreen. 
"Oh, you think you're pretty funny, huh?" she said, sneering, and 
sticking her tongue out at them, "Well, I'll show you funny. I've got 
quite a treat for you. It's called Spells R Us: Japanese Chronicles, 
and you'll find that it puts Takahashi through a blender. Winnowill!" 
she called out to the imprisoned elf, "Send them the 'fic."

For several long, dull moments, nothing happened. Impatiently, Roberta 
put her feet down, and walked over to the water container. "Hey!" she 
said, tapping on the glass, "Did you hear what I said?"

Again, a whole lot of nothing happened. The villain-in-training 
continued to tap. Behind her, though, one of the elves who had been 
at the table stood up. His name was Annahvi, and he knew he had only 
a minor role - so now it was time to act. Looking grim and dour, he 
approached Roberta, and told her, "Pardon me, human, but Winnowill 
hasn't been feeling very well lately." Sardonically, he coughed.

"Oh, that's good, that's just wonderful," Roberta exclaimed. She 
then flew into a two second temper tantrum, consisting of three 
stomps on the floor, and wild arm flinging. Then, settling down 
quickly, she looked at Annahvi, and asked him, "So... when will she 
get better?"

Still devoid of emotion, the elf looked right into her face. He 
replied, "I'd say... in about thirty minutes."

For a fleeting second, Roberta smiled. She then said, "That's good. 
Well, looks like I'll just have to WALK OVER and press the GREEN
BUTTON myself." Leaving the elf in the dust, she returned to her 
control panel, and hit the button.

***
"Why do I have the feeling," Tom said incredulously, "that we'll be 
seeing yet another bad guy soon?"

With his beak wide open, Crow replied, "You know. Plot advancement 
power."

Mike looked down at them, and frowned. He said, "What's the chance 
that they have an ability like that?" A second later, he got his 
response. Lights flashed throughout the bridge, all pointing toward 
a small, black door. "Ah, we got movie sign!" he said, panicking.

--
Door 8: A wall of red bricks which explodes in all directions.
Door 7: A flimsy paper door which is already torn apart.
Door 6: Two shining golden doors that swing open.
Door 5: A red Fortunecity door. It turns into a small box with a 
question mark.
Door 4: The gate of a temple, high above one's head.
Door 3: Four prison bars. They slide upwards, toward the ceiling.
Door 2: A screen of a television. One walks right into it.
Door 1: A circle-shaped hole in the middle of a metal panel. It 
opens with an action like a series of fan blades.

--
(The three take their seats.)


>Characters owned by others. Treatment by metroanime@mindspring.com
>
> Spells R Us: Japanese Chronicles 1: Candy Candy
>by Gregg
>
> Kasumi noticed the cat trying to sneak in and intercepted it. "And 
>where do you think you're going, Mister Cat?"

TOM: To join the other Tendo family "pets," silly.
MIKE: Huh?
TOM: Oh, you know. Genma and Soun.
MIKE: ...

>
> "Meowmeowmewmeow. MEOW!"
>
> "Oh my, you certainly are a talkative little kitty."

CROW: I hate to ask... but what color is this cat?

>
> The cat gritted her teeth and let her ears flatten. How was she 
>going to tell anyone about this? How could she turn back without some 
>help? She tried again, yowling and spitting.
>
> An anguished yelp could be heard from the stairway.
>
> "I'm sorry, but we can't take any cats in here. Ranma's afraid of 
>them."

MIKE: Fear of a black *cat*!

>
> The cat ducked around her Kasumi, fleeing into the house. The 
>kitchen hot water tap should do it! She leapt onto the counter, began 
>turning the knob and was rewarded with a jet of hot water. Yes!
>
> "Kasumi, what are you?" Nabiki watched the cat twist the hot water 
>knob, then jump under the faucet. The resulting wet cat howled. "Well, 
>what did you expect? Hmmm. You DID expect something, didn't you?"
>
> The cat leapt up to the cupboard, looking thoroughly bedraggled and 
>nodded.

CROW: [prissy] Oh, dear. The cat always looks so nodded in the morning.

>
> "Nabiki, oh there it is." Kasumi started to remove the cat only to 
>be stopped by Nabiki raising a hand to bar her way.
>
> "Hang on, sis." Nabiki sighed and looked at the cat. A little black 
>cat with a stubby tail, unremarkable as far as she could tell. "Do I 
>know you?"

MIKE: When you wake up... you will know nothing of your experience.
TOM: Nabiki and the Moon Kingdom just don't mix.
CROW: But do they Mixx?
TOM: ...

>
> The cat nodded.
>
> "You're under a curse that turned you into a cat?"
>
> Another nod. The cat was now staring at Nabiki with tears welling up 
>in her eyes.
>
> "Oh my."

TOM: No, that's Kasumi's line!

>
> "Do I know you from school?" The cat shook her head. "Do I know you 
>personally?" The cat nodded. "Are we related?" Another nod. "Well, 
>Daddy, however did you get yourself into this mess?"
>
> The cat howled.
>
> "Not Daddy?" Nabiki blinked. "Well, who the heck are you, then?"
>
> "Meow!"
>
> "Kasumi, do we have any other relatives?"
>
> "Not that I know of," Kasumi began uncertainly.

MIKE: [Kasumi] Except for that nice self-insertion man...

>
> "Well, this cat insists." Nabiki thought for a few moments. "Playing 
>twenty questions like this is not an efficient use of time. We need 
>some means of communication a cat can manipulate. That lets my 
>computer out, I don't think the keypad fits your paws."
>
> "Meow?"
>
> "Hmmm? Oh, sorry. It's a puzzle, and I simply can't let go of 
>puzzles." 

CROW: Rubik's Cube mania!

>Nabiki pondered a few moments more. "Do you speak English?"
>
> "Meow?" The cat looked rather puzzled but nodded.
>
> "Good." Nabiki nodded and went to get a stack of notecards from the 
>cupboard.

CROW: Nabiki still needs flashcards? Say it isn't so!


> "Why English, Nabiki?" Kasumi looked curiously on as Nabiki quickly 
>marked each of the cards with a letter.
>
> "Because English only has twenty-six letters. As opposed to doing up 
>a card for the hiragana, katakana, and the common kanji. It's more 
>efficient even if that language is quite a bit less elegant than 
>Japanese."

TOM: Plus, less research for the author!

>
> In a trice, the cat was set in the middle of a ring of cards, each 
>marked with a romaji letter.
>
> "Still not the best system," Nabiki said with a frown, "but the best 
>I could come up with on short notice."
>
> "A-k-a-n-e-t-e-n-d-o." Kasumi read each letter off as the cat turned 
>and batted it with a paw.

MIKE: Hey batter batter batter!

>
> "Akane? Akane Tendo? Do we have a relative named Akane Tendo?" 
>Nabiki was rewarded with the sight of a cat facefaulting.

CROW: Give her a cookie.

>
> "AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!" Ranma walked in, saw the creature in the room, 
>and fled.
>
> "Oh good grief." Nabiki covered her face. "You WOULD be the one 
>thing my fiance is absolutely phobic about."
>
> "MEOW?!" The cat's jaw was hanging open.
>
> "You knew me and Kasumi, but didn't know Ranma? Yes, he's my fiance. 
>Has been for six months now. He doesn't look like much, I'll admit, 
>but he's got his good points."

TOM: Ahem.

>
> The cat face faulted again, then started whapping cards as soon as 
>she recovered.
>
> "Curse?" Nabiki blinked. "Yes, he's got a curse. Turns into a girl."
>
> The cat continued to whap at cards.

CROW: Oh, it's an M. Llave story.

>
> "Oh. 'fatherisapanda' So, your father is named Panda?" Kasumi was 
>rewarded by the cat covering her head with her paws. "Oh."
>
> "Yes. Ranma's father turns into a panda." Nabiki  glanced at the 
>cat, still trying to come up with a faster method of communication. 
>"So what kind of relation are you?"
>
> "Sister?!" Kasumi and Nabiki exclaimed in unison as the cat finished 
>batting at cards.
>
> "You mean that Father...oh my!"

MIKE: I will admit, this story has pretty good characterization.

>
> "Six months ago this would have been ludicrous. It's quite 
>interesting at how speaking to a cat that claims to be my sister has 
>become almost the sort of thing one would expect."
>
> The cat continued to bat away at cards for a few moments.
>
> "Cursed food turned you into a cat?" Nabiki blinked. "Nobody 
>remembers you? 

TOM: [darkly] I don't know what you did last summer.

>Hmmm. Sounds high level."
>
> "Meow?"
>
> "Of course I know something about curses," Nabiki chided the cat. "I 
>have a fiancee who changes genders when splashed with water. What 
>kind of idiot WOULDN'T research magic in general and curses in 
>particular when you're engaged to evidence for both?"
>
> The cat blinked a couple of times and looked sheepish.

CROW: If Sheep Sheep wrote real Ranma episodes...
MIKE: Um, Crow?

>
> "Cursed food, eh? And a mass forgetfulness spell or else some 
>localized reality alteration focussing on your existence?" Nabiki had 
>a thought. "Was it at the Nekohanten?"
>
> The cat shook her head.
>
> "Well, I've got to think about this. Try to stay out of sight and 
>tomorrow we can get a start on whatever it is."
>
> "Na-Nabiki?"

TOM: [Kasumi] T-time for another c-coffee break.
MIKE: Crow, just don't think about it.
CROW: Right. I suppose it's safer that way...

>
> Akane scampered under the table only to nearly lose control at 
>seeing Ranma come nervously into the room. Then Nabiki swept him in 
>for a brief kiss that apparently took both of their minds away from 
>felines of any stripe.
>
> "Urrrrrr," came a growl from under the table when the shock wore off.

TOM: Akane? Jealous? Never!

>
> "Ranma, could you please go upstairs for a bit, I have to speak with 
>you later."
>
> Ranma looked into her eyes, and whatever he saw there brought a tender 
>smile to his lips. "You'll tell me what's going on later?"
>
> "Of course, Ranchan. 

MIKE: No, no, no. Don't go there.
TOM: [Ukyo] How dare you hurt my Ranchan?
MIKE: Too late...

>
>'No secrets from EITHER of us.'" Nabiki let out a 
>sigh as she watched the view of Ranma walking up the stairs, then 
>turned a more businesslike expression towards the table. "All right, 
>you. Why were you growling at Ranma? You're not another childhood 
>friend turned rival or friend-turned-rival-turned fiancee, are you?"
>
> Akane stuck her head out, ears flat as she looked towards where 
>Ranma had walked off. The baka had never done any of that with HER.
>
> "Oh, I'd better get busy with supper." Kasumi made an excuse to 
>leave the weirdness and retreat to her sanctuary.

TOM: [confidentially] She's got a statue of Sasami in there.
MIKE: The kitchen wife's god!

>
> "Excuse me, Akane, but I want to spend some quality time with MY 
>fiance and if you're going to get cured it will be under the 
>condition that you leave all vengeance against MY iinazuke behind 
>you. Do you understand?"
>
> Akane blinked, then returned to the cards, batting away quickly.

CROW: The bat, the cat, and the penguin!
MIKE: Precisely. Someone needs a thesaurus.

>
> "Whoa. Slow down. Geez, I'd almost think you were doing a Chestnut 
>Fist. 'How come you're engaged to Ranma.' Well, this is interesting. 
>You know about Ranma, his dad, me and Kasumi. You seem to be 
>rather..." Nabiki stopped and blanched. "Not an illegitimate half-
>sister? A real sister? One that was engaged to Ranma?"
>
> The cat nodded to each question.
>
> Nabiki looked sick. "Kitty, I've never had any sisters besides 
>Kasumi. Ranma showed up one day, to be engaged to one of the Tendos. 
>Kasumi and me considered the situation and I was slightly less 
>revolted by his being a girl half the time. I'm glad it happened 
>though, as I've been able to get him to stop being a jerk 

TOM: Money! Your solution to relationship troubles.

>and once you get past all the insecurities and 
>overcompensation, he can be really sweet."
>
> The cat made a hacking noise.

MIKE: She wanted to be Teflon Billy.
CROW: Congratulations, Nelson! A rare pointless reference to a small-
print comic!

>
> "It's true! And in return he's gotten me to open up and be more 
>considerate of others. It's not an ideal relationship but we've come 
>to care for each other very much, and neither of us wants anything to 
>happen to that." Nabiki thought for a moment. "Okay, now what kind of 
>food and where?"

TOM: Let's face it. Gregg ain't Sailor Mac.

>
> The cat began tapping away.
>
> "Candy. From a store that specializes in curses? Let me guess, you 
>went in while looking for a cure for Ranma's curse and got a curse 
>yourself instead?"
>
> "Meeowww!" The cat nodded.
>
> "Well we can check with them tomorrow for a cure for your curse." 
>Nabiki gave the cat a sad look. "You're sure about the part that 
>you're really my sister and you're really Ranma's fiancee?"
>
> "MEOW!"
>
> "And I suppose he does all those sweet things for you, and nuzzles 
>you behind the ear telling you what a sweet and wonderful creature 
>you are?"

CROW: [singing] She belongs... to the creatures of the night...

>
> The cat facefaulted again then started angrily hissing and meowing 
>and was intent on running up the stairs and having a chat with that 
>two-timer. Four timer. Whatever.
>
> Nabiki intercepted the cat. "I don't think so. I'm really not sure 
>how much of your story I believe..."

MIKE: The UFO abduction, yes. But not the rest of it.

>
> The cat meowed as if indignant.
>
> "...but it's the duty of a martial artist to help those in need." 
>Nabiki straightened. "Even if I'm NOT that good as a martial artist, 
>I AM Heir to the Tendo School."
>
> "Meow?!"
>
> "Sorry, cat. Look, I've got to get working on the next installment 
>of my manga, 

TOM: She's Serena from Transformation Sequence!
MIKE: Um... not exactly.
TOM: Well, they do share an interest in fighting, and a bizarre, 
unexplained interest in comics. But not the same taste in men.

>and the dojo really needs the money, you know. ESPECIALLY after 
>that little spat with the Black Rose last week."

CROW: Evil twin of the Rose of Versailles.

>
> "Meow?" Akane didn't remember Kodachi attacking her last week. 
>Waitaminute. Working on the next installment of her manga?
>
> "You haven't read, 'The Sword & The Rose?' It's doing fairly well in 
>the dojinshi circles. I may even be attracting the attention of one 
>of the major publishers if rumor can be believed. It's an action-
>romance set in the period just before the Disarmament with an 
>amnesiac ronin 

TOM: Godai on a good day.
MIKE: No, it's a takeoff on Inu-Yasha!

>and this girl whom he 
>rescues from brigands." Nabiki grinned and winked. "My art style 
>needs work but quite a few people like the story. We can hope one of 
>the big publishers gets interested, ne?"
>
> Akane blinked and settled back under the table. This was too weird.
>
> ----------------------  

MIKE: Looks like we've got one scene finished. What did you think?
TOM: Well, Gregg did catch our attention with all the unusual stuff in 
the beginnning. But it's missing something.
CROW: Yeah. Shampoo.
MIKE: This story would be better with a little exposition.

>Morning came and a cat hidden under the house watched as Ranma fell 
>into the pond with a splash.
>
> As a Nabiki who had never had a younger sister to be the Heir popped 
>out briefly to assist her fiance, only to get dunked herself.

CROW: Ooh, I wanna dunk Nabiki!
TOM: Yeah. Remember the second Ranma movie? It's got the best 
Nabiki scenes...
MIKE: Pathetic.

>
> As the two grinning teenagers proceeded to reduce a panda nearly to 
>the status of throw rug.
>
> "Ranma, I've got a really tricky job I've got to work on today, so 
>I'm going to have to back out of checking out that 'Rivalsan Dojo' 
>place."

CROW: [incredulous] Ninja High School?

>
> "More work with your comic? I'm tellin' ya. More action sequences, 
>that'll sell."
>
> "Now now, Ranma, I don't tell you how to do Anything Goes (much) 
>and you don't advise me in what will sell. Besides, with Kodachi 
>continually attacking for me being a 'wicked sorceress' who's 'cursed 
>her Ranma sama to turn into a girl' and used 'diabolic means to 
>ensnare his heart', I'd kinda like to get away from fight sequences 
>for awhile."
>
> Akane lost sight of the two as they walked into the house. From her 
>vantage 

MIKE: Since when does Akane smoke?

>though, she could clearly hear them as they moved overhead. She 
>avoided Sasuke and continued to listen.
>
> "It's not something you need help with, is it?"
>
> "Nah. This is definitely something you can't help with. It involves 
>a cat."
>
> "O-Oh."
>
> "Don't sweat it, Ranma. I plan on getting ahold of Shampoo or maybe 
>her Great Grandmother. Besides, if this goes bad you can ride to the 
>rescue at the last minute, per usual."

TOM: [dramatic] Tuxedo Ranma!
MIKE: It's a miracle crossover.

>
> Akane tried to identify the sounds that followed. What? They 
>couldn't be! They wouldn't! It sounded like some heavy liplock going 
>on!
>
> "Well, since you two are getting along so well, maybe I should..." 
>Akane heard her father's voice trail off. "Well, yes, a martial 
>artist has to exercise patience. Heh heh."
>
> "Take care, Nabiki-chan. Suki da."

CROW: Um, Mr. Arromdee? Don't forget to translate it.

>
> "Same here, Ranma-kun."
>
> Akane facefaulted, which had the effect of causing a small amount of 
>dirt going up her nose and a resultant sneeze. Inside her currently 
>feline brain, she was reeling.
>
> She had to wait for Nabiki, so she had plenty of time to think about 
>it. How could this happen? Nabiki was only interested in profit, 
>she'd always been badgering Ranma, selling him off, 

MIKE: [brash] Make a buck, make a buck, it happens even in Tokyo.

>ready with a quick insult or to make his life miserable. And it had 
>been Nabiki who had first nominated Akane as the one to marry Ranma 
>after the curse had been demonstrated.
>
> Akane wasn't that used to being devious, and wasn't the sort to 
>enjoy figuring out puzzles. 

TOM: Such as "where is this story going, anyway?"

>She labored at understanding the scene she'd just observed now.
>
> Nabiki's overwhelming mania for quick profit and ruthlessness had 
>only manifested AFTER Ranma had arrived. Nabiki had been interested 
in boys as something other than a source of income 

CROW: Ahem.

>before Ranma's arrival. Before Ranma's arrival, she'd mainly taken 
>bets and sold her skills at photography. Before, she had read a lot 
>of manga and had shown interest in a few other subjects.
>
> Nabiki had briefly toyed with the idea of actually writing manga 
>once, but had given it up after it became obvious that it would be an 
>uphill battle. 

TOM: Just ask Takeuchi. Talk about your one-hit wonders...

>Had her continued training in the martial arts given her enough 
>discipline that she had pursued it?
>
> Akane growled softly as she saw Ranma and Nabiki exit the house 
>together, holding hands and apparently not even aware of it!
>
> Akane watched as Ranma ran off, 

MIKE: [Ranma] I don't know you! WAAAH!

>Nabiki watching him from the gate with a wistful expression on her 
>face. Akane tried to fit this Nabiki in with the one she had come to 
>know over the past few months.
>
> Something clicked that Akane had only noticed briefly but on a few 
>occasions within the household. Times when the mask slipped just a 
>little. 

CROW: [sleazy] Your mask is slipping, Nabiki.

>Nabiki goading Ranma towards one of the other girls by making it a 
>challenge or point of pride, something Ranma couldn't possibly allow 
>to go without giving his best effort. Times when things seemed to 
>smooth out in the Akane-Ranma running battle, only to have Nabiki 
>throw a little chaos into the mix. And sometimes, it had turned out 
>that even when it wasn't directly Nabiki, the interruption had come 
>at Nabiki's direction.
>
> Feline eyes widened 

TOM: She'll be feline those for a while!
(Mike and Crow groan.)
TOM: Thank you! Thank you.

>and she let out an involuntary meow. Only someone who knew Nabiki as 
>well as a sister would have noticed the shadow of an expression 
>passing over the face of the "heartless mercenary" Nabiki had 
>become. Just seen a few times here and there when the mask had 
>slipped. Akane had noticed but not really paid attention at that 
>time. They were expressions of sadness and jealousy.
>
> It couldn't be. Could it?
>
> "Oh hello, Ryouga."

CROW: [Yume] You're late by twenty minutes!

> Akane looked around but couldn't see Ryouga. But there was P-chan! 
>Akane wondered if P-chan was Nabiki's pet now, she seemed to have 
>everything else of hers.
>
> "Bweee?"
>
> "Ryouga, I could use your help today."
>
> "Buqiii!"
>
> "Tut tut, Ryouga-kun. You might be interested in this one. Someone 
>you don't know was cursed by some store's product to turn into a 
>little black cat."

MIKE: [Nabiki] Ya got that? I ain't gonna say it again.

> P-chan began growling. Akane was amazed at how well trained P-chan 
>was. It was almost as if he was having a conversation with Nabiki.
>
> "If you're blaming Ranma for this, don't bother. He doesn't know 
>about it. Now, I will be going there to help this unfortunate girl 
>get uncursed. The idea being is that if this store sells the curses, 
>the cures are also likely to be available, though I'd expect the 
>cures to be at a significant markup."

TOM: All this talk about doing things! It'll be three chapters before 
they actually CAUSE things to happen.
MIKE: You said it.

>
> "Buqiii."
>
> "Because I would expect curses to be easier than cures, also because 
>the demand for a cure would be rather more than that of a curse. 
>Supply and demand and relative value."
>
> "Squee."
>
> "And if they can cure one kind of curse, maybe they can cure other 
>curses."
>
> P-chan had turned away from Nabiki and had closed his eyes. Now he 
>was giving Nabiki his full attention. If Akane didn't know better, 
>she could have sworn that P-chan's eyes were glimmering with tears.

CROW: He knows better than to give up his curse.

> "Thought that would get your attention." There were deserts less 
>dry than Nabiki's tone. 

TOM: [dramatic] There are meadows, there are woodlands!

>"In any case, Ryouga, sit your butt down. I'll get some hot 
>water, and the nice kitty cat can take us to that store."
>
> "Mrow?" Akane watched Nabiki enter the house, returning a moment 
>later with a kettle and a thermos.

MIKE: Funny, that's exactly what I'd expect from her.
CROW: Nabiki Tendo, you are now officially *in character*!

>
> "I got two of those 'instant hot water dispensers' a couple of 
>months ago. The one in the living room has a coin slot attatched. 
>That's Mister Saotome's. 

TOM: Genma spends money??

>There's another one I keep for emergencies." Nabiki assumed the cat 
>was asking about the quick availability of hot water. Nabiki smirked 
>at the cat and added that there were times when she really wanted 
>Ranma to be in his male form.
>
> Akane grumbled a little at the suggestive tone. She got it already.
>
> Nabiki poured water down onto P-chan, eliciting a momentary hiss 
>from Akane. P-chan didn't need...a bath?!
>
> A moment later, Ryouga was attacked by a thoroughly ticked off 
>housecat.

CROW: [Nabiki] Naughty, naughty kitty!

>
> -------------------------------
>
>"I figure it's the same thing with Ranma and you. You don't know what 
>you did, but you did something to her. Missed an appointment or 
>something, and she swore vengeance. Etcetera, etcetera." Nabiki 
>smirked. This was just too amusing to have Ryouga hit with the same 
>sort of grudge that the lost boy had against Ranma.
>
> "We're here," Ryouga noted, tugging a little against the tether that 
>Nabiki had insisted on tying to his belt.
>
> Akane blinked. The Nekohanten?

MIKE: Why is she still in the scene?
TOM: I figured that she'd either faint dead away, or run and deny 
everything.

>
>  "This won't take long." Nabiki winked at the cat. Nabiki entered 
>the cafe, exiting a moment later with Shampoo.
>
> "Of course Shampoo ready to assist sister Amazon with problem. Maybe 
>find cure for own curse?"

CROW: [Shampoo] Shampoo know not how to take advantage of situation!

>
> Akane twitched at the reference to a "sister amazon." The sooner 
>she got back to normal and left this insanity behind, the better.
>
> After a few moments, her curiosity got the better of her. 

TOM: And immediately killed the cat.
CROW: [monotone] Akane is dead. Akane is dead. Hip hip hooray.

>
>It took a little trial and error but finally Nabiki got the idea.
>
> "Shampoo was my 'rival' up until last month. This old rival of 
>Ranma's showed up, promising to make him suffer for something that 
>his father apparently did."

MIKE: Ukyo, maybe?

>
> "Meow," said Akane, nodding. That would have been Ukyou.

TOM: Congrats, Nelson.
MIKE: I was just hoping it wasn't Tsubasa.

>
> "Anyway, this guy was going to kill Ranma, especially when he found 
>out that I was his fiancee and that we were getting along." Nabiki 
>seemed to flush slightly and Akane wondered exactly what the two had 
>been doing when Ukyou had found them. "So the usual challenge and 
>fight like with Ryouga here, except this guy is REALLY angry."
>
> "What, you mean I'm not? I've been to Hell due to Ranma, and I won't 
>rest until he's paid for it!"
>
> "During the fight I see this load of explosive tempura flakes 
>heading my way. 

CROW: Ukyo has dandruff?

>I get out of the way, evasion is a specialty of the Tendo School, but 
>then Shampoo here gets tagged. So, private grudge match or not, me 
>and Shampoo get involved in the fight. Ranma goes into just pure rage 
>when I get attacked, but then has to sit on the sidelines when me 
>and Shampoo go to town on Mr Challenger."

TOM: Grrr! Hot tag-team action!
MIKE: [sotto] This *is* Ninja High School.

>
> "Meow?" They didn't know Ukyou was a girl? And what did this have to 
>do with being a sister Amazon?
>
> "Well, I read a lot. Research stuff online, too. So, I see Elder 
>Cologne in attendence. Me and Shampoo here have just fought together 
>against a common enemy. So in front of the Elder, I place a wound I 
>got from a flying spatula on a similar one from Shampoo. Then I take 
>some sweat from Shampoo and taste it."

MIKE: Was that an explanation?

>
> A cat made a disagreeable noise. Still, Akane was listening as she 
>might be able to use this herself.
>
> "At this point, Cologne's eyes are as big as saucers. 

TOM: They always are!

>You should'a seen it. Then I petition Cologne to become Shampoo's 
>blood sister as we have shared blood and salt in the defeat of a 
>common enemy."
>
> "Shampoo not know about rules. Never have blood-sister. Linlin and 
>Ranran close, but not go through this."
>
> "Well, when I found out about the marriage laws and the bit about 
>outsider women, I knew there had to be loopholes. They couldn't 
>possibly go about indiscriminately killing and marrying outsiders. 

CROW: Nope, just men.
MIKE: I'm detecting a little Davies influence in all this...

>This was one, and when I saw my chance I took it. Cologne HAD to 
>accept the petition, and give me three tasks which I had to complete. 
>They couldn't be flat out impossible or kill me directly or 
>indirectly, though. The Trial Of War, The Trial Of Skill, and The 
>Trial Of The Heart.

TOM: You're sure this isn't Elfquest?
MIKE: Well...

> "The first one was to defeat Shampoo. I had to make it other than a 
>physical combat, but I managed to get through the bakeoff with some 
>help from Kasumi. The Trial Of Skill was more difficult. The Breaking 
>Point training. I think I've still got bruises. I just don't heal as 
>fast as Ryouga.
>
> "The Trial Of The Heart is always the most difficult. Cologne used 
>some nightmare incense, trapped me in a dream where I was a minor 
>supporting character watching..."

CROW: CLAMP School!
TOM: I swear they took this *right* from the first Elfquest graphic 
novel.

>
> Nabiki's face turned pale and she shot a glance towards the cat. "Oh 
>no."
>
> Shampoo gave a worried glance to her sister. "Nabiki win Trial. Make 
>ultimate sacrifice in dream. Give up on own life, own happiness, for 
>the better of tribe. Shampoo have to stay over for a few nights until 
>nightmares stop. Was fun. Was also good get away from stupid Mousse."

TOM: Now I see the difference. If this was "borrowed" from Elfquest, 
Shampoo would skip out of town.
CROW: I hope she gets her own Kahvi. Yow!
MIKE: Crow...

> Akane led the small group through a series of streets, finally 
>arriving at the small alleyway. Her thoughts were whirling. How could 
>she make use of this new knowledge herself?
>
> "Lemon Street, Ecchi Way, Kimyo Plaza?" Nabiki's eyes narrowed. 

CROW: Hey, they're in Fanfic Prefecture!

>"I don't remember these in Nerima."
>
> "Meow!" Akane stopped at the door to a small store. "Meow! Meow!"
>
> "Spells R Us?" Nabiki frowned. "Hmmm. Nothing to do but give it a 
>try, I suppose."
>
> "NABIKI TENDO! PREPARE TO DIE!"

MIKE: Now Kuno's caught in fanfic limbo, too.
TOM: Why does this all seem like a half-baked crossover?

>
> Akane-neko stared, wide eyed and ears flattened, at the figure that 
>had just leapt down into the alley.
>
> "For what you and that bimbo have done to me," Ukyou drew her 
>spatula, 

ALL: Yay!

>"death!"
>
> "Yeah, right, Kuonji." Nabiki felt a little better flanked by Ryouga 
>and Shampoo. "You're the one who used oil, electric heating devices, 
>and that tempura mixed with gunpowder crap! 

MIKE: Sounds like Ukyo saw "Rumble in the Bronx."

>It's your OWN fault that it blew up in your face when you tried to 
>hit me with that stuff."
>
> Her face swathed in bandages, and still wearing her boy disguise, 
>Ukyou screamed in rage at the three confronting her. "My fault?! LOOK 
>AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" She ripped the bandages away in a sweeping 
>gesture.

CROW: [Shampoo] Girl-type Ukyo! Shampoo kill!

>
> "Pah! Is nothing. Hair grow back eventually in most places. Doctors 
>in Japan know how fix scars."
>
> Nabiki was looking a little green. "It doesn't change that this was 
>YOUR grudge fight, and YOUR quest for vengeance. YOUR tools and YOUR 
>lack of judgement. If you hadn't attacked me, you wouldn't have been 
>fighting me and Shampoo, and you wouldn't have had one of your own 
>bombs explode in your face."
>
> "I'll get you, Nabiki Tendo! Sooner or later, you'll pay for this." 
>Ukyou fled.

TOM: [evil] I'll get you, my pretty!

>
> Nabiki held up a hand to prevent Shampoo from running after the 
>target.
>
> "You let him go?" Shampoo asked after a moment. "Why?"

CROW: Hello, Shampoo? Notice anything *strange* about "him"?

>
> "It's a trap. The Black Rose and the Blue Thunder, Kodachi and 
>Tatewaki Kuno are nearby. Smell the air. There's a faint hint of that 
>perfume she wears. Just another ambush. Trust me on that, kiddo, 
>those two try something like this on a weekly basis at least. Though 
>with all three of them cooperating now, we'll have to be doubly 
>careful."

MIKE: Team Kuno's blasting off again!
TOM: Hey, it's over.
CROW: And I'm disappointed. All that hinting at action, and so little 
combat. So little profanity. So little nudity...
MIKE: Give it up, Crow. We're heading out.
TOM: But why was it called Candy Candy?
MIKE: ...

(The trio exits.)

--
Next time...
The "previously unknown hobbies" sketch!
The candy store!
The superfluous Doom Tree reference!
Interdimensional travel, and why it's not all that much fun!

This fanfic comes courtesy of its discoverer, Serg Discua, who can be 
reached at <dinnovator@hotmail.com>. "Spells R Us..." is the creation 
of Gregg. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is copyright 1988-99 Best 
Brains, Inc. "Elfquest" is copyright 1978-99 Warp Graphics. "Ranma 
1/2" is copyright 1986-99 Rumiko Takahashi, Kitty Films, Viz 
Communications, etc. 

This MSTing was brought to you by Alan, once known as INTO. It was 
finished and posted May 3, 1999 (ahead of the Mach 1). 
Please contact me at <ChrOtaku@xoommail.com>, or if Xoom is 
down, <crf_riggsja@curf.edu>. I'd appreciate it!

                           eq_addiction> Elfquest: The Addiction
<http://members.tripod.com/
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